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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding related one

59 replies

AndTime · 29/09/2021 11:34

We have booked our wedding and my groom wanted to involve his sisters in the wedding party so we decided that they would be bridesmaids, along with my sisters. 6 altogether.

Groom was having a best woman. this then went to 2 best women and now he has decided that actually he wants 3 best women. These women will be dressed in a floaty jumpsuit, not a tuxedo.

So I have said, if you are having three women in your wedding party, your sisters might aswell be on your side too.

He thinks this isn't right because his sisters should be bridesmaids as is traditional.

I think that if you are having that many women your sisters might aswell be included.

There are no men at all in the wedding part except the groom and my son who is giving me away.

So;

YABU - his sisters should be bridesmaids

YANBU - he's having three women, what's two more.

I think his sisters will be hurt that he is essentially having three bridesmaids but not including them.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 12:06

@MaggieFS

I think "traditionally" males close to the groom but not the best man would be ushers. So why can't they all be ushers? He can have an entourage in floaty jumpsuits.
They can't be ushers because they must all three be best woman apparently.

That's why his sisters are on my side because the groom doesn't have his sisters as a best man.

OP posts:
Underpaidsnackbitch · 29/09/2021 12:14

This doesn't seem fair. Your OH gets to include three of his friends and you don't get any of yours, plus have to have his sisters as your bridesmaids?

Holidaytan · 29/09/2021 12:33

3 best women is totally stupid. What are they actually going to do?
You won’t all fit up at the top of the aisle if the wedding is in a church, as the best man stays up close the the ceremony at the start. 6 of you will be crammed up together alongside the celebrant.

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:34

3 best women is totally stupid. What are they actually going to do the same as 3 best men would. Lots of blokes have more than one best man.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 29/09/2021 12:34

Tell him your three best friends want to be Best women as well. Might highlight how ridiculous its got.

Holidaytan · 29/09/2021 12:37

@GloomAndDoom and that’s stupid too.

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:38

[quote Holidaytan]@GloomAndDoom and that’s stupid too.[/quote]
Is having 3 bridesmaids stupid as well?

GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:39

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Tell him your three best friends want to be Best women as well. Might highlight how ridiculous its got.
Good idea!
GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:40

@AndTime

We haven't asked anyone to have any role yet so its still able to change.
Ah that's good!
Chloemol · 29/09/2021 12:40

It’s simple he chooses one as best woman and the other two are ushers

Up to you re bridesmaids but I would only be having my sisters

ikeepseeingit · 29/09/2021 12:44

Honestly this is why I had a maid of honour and some of the little girls in the family as bridesmaids. It was adorable and way less fuss 😂 Do his sisters have to be in a role at all? I wouldn’t bother if I were you, it’s a load of hassle and your maid of honour will be more than enough for a small wedding!

Beachbabe1 · 29/09/2021 12:47

Sounds like a massive headache!! Weddings are just a reason to stress about other people..who to invite, who gets what role, where will everyone sit, what do we feed them, how much to put behind the bar for people to drink, will people be upset if we did 'X,Y & Z?
Forgot about everyone else, concentrate on YOUR wedding, YOU TWO & want YOU BOTH want!

ikeepseeingit · 29/09/2021 12:47

He can also have 3 best women and his sisters as ushers in different floaty jumpsuit colours and style? Make sure you also get what you want out of your wedding day.

Onthegrid · 29/09/2021 12:48

Sounds a bit like BIL wedding to his ex, but in this case all the attendants were on her side as bridesmaids, flower girls and page boys.
It was a small venue with no space or a long aisle or anything so the just sort of arrived and the sat in the first few rows. At the meal they were spread out around different tables. I guess there we photo ops and she could say look how popular I am.!

I can’t quite remember the numbers as it was a while ago but I think
7 adult bridesmaids, friends, sisters and partners of ushers
2 teen bridesmaids, my DDs who weren’t bothered but did it to keep the peace
5 flower girls, DC of ushers and godchild
2 page boys
5 ushers

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 12:48

I think I will have no sisters at all, mine or his, if they ask, its a small wedding and we wouldn't like to be unfair.

I will choose one maid of honour from my friends and he can do what he likes on his side.

OP posts:
GloomAndDoom · 29/09/2021 12:49

If you want your sisters as bridesmaids you should have them though

Onthegrid · 29/09/2021 12:50

And just to add BILs siblings didn’t have roles at all

girlmom21 · 29/09/2021 12:51

Either bin the friends off or bin his sisters off. You don't have to have his sisters as your bridesmaids. That's not a 'tradition' even if he did actually care about tradition rather than just fobbing you off.

WouldBeGood · 29/09/2021 12:54

Surely the groom chooses his party, and the bride hers?

Notaroadrunner · 29/09/2021 12:56

@AndTime

We haven't asked anyone to have any role yet so its still able to change.
Thank the Lord. His idea of the wedding party sounds awful. Have your side as bridesmaids and let him have his sisters as his bridesmaids best women. Or just have one person each to be witnesses if it's a small wedding.
TaraR2020 · 29/09/2021 12:57

That's getting ridiculous.

Keep the bridesmaids you want, his sisters can be in his wedding party if he's that keen.

Also, traditionally it would be groomsmen not multiple best men. Just sayin'

He can then bump to of his best women to be ushers and all fair in love and... Grin

TaraR2020 · 29/09/2021 12:58

*two

Original poster
AndTime · 29/09/2021 13:08

He also seems to forget we have to clothe all these people plus if they are all female it's hair and make up all round too.

I feel a lot more relaxed getting rid of all the sisters. I only agreed to have his because he wanted to included them.... just not enough to have them as one of his groomsmaids! (new term for mutiple best women.)

OP posts:
abstractprojection · 29/09/2021 23:06

I’d ask the sisters what they’d prefer

Does it really matter if they are in dresses or jumpsuits or are bridesmaids or best women

abstractprojection · 29/09/2021 23:07

@AndTime

He also seems to forget we have to clothe all these people plus if they are all female it's hair and make up all round too.

I feel a lot more relaxed getting rid of all the sisters. I only agreed to have his because he wanted to included them.... just not enough to have them as one of his groomsmaids! (new term for mutiple best women.)

I think it’s perfectly fine to expect all attendants to do their own hair and makeup, and pay for it themselves if they want professional.

Outfits are different unless you let them wear something they already own