When you see a child being treated horribly

[Bortles]

What are you actually meant to do that's effective? In a public space, you dont know them or their names. What is the actual official advice in this situation? Who would you report it to and how?
I seem to be a magnet for this at the moment. One incident in a supermarket, horrible huge man being over the top scary shouty to his small children both under 5. It was all the way round the shop and quite terrifying.
Today, girl (I thought was a teen mum) hitting her little brother about 7 with a metal trike. I called her out and she went mad and started screaming at me, came back with her family, luckily I was driving away at that point. But honestly, what are you supposed to do? I dont mean that in a shrugging shoulders way, I mean is there a phone number or a proper way to go about reporting this stuff when you dont really have enough detail?

I saw something worrying in a service station a while back. I hung back so I wouldn’t be obvious snd at a distance saw what car they got into. I took a quick pic of the number plate on my phone and then reported it to the police via an online form.
I got a response about a week later saying that they obviously couldn’t give me any details but that snothrt local force had been involved and the children’s welfare was being checked on.

I don't think there is anything you can do that would have a positive outcome. No-one is going to change their character or parenting style because someone in a supermarket told them off.
Not everyone is an ideal parent. If you have reason to suspect real abuse then contact the police, but they're not going to do anything about a parent shouting at a child.

Sorry I’m going to stick my neck out here & say that some parents are just abusive pieces of shit. Most parents also shout at their kids every so often, I do sometimes if I’m cross or they’ve attempted to throw themselves recklessly into the road. BUT there’s a big big difference between the two and I think you can tell one from the other in a matter of nanoseconds.

The abusive arseholes are distressing to witness & it is difficult to know what to do because personally, I would worry about what could happen to the child once out of sight. But of course, it’s a no-brainier, if you see a child literally being beaten, or physically attacked, or repeated verbal/physical aggression that’s outside the boundaries of a proportionate response then always always report. Doesn’t matter if you feel awful, even if you ARE worried about the aftermath, in these situations you may just help that child escape further misery & abuse.

My best friend works for children’s social services & her message is loud & clear; trust your gut instincts ALWAYS

@Pelligro

Good question OP.

I very rarely confront but I did about a week ago. Driving to work and saw two children and their mother walking to school. I was sat at the lights and the mum was clearly shouting at the kids as they walked along. The daughter was about 6 and just looked resigned to the whole thing. Then the mum grabbed her by the shoulder and span her around, the kid flinched in the only way that a kid who is regularly hit by an adult does. I was out of my car in two seconds flat.

Predictably the mum unleashed a tirade of vileness towards me. I completely ignored her and asked her DD if she was ok and then said “it’s not your fault, please remember that” and got back in my car.

Absolute fucking rotten parenting

I was getting so depressed about this post until I read your one. Well done for standing up for that young girl. Hopefully your words will stick with her. I wish someone had told my mum off when she used to belittle me in public or manhandle me. Might not have stopped her permanently but for someone to say "remember it's not your fault " would have stuck with me ❤

@Hermanfromguesswho

I saw something worrying in a service station a while back. I hung back so I wouldn’t be obvious snd at a distance saw what car they got into. I took a quick pic of the number plate on my phone and then reported it to the police via an online form. I got a response about a week later saying that they obviously couldn’t give me any details but that snothrt local force had been involved and the children’s welfare was being checked on.

Thank you on behalf of that child ❤

About 3 years ago I witnessed something and it just gave me chills like I knew this kid was about to go home to a beating. A girl About 3 years old.
Took some pictures and sent to the police, explained I thought welfare needed checking because of some things I'd seen and heard.

Got a reply saying couldn't give any details but was being looked into.

Few months later found out on news that 2 kids taken into care after 1 Child found dead. Recognised the picture. Wasn't the girl but she was one of the ones taken into care so was her sibling aged 6. Dad in prison and mum ended up overdosing.

There was a go fund me to help get the kids some things and pay for a funeral for the boy.

I think about this a lot and wish I could have saved her at the time..

@Kuachui

About 3 years ago I witnessed something and it just gave me chills like I knew this kid was about to go home to a beating. A girl About 3 years old. Took some pictures and sent to the police, explained I thought welfare needed checking because of some things I'd seen and heard.

Got a reply saying couldn't give any details but was being looked into.

