Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to buy DD girly shoes?

61 replies

EagleOrIgel · 30/09/2021 16:39

She's 9 and chose a pair of lurid green trainers for her school PE shoes. She loves them and is very happy, they're comfy etc. A couple of the boys in her class also have the same shoes which doesn't bother her.

She's just started a new club sport, in a group of 9-16 year olds. She's quite a "young" 9 year old compared to some of her friends and can be a bit oblivious to social currents going on around her. She's been bringing her school kit home each week to go to training. I got there early last week and went in to watch and her trainers stood out like a sore thumb! All of the others are wearing mainly black trainers with coloured streaks; pinks, purples or more sober colours. I was planning to buy her a now pair anyway to save the bringing and taking of an extra school bag. Should I insist on a pair which will fit in better with what the rest of the team wear or let her choose?

(When they play matches, they wear black shorts and a royal blue t-shirt)

OP posts:
Brefugee · 30/09/2021 16:43

Let her choose, fgs.

smallybells · 30/09/2021 16:45

YABU to assign any importance to the colour of her shoes.

She loves them. They are comfy. They do the job.

Will it make you feel warm and fuzzy if she gets a sparkly pink pair with unicorns on?! 🙄

Perhaps, as you are the person with the issue, you should only look at the knees and above?

Buggritbuggrit · 30/09/2021 16:45

What exactly is it that you’re worried will happen if her trainers don’t match everyone else’s?

SquareYellow · 30/09/2021 16:46

Please let her pick what she wants. She’ll soon learn to like pink as that is what makes ,umma happy, rather than what she wants. Kids choose pink as they get a positive response from their parents and want to please them. She’ll probably change next year but let her wear what she wants.

Mumoblue · 30/09/2021 16:47

YABU.

They’re just shoes. Let her choose what she likes.

MaskingForIt · 30/09/2021 16:49

You have a daughter who knows her own mind and you want to override that with pink? This is why we will never have equality of the sexes.

NeedingAGoodNap · 30/09/2021 16:50

This is nuts. They are just shoes. Let her be.

hangrylady · 30/09/2021 16:50

Let her choose. If you can't wear bright green shoes when you're 9 when can you? If she was bothered about fitting in or getting picked on that's different, but if they are practical and she likes them it's fine.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2021 16:51

Yabu

It’s very healthy that she knows her own mind and tastes! Don’t try to force her to be the same as the others for no reason.

justmetoday · 30/09/2021 16:51

I have the opposite problem. DD wont wear anything thats not sparkly or pink with unicorns on it. Shes much younger, but i cant wait for this phase to go Wink

I would let her choose, but maybe steer her towards something that fits with her clothes for the matches. Just say “look, these would go great with your shirt”. But if she really wants something different just let her have it.

Wilkolampshade · 30/09/2021 16:56

For goodness sake yes, YABVVVU - Sorry OP.
She's made it this far knowing her own mind and not needing to follow the crowd, you should be proud! Let her be!
In the next few years the world will swamp her with highly gendered messages not just re' clothing, but also her body, her academic choices, her choice of hobbies and career.. Don't you go doing it too.

LadyJaye · 30/09/2021 16:57

I play rugby in a forward position. I am incredibly old-school and of the opinion that 'forwards wear black, backs... can do what they want'. Grin

But now the kidz are railing against their old-fashioned skip and - shock, horror! - WEARING COLOURED BOOTS TO SCRUMMAGE. Weirdly, it doesn't seem to impede their ability to play at all...

If your daughter is comfortable and the shoes do their job, let her crack on.

steff13 · 30/09/2021 17:04

I'm not sure what the sport is, but here (US) each sport a kid plays has specific shoes you have to buy, so she wouldn't be allowed to wear her regular tennis shoes for the sport. On that basis, I'd buy her shoes just for the sport. I'd let her pick the color though.

Nietzschethehiker · 30/09/2021 17:21

The worst lesson to teach here would be to fit in with others for absolutely no reason than her parent thinks she stands out.

You would be teaching her to be more concerned about random opinions than her own choices and to be more worried with "fitting in" than anything truly solid like knowing her own mind.

I mean come on. Seriously ?

Wisewordswouldhelp · 30/09/2021 17:24

Bright luminois colours are really im at the moment.

Wisewordswouldhelp · 30/09/2021 17:24

In

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 30/09/2021 17:26

Let her choose. And stop saying 'girly'. It's a horrible, outdated word for an insidious and pressurising concept. Let your daughter learn to be herself before society does its darndest to smash it out of her.

It's not 'just' a pair of shoes, really...

OakPine · 30/09/2021 17:28

wtaf have I just read.
Yeah get your daughter dressed in pink. Its 2021 after all. We wouldn't want anyone to think she wasn't "girly".
OMG please tell me that this is a wind-up thread.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2021 17:30

Let her choose any shoes which fit well and function well.

I bet some of the other girls are envious of your DD's bright green. The older ones are probably constrained in their choices by the colours available in women's sizes.

00100001 · 30/09/2021 17:30

Why would you buy her another pair of she's perfectly content in her green ones? Confused

I thought the OP was going along the lines of "DD just chose bright green trainers, but now wants to get girly ones because that's what everyone else is wearing. DH says we shouldn't buy another pair, AIBU to buy her anew pair anyway?"

Confused
britnay · 30/09/2021 17:31

FFS, let her choose her own style.

My 9y.o. son chose pink shoes and wears them with confidence.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/09/2021 17:34

Why would you buy her another pair of she's perfectly content in her green ones?

The OP did explain that, I was planning to buy her a now pair anyway to save the bringing and taking of an extra school bag.
Which is fair enough. And for sure, best to let the DD choose the new ones not just automatically get another green pair.

girlmom21 · 30/09/2021 17:36

Black trainers aren't girly.

Why not let her choose her 2nd pair of trainers?

actingsergeant · 30/09/2021 17:40

this is so depressing to read

00100001 · 30/09/2021 17:41

@ErrolTheDragon

Why would you buy her another pair of she's perfectly content in her green ones?

The OP did explain that, I was planning to buy her a now pair anyway to save the bringing and taking of an extra school bag.
Which is fair enough. And for sure, best to let the DD choose the new ones not just automatically get another green pair.

Fair.