Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When you see a child being treated horribly

80 replies

Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:22

What are you actually meant to do that's effective? In a public space, you dont know them or their names. What is the actual official advice in this situation? Who would you report it to and how?
I seem to be a magnet for this at the moment. One incident in a supermarket, horrible huge man being over the top scary shouty to his small children both under 5. It was all the way round the shop and quite terrifying.
Today, girl (I thought was a teen mum) hitting her little brother about 7 with a metal trike. I called her out and she went mad and started screaming at me, came back with her family, luckily I was driving away at that point. But honestly, what are you supposed to do? I dont mean that in a shrugging shoulders way, I mean is there a phone number or a proper way to go about reporting this stuff when you dont really have enough detail?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 03/10/2021 12:26

If there's a girl hitting a boy with a metal trike the number to phone is 999...

Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:29

She wasn't doing it repeatedly and of course I would have if it looked necessary.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
MissCruellaDeVil · 03/10/2021 12:30

Sorry I do think you should have phoned the police with the metal trike incident. As for the father shouting at this children, I usually confront them, sometimes they don't realise how nasty they sound.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 03/10/2021 12:31

And how do you think confronting someone shouting at their kids is going to go for the kids once you’re out of sight?

ClemDanFango · 03/10/2021 12:32

Take photo/video, report and send footage to the police.

Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:37

Im tall and usually do say something but this guy was huge. 6ft 5 min and wide as a house with a tiny neanderthal head. He didnt look like someone who'd be reasonable.

So, excluding confronting, excluding actual full emergency, because I cannot imagine police doing something about a minor sister hitting a brother, albeit with a trike, is there any other option?

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 12:37

I wouldn’t do anything about a parent shouting at their kids in public, hardly a crime 🙄 yes you may not agree with it but that doesn’t make it illegal.

FinallyFluid · 03/10/2021 12:38

We just come back from Southern Spain, we were sitting outside a merendero next to the beach and this couple came up from the beach, it was dark at this point, they had a child that was about four with them, she didn't want her feet washed, the father manhandled her on to the tap, which I could just about stomach, she started crying and he started lashing the legs of her. Angry

I speak minimal Spanish he clearly had no English, no language needed he bloody knew I told him to lay off, the mother at first was passive and then dragged the partner and child away.

It was fleeting, and I hope that if that child's life doesn't work out that she will remember that someone once took a stand on her behalf.

My father was an emotional abuser, and I would have loved someone to stand for me, my mother would have been a good starting point. Sad

When I got back to the table, my wine had arrived, it disappeared in what felt like about three gulps.

Jacopo · 03/10/2021 12:39

I did once confront a man similar to the one you described and I told him he did not deserve to have children. He looked totally gobsmacked and didn’t say anything and I walked away.

NerrSnerr · 03/10/2021 12:40

There was a thread about this a few months back and some people posted who were the children in this situation and they said it made the situation worse when someone confronted their parents in public as the parents blamed them for the confrontation.

Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:41

I know this is anonymous and you've no reason to know I'm not a complete moron, but there's a difference between being a scary fucker and telling your kids off.

OP posts:
BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 12:43

If it was a woman shouting would you have thought it was scary? People shout at their kids, you and MN might not agree with it but it happens, I’ve seen parents shouting at their kids when they’ve ran into the road, you don’t know the back story so stay out of it

Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:43

Im guessing there's no real answer here. Was hoping someone in social services or similar would have some advice maybe. Or real life experiences.

OP posts:
Tryagainplease · 03/10/2021 12:43

I wouldn’t confront anyone about shouting at their kids in public. It’s horrible and I feel for them but what are you supposed to do? As someone said - it’s not illegal.

I was in a restaurant not long ago and this woman was following her really small son around. He was under 2 and wanted to explore. Looked as though he had only just started walking. She was telling him off (I think for walking off) and asking if he wanted her to smack him in front of everyone. I was appalled but what can I do?!

Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:51

That's weird. If a woman of those proportions was shouting like that, yep, it'd be terrifying.
I dont really like the mind your own business let people hurt kids and animals and each other way of living I suppose.
Yeah, the thought of it blowing back on the kid is there, though. Thats why I wanted to know if there was any real help out there in that situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bortles · 03/10/2021 12:53

And again, obviously, any idiot would know someone shouting if their child ran in the road is not abusive behaviour.

