To want to go away for Christmas?

[doorornottodoor]

I’m being made to feel I’m being a bit selfish.

3 older teens who would also all love to go away for Christmas (somewhere hot).

My husband feels bad about his parents. I’ve suggested we see them before or after for turkey etc… but Christmas Day is literally In the middle of the 2 week break we get.

If we go away it will need to be far enough away to get heat so it’s not really worth going for a week.

My parents are pretty relaxed about it.

In my view Christmas is just a day and we can celebrate it whenever we want. We can do it the week before we go instead.

Bit of backstory too about me finding my in laws quite selfish/difficult so it makes me even less feel like forgoing a family trip! Now the kids are older I’m not a big fan of Christmas at home. All that non stop eating and drinking, lying about and the mess, the dark nights (we’re in Scotland) and the amount of stuff! I’m quite an active person and I just find it boring after the first few days. Weather here is always crap too.

We haven’t spent Christmas with them for a few years - last year Covid, year before my family , year before we were away abroad.

So AIBU?

Why should you and the kids miss out on a trip abroad so that his mum and dad can have turkey on the 25th instead of on the, say, 18th? Fuck that. He's being ridiculous.

@JesusIsAnyNameFree

Why should you and the kids miss out on a trip abroad so that his mum and dad can have turkey on the 25th instead of on the, say, 18th? Fuck that. He's being ridiculous.

Couldn't agree more.

Thank you @JesusIsAnyNameFree that’s my feeling too. He loves Christmas at home, loves the cooking and looking after people. It’s his thing. Dollop in a lot of guilt and worry about his parents and there you have it!

The thing is the rest of us like it for two or three days but that’s it!

Do a big Christmas celebration before - make sure his parents are there and looked after then jump on that flight!

I can see why he and his parents think they're due a Christmas together, but you're not wrong for wanting to go either. I do think yabu to dismiss Christmas as just a day as though that's all it should mean to everyone else involved. Means a lot to some people as a happy celebration with family. But if it's what your kids want too, dh is outnumbered.

Oh well. I'd suggest he stays with them while you and the kids jet off somewhere hot and sunny.

If he loves it so much let him go to his parents and you and the kids go away to the sun. If you persuade him to go with you he'll be miserable and will have to phone home frequently, if you and the family stay home you'll be miserable - so break the mould and do your own thing. We did, after several years of alternate parents and it was wonderful. Shame to say(!) we hardly thought of home at all (except NYE). Do it - life's too short for what ifs.

@Holly60 yes that’s what we’ve done previously.

The last time (3 years ago) we went at Christmas (to stay with friends overseas) we nearly broke up over it! It was then the best holiday ever according to my children!

If he likes one thing and you like another surely you should compromise. If you had the last Xmas with your parents, the one before abroad isn't it his turn now?. Cant you book a week away going on boxing day or the day after

I understand he loves Christmas at home, but by the sounds of it he’s had every Christmas at home? I’m sure for one Christmas out of them all he can suck it up and join you all on holiday! And I say join as you and your kids should go whether he wants to or not!

We've just booked a week away for Christmas. Haven't told the in laws yet!!!

@Holskey I maybe didn’t phrase that correctly. What I meant was that the celebration of family etc.. could be on another day instead of 25th December.

I think guilt is his default when it comes to his mum. Which then pushes my buttons!

Where did his parents go the last few years? Can they come to you for new year instead?

@sweeneytoddsrazor maybe that might be fairer for him. Problem is there’s nowhere that close that we want to go to for Christmas- you really need to go 10 days

@sweeneytoddsrazor maybe that might be fairer for him. Problem is there’s nowhere that close that we want to go to for Christmas- you really need to go 10 days

@sweeneytoddsrazor

If he likes one thing and you like another surely you should compromise. If you had the last Xmas with your parents, the one before abroad isn't it his turn now?. Cant you book a week away going on boxing day or the day after

The OP only has so many chances to go away with her children like this. Soon enough, they will have their own partners, kids, in-laws and their own traditions.

His mummy and daddy can damn well suck down their turkey on a different date. Jesus christ.

I find it ridiculous that adults make a fuss over things like Christmas and birthdays. They are just days. Let them be miserable and moan about it over their cheerless day and get yourselves off for a lovely break in the sunshine,

@Tinkywinkydinkydoo we’ve had a lot of Christmases at home over the years. Last year -home, year before my parents (we rented a house as there were loads of us), year before abroad with friends, then can’t remember! We haven’t seen them for a while on Christmas Day to be fair. There is step family involved too so even when we’re here they may not be. We do always see them though- Boxing Day or week before Christmas.

We haven’t spent Christmas with them for a few years - last year Covid, year before my family , year before we were away abroad.

Were you in the habit of alternating families?

On the face of it, It sounds like it's his family's turn.

• You, OH and the kids (2018 - holiday)
• Your family (2019)
• You OH and the kids (2020 - Covid)
• Makes sense that the next turn is his family...?

There may also be a cost element. He doesn’t like paying for expensive holidays. Always been a bone of contention in our marriage. I paid for the flights abroad the last time from money my dad gave me. He will deny he’s tight because it’s not something he likes about himself. He thinks I’m the other way but I love holidays/travel so much!!! To be fair we are also going away in October half term for a week. Very cheaply I might add and we can afford it!

Do it! Christmas in the sun is fabulous, especially a Caribbean beach....

We manage it by hosting "Christmas" on another day, which also makes it easier for the (grown up) kids to have their own day. My lovely Mum takes it in her stride, she's on her own and she just has a normal dog-walking day and an alternative day with us.

@jesusisanynamefree
The OP only has so many chances to go away with her children like this. Soon enough, they will have their own partners, kids, in-laws and their own traditions.

You could something similar about dh and his parents. One day they'll be gone.

@themidnighttrain no we don’t alternate as he has a LOT of siblings/step siblings. I too have step siblings so alternating doesn’t work.

@Holskey I think this is how he feels. I understand it but feel (maybe selfishly) that a weekend the week before Christmas is a good compromise.

@Holskey I think this is how he feels. I understand it but feel (maybe selfishly) that a weekend the week before Christmas is a good compromise.