Mean and unhelpful comments

[forthelaughs]

I'm quite new to MN and joined because I always found myself going on Google and asking questions like, 'what nappies prevents leaks for a baby that sleeps on their front' and would have past answers from MN come up. I thought to myself, 'I always seem to be on this site, let me download the app and join.'

I've only been on here for a month or so but I'm really shocked at some of the responses I see in people's threads and struggling to understand why?! It's one thing to disagree with someone's views or try to show a different perspective but often I see people kicking someone when they're already down, being as negative as possible or adding blatant unhelpful comments just for the sake of it.

Maybe this is the tone of MN and many people don't see anything wrong but if anyone agrees, do you think this is because it's an anonymous site and people can get away with saying mean things? Maybe a case of people being 'keyboard warriors,' and being extra mean because it's not a face to face interaction and so on.

Really interested to hear people's views or if I'm just new here and need to adapt to the jist of things🤔

Mostly people are descent. There might be the odd sarky comment here and there but that’s life I suppose.

Some posters are harsh but I suspect they are the ones IRL that are blunt and not necessarily considered ‘a people’s person’.

Sometimes the OP is a bit dramatic and people are like 🙄 and on the one hand it can make the OP feel a bit crap, if they get blunt replies, but it can actually make them reconsider their own position, so ultimately be helpful.

We used to have a persistent troll, whose theme was 'you're all bitches'

Now I'm not saying you're anything tomdi with that troll. But I thought you might want to be aware of the background. This a place where the all-pervading pressure on women to be nice all the time is actively rejected. Telling people off for not being nice enough, in a thread specifically fir that purpose, never goes down well.

But there is a solution at your fingertips.

Stop chastising other posters and post in the way you think is better. On the thread in question.

This is what I mean lol get a grip. All I did is ask a question I know there are plenty other sites thanks

And Thai is what I mean about being thin skinned. You asked a question, I answered it. I hat responses did you expect? Did you expect apologies?

Oh god please no more of this #bekind shit
Of all weeks to think telling women to be sweet chintzy and compliant this was probably the worst

@YourFinestPantaloons

This is what I mean lol get a grip. All I did is ask a question I know there are plenty other sites thanks

And Thai is what I mean about being thin skinned. You asked a question, I answered it. I hat responses did you expect? Did you expect apologies?

No one's being thinned skinned but this is literally my point about unhelpful comments. I've asked a question and you're essentially saying if I don't like it I can go elsewhere. Don't you think I know I can go elsewhere...? As for wanting an apology I'm not even sure what to say back to that. Have a good day!

I came across an OP posting about being upset that her DH had called her a cunt. I remembered the username. To this day I sometimes see this poster pop up in threads... generally being a cunt to people. Stuck with me for some reason.

@forthelaughs I'll rephrase my question - what helpful answers are you expecting?

It really depends in which board and thread you land – gardening generally a delight; relationships and property can be good but occasionally go batshit; I would never dare post in AIBU? particularly on sleep, breastfeeding or finance; sleep board was a lifeline to me and everyone was kind and clever without being nethunny.

But it also depends on how the OP is phrased (heaven help you if you kick off with a spelling mistake or regionalism), the time of day, mood of the first response (opens the floodgates), waxing and waning of the moon, weather, boredom levels, etc

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Oh god please no more of this #bekind shit Of all weeks to think telling women to be sweet chintzy and compliant this was probably the worst

I agree. The #bekind is code for "women: STFU"

Agree with pp - the narrative in out society that women should be endlessly kind and self-sacraficing is just a way of controlling women. It is misogyny. Women are allowed to be rude, get angry and take up space.

I like it.

@Hobnobswantshernameback

Oh god please no more of this #bekind shit Of all weeks to think telling women to be sweet chintzy and compliant this was probably the worst

See I think the exact opposite to you - this week of all weeks is exactly the time to be kind!

@Thesummeriwas16 no, this week is the time to be fucking angry, not kind

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@Thesummeriwas16 no, this week is the time to be fucking angry, not kind[/quote]
To the perpetrator and the police that have allowed this to happen but not each other and not to other women who are asking a simple question - that's just downright bullying.

Probably not the best place to ask for advice OP

For the few responses I've had so far, I definitely agree that certain boards often require certain responses whether that be upfront and harsh or positive and friendly depending on the OPs situation and the way they've phrased their post! Really interesting to hear some people's experiences and in no way was I saying MN is bad/all bad because of the negative comments I've seem to come across.

As for the last previous comments saying 'no more of this #bekind shit' and 'saying women should be endlessly kind and self sacrificing' blah blah blah. Sorry but I didn't know it was anything but common manners to not be rude to someone who hasn't been rude to you? no one said women weren't allowed to be rude and I'm not sure why this has been made into a gender thing. Whether you're a woman or a man, why be rude to someone for no reason at all?

I'm definitely not one to be going back and forth with what bizzare things strangers have to say on the internet but thank you for the majority! Think it also takes a bit of time getting used to this forum too:)

I'm new to MN too and I had absolutely no idea that AIBU was the place for posters to be mean 🤔 (or at least blunt/no-holds-barred etc). I thought it was for posters asking whether their reactions to a situation were reasonable or not.

Perhaps each board needs a sub-title or heads-up so the newbies can get the hang of it

I agree op

Ah it's the weekly 'why is everyone so mean' thread

I think it's a problem with social media in general, communicating virtually. I have to say, I am sometimes guilty of it and have to remind myself that there is a real person behind the screen and to fucking dial things a bit. Mind you, Twitter is much worse than even the AIBU bearpit.

FWIW posters on this website have actually saved at least one life - there was a poor woman who has having what she thought was a heavy period - she was persuaded to go to doctor and it turned out to be serious.

This isn't a site like NM just for mothers, you get people who have no intention of having children, men, people who are exclusively interested in some of the topics. And they let you swear

Welcome to MN, you need your hard hat on here

You can hide AIBU. And it isn't compulsory to be on threads

@LukeEvansWife

Ah it's the weekly 'why is everyone so mean' thread

That's right - because it's obviously a thing on here (not for the vast majority who are helpful) as some posters just can't seem to help themselves and are reverting to the mean girl in the playground.

And if you doubt this had been a long-standing issue, try searching AIBU - honestly these 'why are people so mean' threads are a very regular
Thing