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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have wanted DS to have his birthday present on his actual birthday and not 2 months early

56 replies

couchparsnip · 04/10/2021 22:29

I think DH IBU but he thinks I am. I need other opinions please as I'm stewing about this.

DS will be 16 in December so we agreed with him that he could have a PC for a joint birthday/Christmas present and that it would go in his bedroom. DH agreed to put his bonus payment (which comes in his Sept pay) towards the PC. We share finances but I tend to do the banking admin. Which makes me think I might BU as maybe I am controlling things too much.

Anyway, Last weekend we moved a desk into DS's room and set his X Box up on there. This will be for the PC so he can do homework up there and chat to his friends.

DH has now taken the fact that his bonus has arrived and the desk is in place to mean he had to buy the PC and tell DS he can have it straight away.
I would have rather waited until the actual day as now DS's 16th birthday will be less special. He won't have a 'big' present.
Is it normal to give presents 2 months early? I didn’t think so.
We'll probably still buy DS some chocolate and a computer game for his birthday but I'm disappointed.

DS is obviously happy now but what about when his birthday and Christmas arrive and he doesn't get very much

We decided to move the desk because we were decorating the room it was in and thought we might as well move it now so it would be out of the way.

DH and I have disagreed about it and I'm not sure who is right? He thought we moved the desk so that the PC could go on it straight away and that was obvious. I thought it was obvious that people's birthday presents were generally given on their birthday- or at least near it.

DH told DS he was buying it then DS asked if he the plans were that he would get it as soon as it arrived or have to wait. DH said 'You'll have to ask your mother, but as far as I concerned you can have it now'. This is what annoyed me the most. He made the decision and backed me into a corner. I couldn't then be the mean mother who doesn't allow DS his PC.
So in a nutshell I'm annoyed because DH bought the PC too early for the birthday and then unilaterally decided to give it to DS 2 months before his birthday.
He says why wait and the desk is there so let him have it now.
Who is BU

OP posts:
Chickychoccyegg · 04/10/2021 22:36

When asked you should have said no, you'll get it on your birthday, I'd have no problem being " bad mother" though, dh was silly buyinh it and giving ds it far too early

FWBNC · 04/10/2021 22:36

I would be very annoyed too!

I would discuss it with DH for a start, and I'd consider it for a present that was somewhat seasonal or a concert etc, but not for something you can buy at anytime.

But my main issue here would be with DH saying he could have it now, unless you say otherwise. If DS doesn't see you as a united front, it's going to make his late 'teens' much harder to navigate.

Sn0tnose · 04/10/2021 22:37

I do see why you’re annoyed, but if it’s for homework, then he may as well get the benefit of it now. If it had been bought now but hidden away, you wouldn’t have known if it was faulty until it was too late to return it and come December, everyone will be after decent PCs for presents. I think there’s a shortage of chips somewhere too.

He’s 16, so old enough to understand that he’s had his big present. Just remind him closer to the time so he doesn’t get any expectations.

Hankunamatata · 04/10/2021 22:41

I'm with your dh. You have the money, why wouldn't you buy it now so ds can use it for school work and talking to his friends. He is 16 not 6 surely he will be happy with couple small things to open on actual birthday

Hercisback · 04/10/2021 22:41

Why deny your son the joy of 2 extra months of his PC because of an arbitrary day?

My mum paid for a big Christmas present for me last week. It gets delivered next week and I will have used it loads before Christmas.

Sn0tnose · 04/10/2021 22:42

I do think you need to talk to your DH about discussing things like this with you before he discusses it with anyone else though.

steff13 · 04/10/2021 22:44

I do think you should have discussed it to make sure that you were on the same page. However, I don't have a problem with giving it to him early.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 04/10/2021 22:45

I'd be pretty annoyed but I can see how the misunderstanding has arisen.

Somewhat off topic. IT stuff has huge supply chain issues right now due to global microchip shortage. Just because you want it now or in two months doesn't mean it will be available
In the spec you want. So he may have to wait anyway..

