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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Escape FROM the country

61 replies

irishmist · 30/09/2021 15:40

I live in a semi-rural area - we moved for the DSs when they were very young. They had a great life here and are now at uni and doing well.
I have a part-time job and DH is self-employed.
The mortgage has just been paid off. These are things in life to celebrate. However, I hate where we live. I want to move to a city and enjoy city life because I’m withering away here.
There is nothing to do and now that we’ve entered this next stage of life, I want to have a social life, enjoy concerts, go to museums or just have a weekend without ‘going for a walk in the hills’. I’m sick to death of the countryside.
The problem is we can’t afford to buy a house in the city. Our option would be to rent - extortionate rents - but at least we would be in a city again. I could get a full-time job.
DH is very tied to the house as a safety net. I just want a fresh start and to have a life before we get too old.
AIBU?

OP posts:
trappedsincesundaymorn · 30/09/2021 16:23

I'm with you OP. I can only imagine living somewhere that has a decent wifi signal, takeaway food delivered to your door, decent public transport, taxi's that cost less than £25 for a 7 mile journey, roads that are gritted in winter and where the local shop isn't a pretentious "farm shop" selling tiny loaves of bread for £3.

DIKateFleming · 30/09/2021 16:24

I get this, we live in a semi rural village. I’m already spending hours on rightmove looking at properties in London/ Leeds/ Manchester as I want to live somewhere where things happen once she’s left school. I wonder if it’s a village thing, my friend and I agreed we want to live somewhere with Deliveroo.

waybill · 30/09/2021 16:25

How rural is semi-rural? Surely there is a middle ground somewhere between that and the city lights - some decent-sized towns perhaps?

ReeseWitherfork · 30/09/2021 16:29

@DIKateFleming

I get this, we live in a semi rural village. I’m already spending hours on rightmove looking at properties in London/ Leeds/ Manchester as I want to live somewhere where things happen once she’s left school. I wonder if it’s a village thing, my friend and I agreed we want to live somewhere with Deliveroo.
That's the dream! I've got deliveroo FOMO.
Original poster
irishmist · 30/09/2021 16:32

I'm from the city and I've lived in tough areas and lovely areas. I'm well aware of the pitfalls of neighbours/social issues etc
Renting the house seems to be worth exploring and I will do that.
Compromise? We've made so many - like all parents - moving here in the first place, changing careers - we made mistakes but that happens.
Now I would like a chance - even to do it for a year - to be back in a city.

OP posts:
politics4me · 30/09/2021 16:36

We have done this but we had help from employer. We moved from Dorset to outer London.
Our adult DCs supported us, it was great fun and kept us young. Do find a way to try this. But please keep on the property ladder. And please do not settle for one bed flat.
Have you explored the possibilities of a live in job? Housekeeper/ caretaker? Are these still possible, or did they die out with Miss Marple?

GreenClock · 30/09/2021 16:36

I wouldn’t live rurally so I understand OP. I am not a concert-goer, but I like to be able to get a taxi or a takeaway without a fuss …and there are lots more reasons, of course.

Would you share the name of the city and your budget? Someone might have a bright idea.

Kpo58 · 30/09/2021 16:38

Would it be worth moving to under an hour away from a city to get the best of both worlds? As much as city life is nice, it does eat up your money really quickly if you want to actually do anything on a regular basis. If you don't have money it can be pretty boring as there is very little that you can do got free.

arootintootingoodtime · 30/09/2021 16:46

How much scope do you have for moving jobs? Could you look at other cities to move to? Otherwise, I agree with letting your house if you're going to rent somewhere. We moved areas (although from semi-rural to the same) and did this. After three years, we sold our old place and bought somewhere. As you don't have a mortgage to pay off, it might work quite well.

smallybells · 30/09/2021 16:47

To be honest OP, reading further with your more recent posts you do seem very unhappy with rural life.

I'm not sure what advice we can all offer - what does your DH think?

Would you be able to rent out your current home, then rent somewhere in the city of your choice for a year or two? That way, you've got the security of your paid off home and the chance to live back in the city too.

SheWoreYellow · 30/09/2021 16:48

If you could share some budget and requirement details I’m sure there are lots of people who can come up with some suggestions Smile

annieannietomjoe · 30/09/2021 16:59

What would your budget be? What about a well connected suburb/busy village

FluffyTeddyBear · 30/09/2021 17:01

Can you not have days out? City break holidays?

Original poster
irishmist · 30/09/2021 17:02

Would you be able to rent out your current home, then rent somewhere in the city of your choice for a year or two? That way, you've got the security of your paid off home and the chance to live back in the city too.
We are going to research this. Thank you, everyone.
I am unhappy and DH is aware. He also wants to move -
not sell and that's ok. We're mid 50s and don't have the worry of schools etc.
Thank you for your responses - they have given me a lot to think about.

OP posts:
ThreeFeetTall · 30/09/2021 17:07

Buy a two bed flat near good transport links. Rent one of the rooms out Monday- Friday during term time and then have a spare room for the kids in the uni holidays.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 30/09/2021 17:14

You need to research more. You want more life and buzz. You have a budget for housing. Both will meet somewhere

WhatLiesAhead · 30/09/2021 17:18

I wonder if there is a company that arranges longer term house swaps?
We are in a London and at some point in the next few years we want to spend a year in a quite remote place we have visited for holidays. Don't want a permanent move but just want the experience of a whole year. A house swap type thing would be great.

Wilkolampshade · 30/09/2021 17:18

God yes, do it. We moved back, when the kids were student age. Huge relief all round.
We weren't mortgage free and now have the biggest mortgage we've ever had but still would rather be here than not.
If you have the option to rent out the house I'd do that, then you don't lose your asset.

LowlandLucky · 30/09/2021 17:19

Ever thought of just visiting the city ? Surely you can travel every weekend and stay overnight in different towns and cities ? Why limit yourself to one city ? Back when life was normal we were away so often, Groupon and other sites do great deals. It must be better and cheaper than renting a property .

Didiusfalco · 30/09/2021 17:23

Surely you can’t be priced out of a house in all cities though? Could you not just choose a cheaper city?

GuckGuckDoose · 30/09/2021 17:26

There MUST be a city somewhere in the country that you can afford. What is your current home worth, roughly, and what would your budget be? You don’t mention being especially tied to one place or another - are you? There are is almost an undertone of defeatism in your posts - there are almost certainly solutions to your dilemma, you just need to find them!

IntermittentParps · 30/09/2021 17:30

When your student neighbours have an all night house party you may not feel the same.
Yes, city living is all like that Hmm

Rent out the country house, OP. Or Airbnb it if you can face the work/pay for someone to manage it –you'd possibly make decent money on it.

I always say: the premise of most horror films (actually all films about unhappy lives really) is basically 'don't go to the country.' Grin

megletthesecond · 30/09/2021 17:38

Do not sell up and rent.

How much is your budget?

chesirecat99 · 30/09/2021 17:54

Do it!

I absolutely love living in the city now my DC are at university. Pre-COVID, I was out most nights taking language or art/craft classes, going to lectures, making music, going to museums, galleries, concerts, comedy, film festivals and the theatre, or just socialising. Although, it's not the best time for all that as a lot of classes/clubs/societies aren't running or are online.

If you are going to do it, I would chose to be in the centre of town, if you don't mind the noise! Otherwise, once the novelty wears off, it's too easy to get stuck in a suburban rut.

Movinghouseatlast · 30/09/2021 17:58

Don't sell to rent! You have to think of your retirement. Stuck on a pension in a private rented flat would not be a great place to be if you can avoid it.

I would rent out your house and rent in a city instead if you really can't afford to buy.