Few months later found out on news that 2 kids taken into care after 1 Child found dead. Recognised the picture. Wasn't the girl but she was one of the ones taken into care so was her sibling aged 6. Dad in prison and mum ended up overdosing.

There was a go fund me to help get the kids some things and pay for a funeral for the boy.

I think about this a lot and wish I could have saved her at the time..

God, that's heartbreaking. At least you did your best in contacting the police. You may we'll have saved the lives of the children taken into care. Well done.

That 🙄 face has made me so upset and angry. Yes people shout at their children but shouting repeatedly for no good reason is different. Adults can be nasty bullies to their children and the thought you’d 🙄 do that because someone is concerned for their child sickens me. It’s people like you who don’t care about other people but share the awful child abuse stories on Facebook with a ‘isn’t this awful’ status so everyone knows how nice you are

Be angry all you want, I don’t care, some parents shout, yes you may not like it but it’s not illegal and ss wouldn’t care, my kids say their teachers shout sometimes 🤷‍♀️ You are literally seeing a snap shot and have no idea if it was a one off so keep your nose out 🙄🙄🙄

I saw a man shouting at his child the other day now if you had walked past at that point you probably would have been all “how awful, how abusive, let me call ss!” But 10 seconds before the child had ran out into the road so how do you know what’s happened previously? You don’t, what good do you think will come out of challenging a stranger? If the man was hitting his child fair point but shouting? Seriously 🙄🙄🙄

It’s so difficult!

Every parent snaps and shouts and their children, some even smack them which is their own choice but obviously some parents are abusive and shouldn’t be allowed children and these need to be reported.

As PPs have suggested confronting them could make it worse for the child. In a supermarket there is not a lot you can do as even if you report it you wont know their names or anything.
If it looks very abusive then I’d ring 999 and try and get the police there before they leave.

The girl hitting her brother is bad but it isn’t something that needs to be reported.

Alot of the time abuse is hidden and very rarely do you see it happening in front of you. The parents who are shouting have usually just snapped and are having a bad day and they’ll feel guilty and apologise later on for it.

I once saw a woman storming out of a theme park with her kids, shouting at them very loudly about how she can’t take them anywhere without them moaning and falling out and she’s sick of it.

I didn’t confront her because the children were probably being little horrors all day for her and they deserved a telling off.

If she starting hitting them or swearing at them then that would have been crossing a line. I doubt I myself would have confronted her, but there would have been plenty of people nearby who would have done.

A child being hit with a metal trike - Call Police, obviously.

Someone actually terrifying you in a supermarket - alert security.

I've only said something to a parent twice, shouting etc I wouldn't normally comment on, although it does upset me a bit if children are really crying when being told off, especially little ones saying 'I'm sorry Mummy/ Daddy' etc.

One time I saw a woman smack her daughter round the head. Now I'll admit I smacked my kids when they were little, but more of a tap - this was a hard slap on a child of about 8, her head spun round. I can't remember exactly what I said but I got a tirade of abuse and it's probably only because there were loads of people around that the mother who was huge (about 6ft and 20st+) didn't go for me too. Afterwards a woman standing near me said she knew the woman and she often hit her daughter like that and worse. I asked her to report it, I hope she did.

Another time in our shopping centre there was a small child sobbing and doing (what we called in our house) the wee dance. She was saying to her family please I need a wee and they were ignoring her. I went over and very politely said that the loos were just over there, if they needed someone to stay with their shopping I could do that while they took her as it seemed she needed to go? One of the family got right up in my face and mocked me in a really sneery and threatening tone, while the others sort of circled round me laughing. It was one of the most oddly threatening experiences I've ever had. There was something very off about them but I had no details to report and nothing to report other than that they seemed odd.

I once saw a mum on the school run hitting one of her four year old twins around the head. i asked her if that was really necessary. The result was her following me down the road with her fist to my face, whilst I had a toddler in a pushchair. I was so shaken by the time I got to the school that my ds's teacher called me in and I was able to explain what had happened, so at least they were aware to look out for the kids.
Yesterday in the supermarket there was a little boy only about 18 months sort of running off ahead of his mum who was repeatedly shouting at him in agressive tone "Arlow .... get ere ... NOW " You know the type. It was horrible as he was only doing what comes naturally to an 18 month old and no concept of right or wrong.

Unless you can do something useful like report to the police or school (they’ll be able to pass onto a SW if the child has one) then do nothing.

