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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Escape FROM the country

61 replies

irishmist · 30/09/2021 15:40

I live in a semi-rural area - we moved for the DSs when they were very young. They had a great life here and are now at uni and doing well.
I have a part-time job and DH is self-employed.
The mortgage has just been paid off. These are things in life to celebrate. However, I hate where we live. I want to move to a city and enjoy city life because I’m withering away here.
There is nothing to do and now that we’ve entered this next stage of life, I want to have a social life, enjoy concerts, go to museums or just have a weekend without ‘going for a walk in the hills’. I’m sick to death of the countryside.
The problem is we can’t afford to buy a house in the city. Our option would be to rent - extortionate rents - but at least we would be in a city again. I could get a full-time job.
DH is very tied to the house as a safety net. I just want a fresh start and to have a life before we get too old.
AIBU?

OP posts:
smallybells · 30/09/2021 15:42

I would always say YABU to move to an area you can't avoid to buy in, and swap your mortgage free home for renting an expensive city dwelling!

smallybells · 30/09/2021 15:43

Apologies - posted too soon!!

Are you a commutable distance to the city? Could you perhaps get a job there to help get some time there, rather than move there?

I'm potentially biased, I love rural living and wouldn't go back to paying £2k for a two bed flat again!

GoodnightGrandma · 30/09/2021 15:44

I wouldn’t sell and rent.
How about going to stay in different cities, and enjoy the differences. You can usually get a cheaper deal on a longer stay.

minipie · 30/09/2021 15:46

I wouldn’t rent if you don’t have to. Not just for financial reasons but because of the insecurity and fact you can’t make changes. I suspect after owning for years you’d find it very hard.

However. I would definitely consider other options that allow you to move somewhere with more life. Could you afford:

  • a smaller place (flat not house?) in the city
  • a place in the city outskirts, close to a train into the city
  • a place in a medium sized town rather than the big city
minipie · 30/09/2021 15:46

Or a different city altogether?

Stompythedinosaur · 30/09/2021 15:50

I think swapping a mortgage free house for renting would be madness! Is there a cheaper area you could consider as a compromise?

In truth I'm not sure how living in the countryside stops you from going on a weekend away, though! How far are you from somewhere with museums etc, could you plan some day trips?

Original poster
irishmist · 30/09/2021 15:50

@smallybells but I would pay 2k for a flat.

We don't live a commutable distance.
There is no energy here. It suited its purpose for the time. I really want to have a city life again - not just as a visitor.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/09/2021 15:53

but I would pay 2k for a flat. From your part time wage?

You are going to have to find another solution. Rent out your house and rent a flat in a city for a while? You may end up running back to that rural quiet after a couple of years.

WhatAWasteOfOranges · 30/09/2021 16:00

Could you do lots of long weekends? What is your nearest city? How far away?

FAQs · 30/09/2021 16:00

I’m doing this in 8 months 🙏 it’s been a long time! I’m going to let my house and rent.

Snog · 30/09/2021 16:02

If you go back to working full time can you still not afford a city house?
Even one smaller than your current one?
Even if you take out another mortgage?

YANBU. I think the older you get the more it's good to be close to services, facilities and entertainment.

tedsletterofthelaw · 30/09/2021 16:02

When you say city, I assume you mean London? Would you consider a cheaper (to live) city?

Snog · 30/09/2021 16:03

If you have two cars can you drop to one or none in a city?

Remaker · 30/09/2021 16:04

If you were working full time in a city you might not have the energy for concerts and museums in your two days off per week. How far away are you from a city? Why not stay where you are, work part time, develop some more outside interests and have city breaks every month?

Tbh it sound like you are fed up with life in general and experiencing a bit of empty nest syndrome. I would investigate that a bit more before I blew up my finances assuming a change of scenery would fix everything.

Original poster
irishmist · 30/09/2021 16:04

The nearest city is 4 hours.
I am open to renting the house and will look at that.
I don't want a city break, we can do that.

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 30/09/2021 16:05

You seem to have a very rose tinted view of the city. When your student neighbours have an all night house party you may not feel the same.

Is there not a compromise to be had? Is there a smaller town with good transport links you could consider? Bit more in the way of cafes, classes and life and easy access when you want.

Surely all the equity you've worked for in your house would be pretty quickly eaten by 2k a month rent? And if you can afford that, couldn't you take on a small mortgage?

ReeseWitherfork · 30/09/2021 16:07

Maybe do a bit of research on cities in the north? Some beautiful places that probably fit the bill of what you're after but not London prices.

Newgirls · 30/09/2021 16:07

How about air B and B a few days a week in your favourite city to get a vibe for it? And then downsize?

citycitycity · 30/09/2021 16:07

YANBU there will be a solution - maybe a cheaper city or living in the outskirts to a city.

However you do it I think you should go for it (I also found living in the country dull)

zafferana · 30/09/2021 16:08

If you can't afford a house, could you afford a flat? Would that be acceptable to you? Would living on the outskirts of the city on a bus or train route be okay? I don't think I'd want to squander the proceeds from my house on renting, but there's a huge middle ground between 4 hours drive away and close enough to commute in and out.

Original poster
irishmist · 30/09/2021 16:09

@Remaker - maybe there is an element of empty nest or maybe it's a chance to make changes that we couldn't do when DSs were around.
We've a chance to put us first - and this location isn't it.

@FAQs - I am so happy for you.

OP posts:
IncorrigibleTitmouse · 30/09/2021 16:12

I totally get this. We moved from a large city to the exurbs and I'm now full time WFH. I feel like I'm going mad. Unfortunately, the reason we moved out here is that our city is now completely unaffordable and we couldn't afford to buy there. I think if I were you I'd look at renting out your house and use that to contribute towards rent on a flat closer to a city.

gannett · 30/09/2021 16:12

I've already told DP that hell will freeze over before I live a rural life. If we can't cling on to London it'll be a more affordable city abroad. I would absolutely consider renting in your position, OP.

Peccary · 30/09/2021 16:17

Is there a compromise? I live in a town that is 30 minutes to the city on the train in one direction and surrounded by national park in the other. Its no rural idyll and has the problems of any medium sized town but I feel it suits us for all stages of life. It is bloody cold in the winter though

Zilla1 · 30/09/2021 16:22

HNRTT but rather than sell, do you have the spare income to rent out your home and rent in the presumably more expensive city? That way your DP keeps his safety net and you get what you want?