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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to buy DD girly shoes?

61 replies

EagleOrIgel · 30/09/2021 16:39

She's 9 and chose a pair of lurid green trainers for her school PE shoes. She loves them and is very happy, they're comfy etc. A couple of the boys in her class also have the same shoes which doesn't bother her.

She's just started a new club sport, in a group of 9-16 year olds. She's quite a "young" 9 year old compared to some of her friends and can be a bit oblivious to social currents going on around her. She's been bringing her school kit home each week to go to training. I got there early last week and went in to watch and her trainers stood out like a sore thumb! All of the others are wearing mainly black trainers with coloured streaks; pinks, purples or more sober colours. I was planning to buy her a now pair anyway to save the bringing and taking of an extra school bag. Should I insist on a pair which will fit in better with what the rest of the team wear or let her choose?

(When they play matches, they wear black shorts and a royal blue t-shirt)

OP posts:

TolkiensFallow · 30/09/2021 20:47

This can’t be serious

DeepaBeesKit · 30/09/2021 20:49

Aaaaaaargh are you my mother circa 1994?!!! Green trainers are BEAUTIFUL. Why on earth would you want your confident, decisive girl who knows what she wants, to "fit in" for the sake of it?

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2021 20:50

Love a pair of bright trainers. Unless she says something let it go

Peace43 · 30/09/2021 20:55

My DD is 10 going on 17 (or she thinks she is!!) and she loves to stand out. She’d happily be the only one wearing a different colour as long as it isn’t pink. No one bullies her. She also wears hearing aids and glasses and no one cares about that either. Don’t stifle your DDs individuality, she won’t thank you for it.

DeepaBeesKit · 30/09/2021 20:57

Be PROUD of both your kids for standing out and being their own people. Show them they don't need to "fit in".

Ajl46 · 30/09/2021 22:22

YABU. She's happy with her shoes, so why aren't you? Being "a bit oblivious to social currents going on around her" may not be a bad thing if it means she has the confidence to choose to what she actually likes rather than following everyone else in an attempt to fit in.

Original poster

EagleOrIgel · 02/10/2021 05:57

She's happy with her shoes, so why aren't you?
I am! I'm not going to take them off of her! She'll keep them as her school PE shoes. It was only if I should try to persuade her towards less bright/standing out colour for a second pair to use in her out of school sports clubs.

OP posts:

Hydrate · 02/10/2021 06:04

I would let her choose. As long as they were comfortable and provided good foot support.

onelittlefrog · 02/10/2021 06:31

@EagleOrIgel

She's happy with her shoes, so why aren't you? I am! I'm not going to take them off of her! She'll keep them as her school PE shoes. It was only if I should try to persuade her towards less bright/standing out colour for a second pair to use in her out of school sports clubs.

Seems you have your answer, OP.

No.

You absolutely shouldn't.

Let her be who she is.

She can make her own decision about whether or not she wants to fit in, and doesn't need you to bulldoze all over it with your need to conform.

You will give her a complex if you carry on like this.

Icecreamsoda99 · 02/10/2021 06:41

If the others were pointing and laughing at her shoes you would have a point! Try and stop projecting your insecurities onto her.

WelshDaffodil · 02/10/2021 08:11

Ask yourself, if she was a boy, would you be thinking so hard about the colour of the shoes? If not, why not?

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