Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is just bloody rude?!

97 replies

ChamberofSecrets69 · 01/10/2021 20:11

Invited friends round for drinks tonight. So far, they're 40 minutes late with no text to let us know why. If I'm even going to be 5 minutes late I'll let the person whose house I'm going to know I'm going to be late.

Would I be unreasonable to tell them not to bother coming? This has just pissed me off tbh.

OP posts:
rattlemehearties · 01/10/2021 21:52

I agree with @OtherInfo that they were probably trying to fit in dinner before coming to you for "drinks"!

LobsterNapkin · 01/10/2021 21:56

I don't think it's a very good idea to cut ties without a clearer idea what happened.

Sometimes people don't have the same expectations about what counts as "on-time." Or they messed up and got the time wrong/didn't realize how late it was. I have a few friends who are consistently 40 minutes late, they seem to be unable to adjust without serious stress, so I just plan for it.

Depending on how long you were going to visit, 40 min might not seem so long, either.

grapewine · 01/10/2021 21:59

I make allowances for friends with small children, but for anyone else, 40 minutes is absolutely rude when they've been given a specific time. Traffic can be a factor, obviously, but then they should let you know.

They've probably either had a shag or a row ...

Testingprof · 01/10/2021 22:10

@SunShinesBrightly

I always give a time window btw. Come between 7 and 7.30 means not before 7 and NOT AFTER 7.30!
Ohh that’s perfect as an idea. I’m always early (but just sit outside in the car or wander round shops) as I don’t want to be late but a window means I’m not late if I arrive at 7:05. I’m going to start using this.
wanttomarryamillionaire · 01/10/2021 22:15

Being late without letting a host know and having a good reason is disrespectful and rude. Lateness is one of my biggest bugbears, it's just so bloody rude! Obviously unavoidable on rate occasions but some people make a habit of it.

Annietheacrobat · 01/10/2021 22:18

Stuck in petrol traffic?

DrManhattan · 01/10/2021 22:31

So .... did they turn up???

annacondom · 01/10/2021 22:50

The OP is either listening to her friends' story about the sudden leak in their house or she is alone in the bath on her third G &T.

tricky29 · 01/10/2021 22:54

Are they old or new friends? You might have to get used to how they keep time if new friends.

We have friends who are lovely and would drop everything and do anything for us but are just utterly shit at time keeping. We work around them as I am sure they do for us in their own way.

Are you (in a nice way) uptight and anxious about time where others aren’t?

If it’s just a drink I’m more relaxed but probably an hour after I’d say was taking the piss/too casual. If you’re bothered or annoyed about this kind of thing (I am, partner not) then you probably need to be more specific.

MrsIsobelCrawley · 01/10/2021 22:57

You invited these friends for drinks at 7:30pm.

Perhaps they left home on time but only then realised they needed to call into the chipper on the way.

xprincessxjanetx · 01/10/2021 22:58

YANBU, I wouldn't be too pleased if this happened to me.

BiLuminous · 01/10/2021 23:03

I'd be annoyed too. If there were a lot of people coming I wouldn't but when it's not many people it makes things awkward.

BiLuminous · 01/10/2021 23:04

(I wouldn't tell them not to come though)

worriedatthemoment · 01/10/2021 23:07

Do you know them well ? As for drinks my friends would say come from 7pm/ 8pm or whatever meaning when your ready ? Maybe thats how they roll ?

beansontoastwithcheeseplease · 01/10/2021 23:11

Is it a car keys in a bowl party?

BertramLacey · 01/10/2021 23:13

I wouldn't text someone to say I'd be 5 minutes late. The text would probably read 'sorry, will be 5 minutes late because I stopped to send you this text'.

I'd text if I was going to be 15+ mins late because I'd know that before I left home. But 5 minutes would probably be because I was stuck behind cows or a tractor and then I wouldn't be able to text because I'd be driving.

Lalliella · 01/10/2021 23:20

What happened OP?

TartanJumper · 02/10/2021 00:00

It sounds pretty casual, so up to 30 minutes either way for drinks wouldn't bother me too much.
I think I would be just starting to get annoyed at 40 minutes, though so I vote YANBU (well, I would if I could vote)

FuckmyHead · 02/10/2021 00:06

@beansontoastwithcheeseplease

Grin
BootsScootsAndToots · 02/10/2021 00:07

We invited friends once for a 'Christmas lunch' the week before Christmas because we were all a long way from home.

They were always late so we said arrive at 1 and dh had dinner ready for 2. 2 rolls around and I messaged them and their reply was they were 'just about to leave'...and they lived over an hour away.

Dh was fuming he'd put so much effort into lunch and they'd been so rude. He's disliked them since 😂

BiLuminous · 02/10/2021 00:10

@BootsScootsAndToots

We invited friends once for a 'Christmas lunch' the week before Christmas because we were all a long way from home.

They were always late so we said arrive at 1 and dh had dinner ready for 2. 2 rolls around and I messaged them and their reply was they were 'just about to leave'...and they lived over an hour away.

Dh was fuming he'd put so much effort into lunch and they'd been so rude. He's disliked them since 😂

I would be too! It's so rude. If I know I'm going to be even 5 minutes late I will text to say so. I know some people struggle with time management, myself included (I end up stupidly early to combat it now) so I give leeway for that, but for many people being late is about a lack of respect. It says the person's time isn't worth anything and their company isn't important enough to be there on time!
Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 02/10/2021 00:15

Have they arrived? If only we could set off a Mumsnet alarm to go off on Chambers computer, flashing lights and wailing "Mumsnet alert' ' Mumsnet alert, she was on here bitching and moaning about you being late half an hour ago".

I am sure they are all having a lovely evening now. At least she managed to satisfactorily kill the waiting time. I would still have been cleaning up the house and emptying the dishwasher. If I invite people round and they dare to be on time, I am usually still in the shower.

Viviennemary · 02/10/2021 00:36

Just drinks means the time is more flexible I'd say. I think 30 or so minutes late is fine. I hate folk arriving on the dot.

KatherineJaneway · 02/10/2021 06:44

Did they give a good reason for being so late? Did they arrive at all?

PatchworkElmer · 02/10/2021 07:11

I think it’s really rude!