To want to move to a hot country when my children are 18?

[sodabreadd]

I've always yearned to live in a hot country but have never truly pursued this. I have a toddler and newborn and so this won't be for a long time, but I'm considering moving when they're 18. I wouldn't move now as the UK meets our needs for right now. On the assumption that my children went to university, would it be awful of me to move when they either start or finish university? They are more than welcome to move with me but should they choose not to, I'd feel awful leaving them in the UK. I feel they would still need my support whilst branching out into independence, not me half way across the world (I have a country in mind). But if I wait too much longer, I will be significantly older (had my children later in life). I would hate for my children to feel neglected or abandoned, but I want to fulfill this dream. I'm married too and DH is open to staying or moving at that time, not overly fussed

@MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast

Can you pinpoint the exact life problems you would be solving by moving to a hot country?

This might help you decide which country and when.

This is very sound advice

"I've always yearned to live in a hot country ..."

A hot country. Some vague place with no characteristics other than being 'hot'.

Sorry, but I really cannot take this yearning seriously. If you wanted to move to a particular country that would be different, but as you've expressed it, you'd be moving FROM here rather than moving TO there. There's a difference.

We wouldn't make the move now as we want to be close to our parents and have them be a big part in our children's lives.

If your children have children would you move back? Just think it's funny you value being near your own parents but don't value that for your children. Tbh I think you should wait until your children are established in their own lives, not some arbitrary age you feel you can fling them out the nest.

I don't mean to come across bitchy at all, but I really think parents who ditch their kids to go off and live their dream kinda treat having kids as an item on their bucket list, that they've finished and now they can go and live their life. You never stop being a mum.
Will you expect them to visit you. What about when you need care. When you die. Its a whole load of work for them isn't it.

If you are keeping the house in the UK and they can live in it, I think it's not "abandoning" them, as long as you give them some financial support while at uni. emotionally it might be hard for them, though.

If you go and your parents are still around where does the responsibility lie looking after them?

I grew up 'in a hot country'. It was brilliant all restyled in the uk at uni age. I have yearnings to go but it's just not realistic.

@EileenGC

YANBU to want to move somewhere else, be it now or in 15-20 years’ time. Lots of people feel the same way.

My question would be, which hot countries do you have in mind? Caribbean or somewhere like Turkey or Thailand? Because the typical EU countries are now off the table unless you have an EU passport.

If your long-term goal is to live in Spain or France I’d actually make the move now, if you can find jobs that will sponsor you for a visa, and get your family established there whilst the kids are young. Moving to the EU post-retirement is now almost impossible from a legal point of view.

This is incorrect. You would have to demonstrate you can support yourself (there is a specific amount of income set) and I believe pay for health insurance if you came eg to Spain in retirement. There is a specific visa for retired people.

Firstly, agree that this isn't something you need to think about now. Sure, make financial plans, but the great thing about money is you can always spend it on something else if you change your mind. I'd argue 21 is probably better than 18, but tbh depends where you are and what provision you'll make for them.

I think as a parent to a toddler and baby you have no idea how you will feel when your children are 18. They may wish to come with you. they may be independent for their age, they may well still be very reliant on you. You have no idea what will happen in the next 16 years with your own life, your relationship, finances, health .

By all means start saving if you are able so you have the finances for whatever step you decide to take in the next 15 years but no need to make any firm decisions just yet !

My PIL left DH and his brother at 19 and 17 to go back to South Africa! I can't imagine being 5,500 miles away from my kids but at least it taught DH to be self sufficient! They just left them in London!

I get you though OP, I have a similar dream. I'd like to retire to Portugal. My youngest is 5 so a way to go yet. Particularly as young people struggle to get on the housing ladder. I'll have to win the lottery too.

Hmm I would maybe do a trial before taking the plunge...when your children are grown, spend a few months in the country of your choice to see if you like it. Going to a hot country on holiday is a lot different from living there day in day out.
I am originally from a hot country (EU) and it's no picnic. Very hard to escape the mosquitos, cockroaches and a whole variety of other biting and stinging insects.
In summer pretty much the whole country decamps to the seaside. The few people still left working go on a lunch break and often don't return til 3pm, or if they do they're inefficient and half asleep. It's a nightmare if you need something done urgently.
It's frowned upon to make noise in residential areas between 2 and 4pm as that's nap time, so if you have any noisy home maintenance needing done you have to wait (unless you want to risk the wrath of the local grannies).
Generally in most hot countries are poorer, things are more disorganised and there's more corruption.
I'm very happy in the north of Scotland

YANBU. You have a life too.
They might want to come with you. Or they might love being able to come and visit for free holidays.

A relative of mine has only just this week seen her 18-year-old (who she brought up to know how to cook/manage money etc) safely into a decent first job and sodded off to southern Europe to teach English.
NB the 18-year-old's dad is in the UK, in the same town, so there is support, but they are living independently.

Am from a hot country and hoping to stay in the UK because my country will be decimated by global.warming in 20 years. Takes all sorts!

@backoffice

It’s a lovely idea but almost impossible after Brexit. All of my retired friends have now moved back. Really a shame. We’re now planning winters away if we can - it’s nice to dream!

Thanks for informing us that all the world's hot countries are in the EU.

shinynewapple21

I think as a parent to a toddler and baby you have no idea how you will feel when your children are 18. They may wish to come with you. they may be independent for their age, they may well still be very reliant on you. You have no idea what will happen in the next 16 years with your own life, your relationship, finances, health .“

Yep, this. Our youngest is just an hour away, at 18. We’d dreamed of the open road - until he actually left. Wouldn’t be at all surprised if he isn’t asking us to move to a different country in a few weeks, I’m calling and texting that often. Suspect I’m being a right old PITA 🤣

I think a lot can change before now and then.
In principle I would wait until they had finished uni before moving away.

If you could keep a small place in the UK and a place somewhere hot then you could spend six months in each place.. thereby abandoning nobody?

By the time they're 18 the world will probably be on fire and you'll be fine and dandy living in Norwich because it will be 40° on a Wednesday in May.