Man having his own house

[thequad]

My partner who is 50 has recently divorced. He has lost his home and is starting fresh.
He currently rents and it is reasonable.
He is moving jobs which will be near his Parents home. He will live there for the foreseeable future as rents are ridiculously high in their village.
He will continue to rent current home to have a base at weekends and holidays.
He has not decided for how long he will keep current home but I am concerned that when he stops renting current home , we will have no base to meet and spend time together on our own unless it's my home, where my child lives and stays on weekends we can be together.
We currently see each other eow for full weekend.
This is a great saving opportunity for him but I expect after divorce and being financially depleted , it may be years before he will get a mortgage. Is it fair if me to expect him to rent in his home village even if it rent is high or should he stay with his Parents indefinitely?

@thequad

I would really like for him to have a home of his own either bought or rented within a year or so, yes. Is that unreasonable ?

Yes. YABU.

Why does it matter? Doesn’t fit social norms?

@thequad

To Answer.. what is bothering me is that I am overwhelmed in my Own life as a single mother of four kids.The early teenager refuses to go to her Dad and skulks around the house expecteing me to entertain her or act as taxi at all hours of day and night. There is no privacy and she is moody and difficult generally. I would love that break or privacy at weekends. There iSnt any break at all because she refuses to be left alone whereas before we asa couple always alternated weekends and I had sleep and relaxation. I know I'm Being unreasonable deep Down. I'm just sad it's changing. Thanks .

He’s a saint to date someone with four children that aren’t his. (Not completely unheard of - my stepdad married my mum and she had 11).

Give him a break.

you see him EOWeekend, presumably when your child is elsewhere. So why can't he come to yours EOW when your child is away?

You don't share a home or finances so I don't think it's your business to tell him where he should live (for your convenience!) .

He keeps on his rented place to suit himself and his parents, so they all get a break from each other.

It's really none of your business. You don't live together and see each other fairly casually so you have zero say in how he spends his money or where he chooses to live.

@thequad

To Answer.. what is bothering me is that I am overwhelmed in my Own life as a single mother of four kids.The early teenager refuses to go to her Dad and skulks around the house expecteing me to entertain her or act as taxi at all hours of day and night. There is no privacy and she is moody and difficult generally. I would love that break or privacy at weekends. There iSnt any break at all because she refuses to be left alone whereas before we asa couple always alternated weekends and I had sleep and relaxation. I know I'm Being unreasonable deep Down. I'm just sad it's changing. Thanks .

None of this is his problem, nor is it his responsibility to provide you with an EOW crashpad.

You are being breathtakingly selfish.

WOW..

this has to be a wind up 🤣

@QueenBee52

WOW..

this has to be a wind up 🤣

Nah some people really are that self absorbed

Christ I hope the poor bloke runs a mile from you.

@LukeEvansWife

If you don't live together, then it is unreasonable for you to "expect" anything in terms of his living arrangements.

The OP made her concerns clear in her OP. If he stops renting and lives at his parent’s house permanently would he expect to spend more time at her house? I don’t think she is unreasonable at all to want to know.

Just to add (having read her latest post) There is also nothing wrong with the OP wanting spend time at her partner’s house rather than her own where there is no privacy. If it were a normal situation.

The BIG problem here is the OP’s desire to escape from her DC. This is really sad and this has nothing to do with her relationship at all.

So I presume right now he does one weekend a month at yours and you do one weekend a month at his? Like previous posters have said he can rent a hotel room/airbnb for one weekend a month it would be far cheaper.

Your chaotic home life is for you to sort out, it isn't his responsibility.

Like previous posters have said he can rent a hotel room/airbnb for one weekend a month it would be far cheaper.
Or they as a couple can rent a room and each pay half. No big deal.

Thanks for all your ideas.
There is no desire to'escape' from my
Children and I don't make any bones about wanting a break from being a single
Parent and full time working mum. I don't believe in glorifying the martyrdom of parenting that so many parents seem to enjoy. My children are and always will be my top priority and come first. Wanting alone time and a break is very normal , be that with friends, hobbies or a partner.
Thanks for all Your responses .

@thequad

Thanks for all your ideas. There is no desire to'escape' from my Children and I don't make any bones about wanting a break from being a single Parent and full time working mum. I don't believe in glorifying the martyrdom of parenting that so many parents seem to enjoy. My children are and always will be my top priority and come first. Wanting alone time and a break is very normal , be that with friends, hobbies or a partner. Thanks for all Your responses .

I was a single parent working full time.

I agree martyrdom doesn't help. However it's not martyrdom that people are suggesting. And him not providing you this house for one weekend a month, wouldn't turn you into a martyr.

Its not martyrdom to think it's not ok to expect someone to pay for a whole house every month wether they want to or not, so you can have the break you want.

You absolutely can have time alone with friends or your partner, no one suggested you couldn't. Go out with your partner, rent a hotel or an airbnb have weekend breaks. Or YOU pay for the house all month.

He has no obligation to provide you with somewhere you can have a break from your children. And as single parents time away from our kids, may not happen or may have to happen in a different way to our preferences.

As an adult, you want somewhere you can have a break from your children. So you organise it and split the costs. Don't expect to him to provide it.

And if you can't afford yo pay pay weekend breaks all the time, isn't that you not promising your relationship? According to your judgment of him

As an aside, I have noticed a trend where people are very selfish and they say 'it doesn't pay to be a martyr' as though the options are to be incredibly selfish or a martyr with nothing in between

Thanks@Nightbringer .
There was a comment on a previous post saying that the biggest problem here was my want / need to escape my children. This is what my post regarding my children was alluding to. I agree with your points. I am trying to navigate a new situation for us and appreciate all advice and comments.