Bridesmaid Dilemma!

[sh5278]

So.. any advice would be HUGELY appreciated.

I have chosen my bridesmaids/flower girls: my sister (Maid of Honour), my fiancé’s daughter and his nieces. Originally, I only wanted my sister and fiancé’s daughter. But, knowing his brother and brother’s partner, if I didn’t have their children as flower girls, then we would be bad mouthed to the rest of the family. So, we stretched the budget, and said that we would have them included too. Problem solved. But.. no.

My fiancé’s brother’s partner had pulled me aside, and told me she can’t wait to plan my hen, and wants to buy her own bridesmaid dress, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS THAT I HAVE ALREADY ANNOUNCED MY BRIDESMAIDS/FLOWER GIRLS. I laughed it off, but she has mentioned it AGAIN since then. We get along ok.. have had some arguments in the past, but I simply do not want her as a bridesmaid. My mum does not like her, and she’s overpowering. My fiancé claims she has a fear of missing out. I really don’t know how to approach this subject without being blunt. However, if I was blunt with her, she would make things VERY difficult.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I let her be a bridesmaid if she really wants to, and has said she will buy her own dress!?

Originally, I only wanted my sister and fiancé’s daughter. But, knowing his brother and brother’s partner, if I didn’t have their children as flower girls, then we would be bad mouthed to the rest of the family. So, we stretched the budget, and said that we would have them included too. Problem solved

Your problem is absolutely not solved.
So what if they bad mouth you to the rest of the family.

You have shown them that you will give in to any of their ridiculous demands to "keep the peace"

No doubt you will be back to say "oh but I am a people pleaser" and will continue saying this on your manyfuture threads about Christmas, holidays, birthdays etc etc.

It's your wedding day (and your DP's of course).
Why are you letting these ridiculous people dictate what you do.
They are making you spend money that you hadn't budgeted for.
You are a fullly grown adult.
Start as you mean to go on.

Your mum wants to throw you three hen parties? I'm sure that comes from a good place, but even just two would be completely OTT! OP, you need to assert yourself more. It sounds as though you're surrounded by people who want to take over your wedding.

@Radziwill sorry, I didn’t word it correctly, it’s Future DH’s SIL that wants to throw 3 hen parties!

Oh sorry, I misread!

Don't give in to her bullying. Come on. You are clearly an adult. Act like one. Be one. If she chooses to have a strop because she can't get her own way, order you about, then she is the one causing the issue. Do not give in. She'll only get worse and wh

When you have a baby...

Just let her, it'll make her happy, why not?

It is nicer to make someone happy than get your own way.

it’s Future DH’s SIL that wants to throw 3 hen parties!

You know that you don't actually have to go to them don't you?

Let them get on with it and just carry on doing things the way you want to.

Does future DH have an opinion on their behaviour?

If not, this is going to get worse and not better.

BIL (to be) was DH's best man. Their two daughters were flower girls, and their son was page boy. BIL's partner asked me if she could be a bridesmaid too, because her kids & partner were, and she'd feel excluded if she wasn't, and they would look odd as a family if the dad & 3 kids were in the bridal party, it would look like she wasn't part of the family etc.

I can't get my head around this sort of thing. What's the point of asking to be a bridesmaid? The whole idea is that the bride chooses them.

And how insecure would you have to be to worry that you won't look like part of the family if you're not in the bridal party? My instinct is that she had a chip on her shoulder about having three kids and still not being married.

Just say no! You shouldn’t have bowed down to demands to make the nieces flower girls, especially with a 2 year old and an unruly 7 year old but it’s too late to back out of that now! But this SIL is being super dominant and controlling, you need to make it very clear that you have chosen your bridesmaids and she isn’t one of them. Also she should NOT be arranging your hen do!!! Please don’t forget this is your day!!!

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It is nicer to make someone happy than get your own way.

So the OP should make herself UNhappy on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of her life for the sake of someone else?

This isn’t like going to Pizza Express because your mate likes it when you’d actually prefer go to Bella Italia. It’s her wedding day! Does the OP really have to sacrifice what she wants ‘Because it would be niiiice!’?

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It is nicer to make someone happy than get your own way.

Doesn't that apply just as much to the brother's partner?

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It is nicer to make someone happy than get your own way.

and ignore stupid selfish suggestions like this 🙄

She sounds like the sort of person who will kick up a fuss for every single little thing she wants her way with if you give in now.
I would sit her down alone, woman to woman and explain this is the way you want it and the way you're happy with. Offering to buy a dress and be a bridesmaid is a bit cheeky in my book!

Say no. This is YOUR wedding and if I was in your shoes I wouldn't be changing my decisions because someone else wants the attention

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

It is nicer to make someone happy than get your own way.

Not always.

I certainly wouldn't want someone essentially taking over my wedding and hen do just to make them happy.

This is one of a very few number of days in a person's life where they shouldn't be expected to put up with other people's demands.

@HomeSliceKnowsBest are you the wannabe bridesmaid? 😃

@WouldBeGood I'd rather drink a cup of cold sick than have an active part in a wedding .

@HomeSliceKnowsBest 🤣🤣 me too

@WouldBeGood And don't even mention hen dos...

Oh god.
Just tell her you're having one adult MOH as you have always wanted and then flower girls and that your sister is planning the hen but thanks.
She sounds like a nightmare!

@erictries

Just be consistent. If she says "I can wait to plan your hen" reply "my sister is planning it" If she says "I'll buy my own dress" just reply with "that won't be necessary. We are all sorted thanks". Don't invite her to bridesmaid dress fitting. Just go with your sister. Yes you'll need to involve her with the flower girls, but I'd keep it low key and buy off the rack if you can, therefore not making a big day of it, that she would hijack. If she says " can I be your bridesmaid?" Just answer, "I asked my sister" Don't engage and play it down around her every time it's brought up

erictries

I don't know what happened there. My apologies.

I think a PP had it- tell her that all the MOH duties are being covered by your sister, but you would appreciate her help as flower girl supervisor.