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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? To have felt a bit disrespected

75 replies

Smiths84 · 02/10/2021 19:07

DH and PIL took our 6mo DC out for a few hours the other morning. DC is EBF and I can tolerate 4 hours max before my boobs start to become engorged and sore. All 3 are aware of this as I mentioned it a few days prior when PIL had looked after DC while we had a few hours out. I text DH about 4 hours after they’d left asking if they were heading back soon and reminding him I’d made plans to see a friend with DC later that afternoon. He said yes heading back shortly it’s just busy with traffic. He didn’t return for another hour and a half so 5.5 hours after I’d last fed DC. (We did pack some bottles of ready made formula just in case but this back up in case DC gets hungry and won’t settle) By this point I had begun to sterilise a bottle to express into and had apologised to my friend that I’d be much later than I’d said. When I asked DH where he had been and why he had been so long he told me he hadn’t realised the time. They’d all gone back to my PIL for a cup of tea, to play with DC and try on some new outfits. I’ve told my DH that I was not happy that he had done this and the reasons why (he has apologised) but I’m also pretty unhappy with PIL too. I felt quite disrespected actually. AIBU and should I mention how it made me feel to PIL too?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 02/10/2021 19:09

You feed 4 hourly at 6 months?

WimpoleHat · 02/10/2021 19:11

Fair enough to be cross with DH; your PIL can be forgiven for not being “with the schedule”, I think.

LawnFever · 02/10/2021 19:11

Couldn’t you just have planned to express anyway, no matter what time they were due back?

Smiths84 · 02/10/2021 19:12

Usually more frequently! DC is a hungry baby! Hence why I packed a couple of bottles just in case. We’ve just begun weaning though.

OP posts:
DaftVader42 · 02/10/2021 19:13

That would have pissed me right off. And caused pain too. It’s your DH though, not PILs. Don’t let him blame them, his responsibility is to you / his DC.

ThePearSquare · 02/10/2021 19:14

I would have just expressed and gone on with my day instead of relying on them coming home earlier than they may have wanted, it’s a bit annoying but they were probably having a nice time and as they had milk on them didn’t feel they had to rush back as you can express.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 02/10/2021 19:15

This is on your DH.

User5827372728 · 02/10/2021 19:15

I would be grateful for the 5.5 hours to myself!

Smiths84 · 02/10/2021 19:16

@LawnFever I can’t really express, have never managed to get away with it, just hardly anything comes out and it is too painful. It was bottles of the pre made formula you just add a teat to that we’d popped in his bag

OP posts:
Polmuggle · 02/10/2021 19:21

Given you could express to relieve the pain, and it sounds like a genuine mistake, I'd let it go.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 02/10/2021 19:25

I couldnt express with a hand pump but had no issues with an electric pump. Which have you tried?

Id have been incredibly annoyed about him saying he was on his way and taking another hour and a half.

But maintaining a situation with breastfeeding where at 6 months old the father cannot take his child out for the day is really not acceptable. Younger and i wouldnt have questioned it. But six months?

Waspsarearseholes · 02/10/2021 19:28

I don't think you can pin this on your PILs. Your husband knows the score and should have got the baby back in time. Saying that, sometimes delays are inevitable so practicing pumping to relieve some of the discomfort, even if you're not able to pump enough for a feed (I never could but it did help to relieve some of the discomfort) might be a good idea.

usethedata · 02/10/2021 19:30

I think it's reasonable to feel annoyed with DP about this. Probably not PIL as they would follow DPs lead. BUT as you start to wear onto solids you are likely to find you need to go longer between feeds and/or feeds are shorter, so there is likely to be some discomfort until your supply reduces... I think it's worth finding some coping methods therefore anyway. I could never properly express, but if I went in a hot shower and put hot flannels on boobs I could release enough to be more comfortable. Hope that helps

usethedata · 02/10/2021 19:31

Wean not wear

Chocoqueen · 02/10/2021 19:43

YANBU - especially as you had other plans that them coming back late then made you late for. That would annoy me more than the feeding I think.

FWBNC · 02/10/2021 19:44

It was inconsiderate of your DH.

But it's not at all down to his parents!

HE is your husband.
HE is an adult
HE was the one responsible girl getting DS home on time.

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 02/10/2021 19:48

Your DH is at fault here.

Could you explain to him that after 4 hours he has essentially given you the equivalent of a big kick to the balls and ruined your other plans to boot.

Is he normally selfish or is this a one-off?

balernobetty · 02/10/2021 19:57

Def do not mention to your PIL, this is between you and your DH, it would be unfair to drag them into this

sst1234 · 02/10/2021 20:02

Are you always this controlling and difficult? Is it really that big a deal.

Floralnomad · 02/10/2021 20:08

I really don’t think this is a major issue , you can express milk and your child was catered for whilst they were out , stop making a drama about it .

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/10/2021 20:12

Sorry but I think you’re being a bit dramatic. I would have planned on pumping/expressing at the four hour point if they weren’t back by then. Life happens.

BrilliantBetty · 02/10/2021 20:17

I thought you were talking about a newborn or thereabouts and was going to say YANBU at all.. but given the age of bubba I think it's fair enough they stayed out longer and didn't rush back for a feed, it may have been a bit annoying for you but it's not disrespectful.

confettiballoons · 02/10/2021 20:19

I think at 6 months it’s a bit weird to be insisting the baby is delivered back to you every 4 hours, sorry.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/10/2021 20:20

Yabu. Baby had a back up bottle.
Buy a small pump for the next time he is delayed.

Fireplace12 · 02/10/2021 20:22

Your PIL probably don’t even remember that you mentioned it a few days ago. Or probably assumed you could express or get a hot bath to relieve discomfort. Unless you specifically told them to be back within a certain timeframe, YABU