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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding related one

59 replies

AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:34

We have booked our wedding and my groom wanted to involve his sisters in the wedding party so we decided that they would be bridesmaids, along with my sisters. 6 altogether.

Groom was having a best woman. this then went to 2 best women and now he has decided that actually he wants 3 best women. These women will be dressed in a floaty jumpsuit, not a tuxedo.

So I have said, if you are having three women in your wedding party, your sisters might aswell be on your side too.

He thinks this isn't right because his sisters should be bridesmaids as is traditional.

I think that if you are having that many women your sisters might aswell be included.

There are no men at all in the wedding part except the groom and my son who is giving me away.

So;

YABU - his sisters should be bridesmaids

YANBU - he's having three women, what's two more.

I think his sisters will be hurt that he is essentially having three bridesmaids but not including them.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 29/09/2021 11:35

He’s already not being traditional by having best women not a best man

Mrgrinch · 29/09/2021 11:37

Why is he having three best women? Who are they?

KrisAkabusi · 29/09/2021 11:37

Is it traditional that the groom's sisters are bridesmaids? News to me!

ssd · 29/09/2021 11:38

What a load of faff. He sounds a right princess.

LtDansLegs · 29/09/2021 11:41

It's already non traditional to have best women in floaty jumpsuits! 😂 not sure where he's getting that argument from. Traditionally it would be your sisters as bridesmaids surely, not his.

If I was his sister, I'd feel like I was being foisted onto you - so he could have his more important "best women". His sisters should be stood by his side surely?!

SiobhanSharpe · 29/09/2021 11:42

That sounds like a fairly large and unwieldy wedding party - bride, groom and nine attendants!
And I too have never heard of a tradition whereby the groom's sisters must be bridesmaids....

SiobhanSharpe · 29/09/2021 11:44

And forgot to count OP's brother, so 10 in all ...

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:44

@LtDansLegs

It's already non traditional to have best women in floaty jumpsuits! 😂 not sure where he's getting that argument from. Traditionally it would be your sisters as bridesmaids surely, not his.

If I was his sister, I'd feel like I was being foisted onto you - so he could have his more important "best women". His sisters should be stood by his side surely?!

That is EXACTLY how I would feel as his sister!!!
OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 29/09/2021 11:45

All sounds very circus like to me.

He can't whinge about tradition whilst having 'best women'.

Cocomarine · 29/09/2021 11:45

It there are no men invited it sounds like a really small wedding. Is there anyone attending who isn’t in a ‘role’?

I’m intrigued that neither of you are close enough to any men to invite them.

Maybe he thinks his sisters would prefer the title “bridesmaid” than “best woman”, and / or prefer what you’re dressing them in.

It all sounds a bit like handing out titles for the sake of it, and you should just have guests!

But I suppose bottom line, bride chooses bridal party so it’s your choice not his. But as he’s supposed to be the love of your life, I think you’d need a good reason not to accommodate his request. I’m going to guess that the 3 best women are his friends - but his 2 sisters are just family. So their attendance isn’t a choice, as such.

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:47

@Mrgrinch

Why is he having three best women? Who are they?
They are his three best friends. At first he was going to choose one, settled in two because he couldn't choose between them and now he doesn't want the last one to feel left out.

To be fair we are hoping a coupe of the sisters One of his and one of mine might prefer to be witnesses instead because there are far too many as it is without now adding in an extra couple of best women.

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 29/09/2021 11:47

I think "traditionally" males close to the groom but not the best man would be ushers. So why can't they all be ushers? He can have an entourage in floaty jumpsuits.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/09/2021 11:49

Grooms party... grroms family and friends
Brides party... brides family and friends
Child attendants... wherever you want.

My brother was my witness. DHs female best friend was his, and his male best friend best man. 5 years later, he returned the favour for his female best friend and was her witness.

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:50

I wanted to have three bridesmaids but it seemed unfair to not ask them all since they are all equal standing. because we have so many siblings between us I sacrificed having any friends as bridesmaids to save hurt feelings. It just feels like a bit of a kick that he now has 3 friends included.

There are men invited yes.

OP posts:
GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 11:50

They should be his best women surely. Unless you are particularly close to them. Your bridal party is up to you.

How many people will be at this wedding? You don't want everyone being given a role. Are there ushers too? Flower girls?

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 11:52

It just feels like a bit of a kick that he now has 3 friends included. yes it's like he's dumped his sisters in the bridal party so he can have his 3 best women.

Bonheurdupasse · 29/09/2021 11:54

Your bridal party is up to you.
If he wants his sisters included he can do so on his side.

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:58

He did want all the children involved too but I have said no as I am not getting ready on the morning of the wedding surrounded by a load of kids. nieces and nephews on both sides so I have out my foot down there.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:59

No ushers no.

OP posts:
GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 11:59

How many guests are you planning? If it's a small number then you need some people to be guests!

SpiderinaWingMirror · 29/09/2021 12:01

Well you might as well just go with it now I reckon.

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:01

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Well you might as well just go with it now I reckon.
If you do this I'd insist your friends are also bridesmaids if that's what you want. Have 9 if needs be.
Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 12:03

I agree its getting out of hand. I think we need to rethink the whole thing.

I didn't even want that many bridesmaids but was just trying to keep the peace. might have no sisters as bridesmaids and just pick one friend as a maid of honour.

Its only a small wedding anyway! There will be no guests at this rate.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 12:03

We haven't asked anyone to have any role yet so its still able to change.

OP posts:
Boredhimtodeath · 29/09/2021 12:05

It’s not fair his family and friends get to do what he wants but your friends get pushed out!

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