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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? To have felt a bit disrespected

75 replies

Smiths84 · 02/10/2021 19:07

DH and PIL took our 6mo DC out for a few hours the other morning. DC is EBF and I can tolerate 4 hours max before my boobs start to become engorged and sore. All 3 are aware of this as I mentioned it a few days prior when PIL had looked after DC while we had a few hours out. I text DH about 4 hours after they’d left asking if they were heading back soon and reminding him I’d made plans to see a friend with DC later that afternoon. He said yes heading back shortly it’s just busy with traffic. He didn’t return for another hour and a half so 5.5 hours after I’d last fed DC. (We did pack some bottles of ready made formula just in case but this back up in case DC gets hungry and won’t settle) By this point I had begun to sterilise a bottle to express into and had apologised to my friend that I’d be much later than I’d said. When I asked DH where he had been and why he had been so long he told me he hadn’t realised the time. They’d all gone back to my PIL for a cup of tea, to play with DC and try on some new outfits. I’ve told my DH that I was not happy that he had done this and the reasons why (he has apologised) but I’m also pretty unhappy with PIL too. I felt quite disrespected actually. AIBU and should I mention how it made me feel to PIL too?

OP posts:

Autumngoldleaf · 02/10/2021 20:23

Op plan to fake them all out to lunch at 1 then drive them around for a good 1.5 hours!! See how they like it.

I'm afraid it's very typical selfish behavior.

Autumngoldleaf · 02/10/2021 20:23

Esp when you have shared such personal details.

CrystalMaisie · 02/10/2021 20:26

I remember the pain of being engorged and baby unable to latch because boobs too full!
Don’t pack a bottle next time, he’ll be home a lot sooner.

Inagony234 · 02/10/2021 20:26

I get why you're annoyed. But it's a bit sad to begrudge the chance to just go back to grandparents and play. It doesn't have to be so rigid. Your husband should've kept in touch with you, but I'd honestly let it go.

anon12345678901 · 02/10/2021 20:28

@confettiballoons

I think at 6 months it’s a bit weird to be insisting the baby is delivered back to you every 4 hours, sorry.

I agree. It's his child too, if he got distracted and lost track of time what's the harm? You could express or at least get in the shower and gently relieve the pressure. I know the soreness of full breasts as I fed my child for 2 years, but it's one of those things that can happen.

TempName01 · 02/10/2021 20:32

YANBU, I am surprised by some of the other posters! Your DH knew you would be uncomfortable/in pain and also had plans which he made you late for.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/10/2021 20:35

At 6 months the family shouldn't be stuck to a 4 hour routine.
It isn't disrespectful.
Try weaning baby for a 6 hour feed for more freedom and hopefully your milk will adjust.

qpmz · 02/10/2021 20:41

It would have been annoying that they were later than they said especially given you'd made plans. Amazing to have that break for a few hours though so I would encourage that.

TempName01 · 02/10/2021 20:43

Yes she can start weaning the baby and that will make things more flexible for future but the issue is her DH did not stick to the plan. It’s not a major issue but understandable to be pissed off.

TempName01 · 02/10/2021 20:47

I don’t think you should mention it to the PIL though, not really anything to do with them.

Honestmary · 02/10/2021 21:01

I think it’s lovely he gave you a break, this seems to be rather rare.There is a woman on another thread spitting feathers she was left for 4 hours with screaming kids and her husband left her to it. Funny how both fathers are being called selfish, doesn’t seem either can win

Funnylittlefloozie · 02/10/2021 21:02

Presumably the baby was ok,though, if they all thought it was ok to stay out longer. If he had been screaming his little head off and refused any milk, i doubt they would have been faffing around with outfits etc. I'm sorry your boobs are hurting, but realistically its about the baby's welfare.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/10/2021 21:02

It’s his fault, not theirs. Lay all the blame where it’s due. You’d agreed how long he’d be, you had plans, he pissed all over them and lied about when he’d be back.

Not everyone can express.
It’s perfectly normal to feed every 4 hours.
It’s not at all okay for him to care so little about your well-being.

Are he or PIL anti breastfeeding? Or just stupid and thoughtless?

He’s still the only one at fault.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/10/2021 21:03

Oh, and a staggering number of posters on here are virulently anti breastfeeding. So the narky comments are to be expected. Don’t let them upset you.

burritofan · 02/10/2021 21:06

You feed 4 hourly at 6 months?
DD fed 2-hourly at 6 months. Some babies are a pain in the bum.