Some of the worst treatment that ever happened in our home was the repercussions of well meaning people in the shop or park having a go at my father. That was always our fault.

The people who could have helped, like neighbours who could have called the police when they could hear things happen, never did.

@Pelligro

Good question OP.

I very rarely confront but I did about a week ago. Driving to work and saw two children and their mother walking to school. I was sat at the lights and the mum was clearly shouting at the kids as they walked along. The daughter was about 6 and just looked resigned to the whole thing. Then the mum grabbed her by the shoulder and span her around, the kid flinched in the only way that a kid who is regularly hit by an adult does. I was out of my car in two seconds flat.

Predictably the mum unleashed a tirade of vileness towards me. I completely ignored her and asked her DD if she was ok and then said “it’s not your fault, please remember that” and got back in my car.

Absolute fucking rotten parenting

Today’s instalment of something that never happened 😂

I know of a man who regularly says, they are my children. I can do what I like to them. Nutjob, going to nurture kids that wont be able to function as adults, Hes the most fucked up man I know.

Blimey Pelligro

Did the all the drivers in the queue of traffic, stand up and clap?

I've been in the situation where I had to report someone I considered a friend I cut her off after that I don't think anything was really done but I did what I thought was right at the time. It's hard to say what you would really do until your faced with it

It would depend on the situation. Bellowing and shouting continuously, to a a small child in a shop etc, would not make me tackle this in any way. I have seen this brutish behaviour many time in stores, and shopping precincts etc. You have only got to look at the type of men or women who are with these small children, to know what kind of parenting they are capable of, as you can hear their disgusting speech pattern towards their small children, foul words always, that the children will pick up on.

Lashing out to a small child will need reporting if you witness this. But there might often be a back lash from the offending person if you do this, depending on the type of character you are dealing with.

I'm struggling to imagine how you use a trike to hit someone?

Slightly different situation

But I stopped a guy beating up his wife. In a busy shopping centre. With 4000 odd people. He came after me with my child in my arms. They were 1 at the time. Not one person helped me.

Police got involved. Because he’d gone and stabbed some teenagers after and I’ve spent years and years wondering if I made it worse for the wife. If I pushed him into what he did after. And why the hell didn’t anyone help me when I had a 6’7 psychopath running after me. With my child in my arms

I spent months with the police. Apparently people don’t intervene nowadays because of weapons. But it’s a sad sad world we live in.

@WalkingOnTheCracks

Not the same situation, but just as depressing…

I'm on the station platform, and there's a harassed-looking woman with a baby in a buggy and a little boy of about four. The woman is not in a good mood. She keeps snapping at the boy who's wearing a 'I haven't even done anything yet' expression.

The train comes in. The doors open. Another woman with a kid of about seven gets on, slightly ahead of the woman with the buggy and the little boy.

The woman with the buggy says, "Oy - don't cut in front of my kid!" She then turns to her little boy, and offers some life advice.

"Kyle, what're you doin'? If someone cuts in front of yer like that, stand up for yerself! Kick the fucker! If you don't, I bloody will..."

Kyle will take this maternal directive to heart, I am sure, and put it into practice at some later date.

Saw a similar thing on the train once. It was busy in the daytime. Man gets on with a bike and another guy with him and a couple with a little boy of about 2. I think bike man said "Fuck" whilst talking to friend. The woman with the child overheard this and it caused her to unleash a tirade of abuse like I have never heard. She was hysterical and it was so loud everybody in the carriage could hear everything. Her opening gambit was "Don't fuckin swear in front of me kid". It continued with threats to assault the man, calling him every insult under the sun, threatening to "wrap your fuckin bike round your fuckin throat". Oh, the irony. Anyway, bike man was just looking at her really. Her apparent partner quietly said her name once in an attempt to stop her but she ignored him. This being Britain, everyone sat there pretending they couldn't hear. Nobody could intervene with someone like that. The thing that broke my heart was the little boy sitting there in his buggy completely unconcerned and calm so clearly he was really used to her behaviour. I felt so sad for what he will likely grow up to be.

I have once called the police when a woman completely lost it with her child and was lashing out at her. A man and a woman intervened getting between her and the child and she was going for the bloke as well. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who called as it was so extreme and police came really quickly, unsurprising really as station was about 500 yards away.

@skipperjonce

Say whaaaaat? Why would you dismiss that account as fabrication?? Sounds perfectly likely to me