Newcastleteacake · 04/10/2021 22:49

YANBU. I have a late December birthday. We get one month a year for presents, everyone else gets two. It's bad enough getting a joint Birthday/Christmas present (unless it's a big ticket item in this case) or having your birthday completely forgotten, and now he has had his one month taken away from him. And it's his sweet 16th as well! As well meaning as your DH is, he IBU in this instance.

MargaretThursday · 04/10/2021 22:49

For a lot of presents, yes, I'd say wait, but if you're getting it, he knows what it is, then let him have it now. It will be no less exciting, and it's not as though you can wrap up a computer really!

Get him an unexpected accessory for his birthday, or creep into his room overnight and put a birthday bow on it, if you want to.

KrisAkabusi · 04/10/2021 23:26

It's something he's going to use, so I think it's better to have it now.
I

minipie · 04/10/2021 23:27

Your son is 16

HerRoyalNotness · 04/10/2021 23:32

I think it’s fine, no point in waiting to use something for another 2 mths just because.
Mine had to wait 4mths to get his birthday present (Xbox x) because they’ve been out of stock so long. He got an IOU in his birthday and a few small things, he was happy with that.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/10/2021 23:37

I gave my 17 year old a gaming laptop 3 months early last year. The money was there and I didn't see the point in waiting once he'd decided what one he'd like. He wasn't bothered that he's already had his main present when the time came

Flickeringgreenlight · 04/10/2021 23:43

I really can't get worked up about presents / lack of them. It's just "stuff" - As long as he is appreciative and grateful, I actually think it's useful to have it sooner rather than later. Sorry, but the fact that his birthday is going to be less special without presents, well....maybe spend a lovely quality family day together?

Ionlydomassiveones · 04/10/2021 23:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

melj1213 · 05/10/2021 00:35

Your son is going to be 16 not 6, he's more than old enough to understand that the PC is his birthday/Christmas present and to only expect small/token gifts on his birthday/Christmas.

If he was younger or he didn't know about it then I think it should have been saved for his birthday or Christmas but he's old enough to understand that it is early but still his main gift and he knows it is coming so why withhold it for the sake of giving it on a specific date?

CoRhona · 05/10/2021 00:55

I agree with you op but I would have said DS had to wait.

Kanaloa · 05/10/2021 01:29

I think at 16 this isn’t a problem. If he knows he’s getting a pc what’s the point of waiting another 2 months to have it?

Different if he was a little boy who might then complain ‘but I haven’t got a present!’ But at his age he’s aware that’s his birthday present and he won’t get another big gift.

ShaunaTheSheep · 05/10/2021 01:31

YABU - he is old enough to understand an early gift.
Although I am curious as to how a 16yo has been doing homework without a desk and PC in his bedroom, up until now.

QueenBee52 · 05/10/2021 02:06

So he gets a card on his Birthday.... now he knows why Grin

Silkieschickens · 05/10/2021 02:29

My DD is 16 later this year and she often asks for and gets her presents early, fine with me. Only thing that annoys me a bit is when she tells others we dont celebrate Christmas, we do but she hasnt spent her present money in advance. Though her friends take it with a pinch of salt since she told them her Mum is really tight with money as she wont allow 3 takeaway pizzas a week and the others told her she was lucky to get 2.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 05/10/2021 02:51

He's 16 not 6 🤷‍♀️

SarahBellam · 05/10/2021 02:58

I do this with my teens all the time. They may as well get the big ticket item that'll be used for school or a hobby now rather than leaving it sitting in the loft for 2 months. They do know it's their main gift and that for birthdays/Christmas they'll be getting pants, socks and PJs. Their relatives send them money and gifts too so it's not like they don't have any presents.

gofg · 05/10/2021 03:15

I often got birthday/Christmas presents early - nothing wrong with it. DS might as well have the use of it now, and he is old enough to not expect another big present for his actual birthday.

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