OP posts:
ImitationofBeing · 03/10/2021 12:54

I don't confront because my mother used to lose her temper with us in public and if anyone tutted, looked at us never min speak I'd get hit once home and shouted for bringing attention to us.

It's horrid, I don't what the answer is.

BakingOfTheFoodCats · 03/10/2021 12:54

But that’s the point you don’t know what had happened or why he was shouting! And ss won’t do anything about a parent shouting. Most parents have shouted at their kids well except for the perfect parents of Mumsnet

girlmom21 · 03/10/2021 12:55

If you genuinely think a child is in danger, and that you're not comfortable confronting the situation or think it could escalate, take as much information as you can.

A photo/video if safe to do so, time and location the situation occurred, a car reg if you can when they leave the location, description of everyone involved, details of any school uniforms children are wearing etc and report to SS.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 03/10/2021 12:59

Not the same situation, but just as depressing…

I'm on the station platform, and there's a harassed-looking woman with a baby in a buggy and a little boy of about four. The woman is not in a good mood. She keeps snapping at the boy who's wearing a 'I haven't even done anything yet' expression.

The train comes in. The doors open. Another woman with a kid of about seven gets on, slightly ahead of the woman with the buggy and the little boy.

The woman with the buggy says, "Oy - don't cut in front of my kid!" She then turns to her little boy, and offers some life advice.

"Kyle, what're you doin'? If someone cuts in front of yer like that, stand up for yerself! Kick the fucker! If you don't, I bloody will..."

Kyle will take this maternal directive to heart, I am sure, and put it into practice at some later date.

SirenSays · 03/10/2021 13:05

I never know what to do, I try to mind my own business as I dont want to make things worse for the child.
There was a lady in a shoe shop with her son the other day. She was going on about his appearance, telling him he was going to look stupid for taking his hat off and being really insulting and cruel. When she wandered off I caught his eye and popped a boot on my head for a second to make him laugh.

lydia2021 · 03/10/2021 13:08

Same old, same old . Kids bring treated badly, then a while later killed or injured. Because someone did nothing. Jeez, what a disgusting world, where people are not called out about their behaviour to their kids.

1AngelicFruitCake · 03/10/2021 13:10

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

I wouldn’t do anything about a parent shouting at their kids in public, hardly a crime 🙄 yes you may not agree with it but that doesn’t make it illegal.
That 🙄 face has made me so upset and angry. Yes people shout at their children but shouting repeatedly for no good reason is different. Adults can be nasty bullies to their children and the thought you’d 🙄 do that because someone is concerned for their child sickens me. It’s people like you who don’t care about other people but share the awful child abuse stories on Facebook with a ‘isn’t this awful’ status so everyone knows how nice you are 🙄
Pelligro · 03/10/2021 13:13

Good question OP.

I very rarely confront but I did about a week ago. Driving to work and saw two children and their mother walking to school. I was sat at the lights and the mum was clearly shouting at the kids as they walked along. The daughter was about 6 and just looked resigned to the whole thing. Then the mum grabbed her by the shoulder and span her around, the kid flinched in the only way that a kid who is regularly hit by an adult does. I was out of my car in two seconds flat.

Predictably the mum unleashed a tirade of vileness towards me. I completely ignored her and asked her DD if she was ok and then said “it’s not your fault, please remember that” and got back in my car.

Absolute fucking rotten parenting

Ledition · 03/10/2021 13:17

It's hard isn't it? Sometimes it's subtle too so there's nothing you can do. I saw a little boy in the supermarket with his mum and dad a few weeks ago , he was about 3/4 and was being quite boisterous and exuberant but not "naughty" per se. The dad caught hold of his hand and quietly started whispering something in his ear - it looked quite menacing. The little boys face instantly fell and then he started sobbing, the dad was squeezing his little hand to hurt him Sad you would never tell unless you we're watching closely, and the little guy went around the supermarket holding his hurt hand and was still holding it when I saw them at the tills. The dad was a big burly brute who looked pumped on steroids with one of those "wife beater" vests - there's no way I'd feel comfortable confronting someone like that so I don't blame you for not doing so OP!