I’d be annoyed too OP, but your DH has apologised and next time will give you a heads up earlier so you can express. Do you really want to talk tits with your PIL?

EarringsandLipstick · 02/10/2021 21:09

Feeding 4 hourly is absolutely normal at 6 months, if not more frequently. He hasn't started weaning yet & when he does it'll be tiny amounts of food

OP, YANBU. I agree with you that both DH & PIL were thoughtless, especially as your plans to go out.

ThePoint678 · 02/10/2021 21:11

I’d be annoyed that you had a plan with DH and you had a plan with your friend and it was all thrown into disarray because your DH “lost track of time”. You could have been in pain. He could have called. Of course, you could have called him and expressed earlier.

I’d have been annoyed.

Skysblue · 02/10/2021 21:12

Yanbu. That was really selfish of them.

CallMeRisley · 02/10/2021 21:16

@HoppingPavlova

You feed 4 hourly at 6 months?

Can’t work out whether you’re asking because you think it’s too much or too little, but my EBF 6.5mo feeds approx every 2-3 hours.

Original poster

Smiths84 · 02/10/2021 21:22

Thanks for the replies. Just to respond to a few comments and add context. I don’t insist that DC is brought back every 4 hours, it’s the max I and DC can last at the moment. DC has just turned 6 month. I would love to have longer between feeds but I have just been feeding on demand. Maybe it’s unusual for this age but I’ve no other children to compare to. Am happy to continue going with the flow and feed as needed. I did really enjoy having some time to myself. I just didn’t enjoy the very last part lol! @sst1234 I think your comment is a bit harsh considering the limited facts I’ve given. I’m pretty laid back actually and not controlling at all. We’ve a lovely relationship. I sent one text to ask if they were heading soon, mentioned I would be getting sore soon and that I had plans. When DH came home I was calm and asked where they had been and said I’d had to ring my friend and push my plans back and that at the moment 4 hours is all I can manage. There was no argument. Neither of us like drama. DH is actually lovely I just couldn’t get my head around why he chose to pop off to PIL for another hour and a half given my message. I totally take on board I’ll need to find ways to manage as DC weans. I could have relieved the pressure I suppose but my annoyance came from the fact that I had to do it when it could have been avoided iyswim. I don’t think I would have been annoyed if they had just been delayed. Just good to get some other perspectives. I’ll not say anything to PIL but they are aware of how often DC feeds and how long I can manage as they keep offering to take DC for longer periods and I’ve made a lot of effort to get DC to spend time with them by them taking DC for a few hours and then me spending a few hours there so they can see DC between feeds. Am prepared to accept I’m being unreasonable though

OP posts:

DuggeeHugPlease · 02/10/2021 21:22

@HoppingPavlova

You feed 4 hourly at 6 months?

Pretty normal I'd think. Deffo for EBF but even formula feeding recommends 5 feeds in 24 hours which if sleeping a decent stretch overnight could work out every 4 hours during the day.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/10/2021 21:23

but my EBF 6.5mo feeds approx every 2-3 hours.
Is baby eating solid or still EBF?
If baby is weaning on solids it is too much.

WeeWelshWoman · 02/10/2021 21:28

@EmeraldShamrock well that's simply not true. Every 4 hours with small quantities of food at 6 months is very normal.

Lots of posters here clearly not breastfed babies past 6 months!

DocAutumn · 02/10/2021 21:32

Your DH took your baby off for 5. 5 hours. Doesn't sound too bad.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/10/2021 21:32

I think PP are being harsh.

At 6 months the vast majority of a babys nutrition is breastmilk. All these people saying 'as if a 6 month old needs fed every 4 hours', well they do, their weaning journey has only just begun, they arent going to eat or drink enough at a meal to go without feeds, and a lot of breastfed babies don't take a lot of bottled milk. Not many adults with much bigger stomachs go without eating or drinking. I think we were still on 4 or 5 feeds a day at that age. And it's not unusual or doing anything wrong. Also at that age, babies are so efficient at feeding and it's not unusual to not be able to pump enough to really help relieve full breasts, pumping is just not the same mechanism.

Its rude of your husband to leave you in pain for 1.5 hours more than you asked him to be, and its rude of him to say he is on his way then turn up 90 minutes later because he 'lost track of time' having a cup of tea. And I'd be pissed off.

I wouldn't say anything to his parents though. If one parent is ok with arrangements, most people wouldn't think of questioning this or asking to check if it was actually ok with the other parent

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