To say yes then no ?

[stillvicarinatutu]

I've been good friends with someone I really do love and value for a few years although she is quite demanding as a friend , and quite needy / bossy

Recently this got worse as her marriage ended - her dh asked for divorce . She lives in a 2 million £ house , has cleaners , gardeners etc and doesn't work .
I rent a one bed place , work and am independent.
She asked me if I'd like to move in with her when she moves- she says I'll
Have own room , lounge and bathroom. She wants me to fund some renovations and says well both make money .
At first this sounded like the answer to my prayers - I'm in a rental . She said she would stay home and look after our pets , we'd split the bills so would keep the cleaner , have a great standard of living . I'd be secure new place has a pool , tons and tons of room . Large gardens . .

But the more I'm getting into this arrangement the more precarious it seems . She will be moving abroad as she has a home abroad - she wants me to fund renovations and then when we sell (she sells) well both make something from it . I aren't worried she would rip
Me off or anything like that . But she's needy , demanding, bossy and a drinker . She has a teenage girl who I do adore but I live alone now as both my kids are adult . I love my own space and being my own boss . She's determined this is happening despite when or if I say I have reservations and I've realised without someone else's money she couldn't maintain her standard of living,

We're both single but I've tried to broach the subject of what happens if we meet anyone?
What happens to me when she sells ?
What happens if I can't get a mortgage that's funds the renovations?

She dismisses it all . I'm sure we could live together happily if we do indeed have our own space but I'm getting cold feet and do t know how to
Broach this now because she tells me I'm being silly , being a witterer, a washer woman etc etc and that it will all be fine and to leave everything to her .

Am I being stupid and looking a gift horse in the mouth?
I do love her and I've said I will not put our friendship at risk . She says I'm being daft .

Your obvious relief is a clear cut sign you've made the right decision .

Just had a couple of shitty messages back .

She's not a good friend if she's sending shitty messages. So that confirms you've absolutely done the right thing in saying no. This is what she'd have been like through every single step of the renovation. Any time you'd said no, you'd have been subject to abuse.

You've really really dodged a bullet!

@stillvicarinatutu

Just had a couple of shitty messages back .

stand firm... choose YOU 🌸

That's just a taste of what you would get living in HER home, when you wouldn't want to be her on call, 24/7 skivvy.

She is not a friend.

She looks down on you the way someone does to a servant.

Your friendship is one-sided and she has cultivated the friendship for your usefulness.

Don't respond to her messages at all.

Let them hang there between you as a reminder of exactly who she is.

You’ve done the right thing OP.

It would have been absolutely fucking awful!

And you would have fallen out anyway. The friendship would have been broken if you’d gone ahead but you would be trapped.

She's asked that I leave her alone until she feels up to talking to me again .

Along with a twisted version of events and a few nasty little digs thrown in for good measure.

I started to send back the evidence that she was talking bollocks (she claimed I owed her money for a gift she'd given me , so I'd pointed out that ferrying her across the country for her new car had cost a fair bit in petrol that she'd promised to reimburse and never did ). It got petty so I've blocked her for now .
I'm having a quiet day . It's nice .

Wow. That’s not very nice of her. Sounds like she’s throwing her toys out of the pram. Stropping as she can’t get her own way.

Wonder why he divorced her…

Now you know you’ve made the right decision.

The only thing I’d add is that it’s not you putting the relationship at risk but her insistence that it will work and belittling your perfectly rational concerns.

Fuckin' hell, I'd never speak to her again.
The trash took itself out.

Goon on you.. you have taken back control 🎉

This had unmitigated disaster written all over it at the suggestion outset. Now you can clearly see for yourself it was never going to work and you really have dodged a bullet.

Stay strong and just see how your “friendship” is going forward but don’t be surprised if it’s now irretrievably broken as friends really don’t behave like this.

Glad to hear you came to this decision, from the outside looking in I have the feeling I you dodged a life altering bullet.