To have accepted the offer of a lift from a (very) senior colleague

[bluecardrive]

Next week there is a big conference for my job, it's the first in-person one I will have been to. Around 10 of us are going and it's in a town around 2h from me.

I live in the same town as a very senior colleague of mine (she is my manager's manager's manager). I am very low down on the hierarchy, pretty much at the bottom... She offered to drive us both there and I accepted as it will be really helpful, I was a little worried about how to get to the conference via public transport as I don't drive and it's a bit of pain to get to. It also eased my nerves to know I won't be turning up alone and getting lost(!)

However, I'm now starting to worry I've made some kind of faux pas and I should not have accepted the offer and it was done as some kind of abstract kind gesture rather than an actual invitation. I have never met this colleague in person, only remotely and very briefly via Zoom. I'm worried about struggling to make conversation during the drive, how to broach the awkward topic of offering money for fuel, etc.

I am wondering whether I should email and say thank you for the offer but I have now managed to sort out transportation so I no longer need a lift? Or whether to just brazen it out?

@Blossomtoes

Accept the lift and don’t insult her by offering money.

It would be good manners to offer.

Starburst btw, my car journey sweet of choice!

It would be good manners to offer.

It would be gauche and insulting.

I always remember a trip to Belgium with one of the chaps that owned the large company I worked for. We were all professional for about an hour and then I zoned out for a while because cars send me to sleep unless I'm driving. I was half asleep and he said "Rick, Rick! You're so quiet. Are you okay?" I said without thinking "yeah, im just trying to decide what to wear at the weekend" truth so he asked where I was going etc. and we talked about that and where he likes to go and his favourite kind of clothes. We really bonded!

As long as you are snappy and professional during the actual work assignment I think downtime with execs can be really positive.

You’re massively over thinking this. 2 hours of chit chat will fly by on the way there and on the way back you can talk about the conference and work stuff generally. Take some sweets for the awkward moments! You’ll be fine.

@VitalsStable

I'd offer petrol money but have a small box of chocolate in your handbag as she'l no doubt say no to the money. It's just common courtesy, as you'd do with anyone else.

As for small all she'll be used to it,just be
Polite and professional.

Please don't do that.

I can only assume all the people suggesting you offer money or gifts are not used to travelling for work. If you are travelling for work (rather than commuting to work), the company pays. Offering money/giving a gift/sending a card just looks unprofessional and a bit clueless.

Bringing along a bag of sweets or buying a coffee on the way is absolutely fine. Telling her you appreciate the lift when you get into the car is polite, as is thanking her when you arrive.

If she didn’t want to take you she wouldn’t have offered you a lift, it’s fine and doesn’t matter where she is in the organisational structure.

You are overthinking it. Some of the people at the top never forget their grass roots.

Another one saying please don’t offer her petrol money, give her a gift or a thank you note. It really would seem strange in this work environment

Yes to bags of sweets but none of the ones that need unwrapping or you’ll end up having to unwrap them yourself and pass them to her if she’s driving

Sit back and enjoy your lie in, because of the lift.

Try not to worry! You sound like a kind person and so does she. they want you there. What's the worst case scenario going through your head? I'm thinking worst case, you're nervous and don't talk or talk too much, and best case you realise she's human too!
She might be just as nervous as you! Try and think of neutral topics, so you have a pet, a kid, watch anything good on netflix, like cooking, like gardening? Or just be quiet and let her drive and know you have mumsnet behind you lol

OP if all the conflicting opinions about offering money for fuel have confused you, go on to your company intranet and look for the Expenses Claims Policy. Or it might be called Work Travel Policy or Mileage policy or variations. If that states you can claim travel mileage/expenses for work events (and it should, very unusual not to) then you know you don't need to worry about offering to pay for petrol.

Don't take a gift but as pp's suggest take some sweets or a nice cold drink each.

Honestly, don;t worry, she'll be expecting to put you at ease. Don't feel you need to natter on or be entertaining the whole way, just be yourself.

Hint - if she has a Linked in profile or biography on the company website read that so you know a bit about her background. And if you are struggling for a conversation starter ask her some simple questions about herself "so is the company really different from when you first joined" if they have been there 20 years or "so what made you come to work here" if they are newer

She offered, you accepted. Nothing to worry about. She sounds like a great manager and one that it would be good for you to get to know better. Think of it as an opportunity to get to know her and honestly, just relax!

I'm not quite that senior but would certainly offer to drive our junior staff (4 grades below me) to an event if we lived in the same area (and in fact will do when we get the details of our team event for Q1 next year sorted!). I would be doing it to because it's a nice thing to do and because I can - nothing more to it than that!

People going to a conference are expected to car share if they don't want to use public transport. A good manager will want to get to know junior staff. Be covid-courteous (offer to wear a mask in the car), offer to read the directions, be polite and friendly, ask for advice about how to get the most out of the conference, generally be on your best behaviour, but it's a professional team trip, not a personal favour, or a mates road trip.

Personally I'd stick to non work related questions for most of the journey unless she steers the conversation that way. You both live in the same town so that should prompt some avenues of discussion such as favourite restaurants etc.

I would offer petrol money or ask her if she's able to claim it back - I'd far rather do that than not offer.

Take the lift it could be a great opportunity to get used to speaking to senior managers - I doubt she will accept petrol money and could probably claim fuel anyway. It could be nice to bring some nice snacks for the journey.

For gods sake offer the petrol money. As someone who has given lifts I find it rather rude when people haven’t offered. I don’t accept it ever. Just comes across as entitled if you don’t. It’s a manners thing.

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

For gods sake offer the petrol money. As someone who has given lifts I find it rather rude when people haven’t offered. I don’t accept it ever. Just comes across as entitled if you don’t. It’s a manners thing.

You find it rude of a colleague not to offer money, despite the fact you are claiming mileage for a work trip? Or are you talking about non-work situations or commuting?

Please do not offer petrol money or bring a gift 🤦🏻‍♀️ It makes you look clueless to the corporate environment. A very senior manager will absolutely claim petrol and everything to do with the conference on their expense account. No way she will pay for it herself. You are attending the conference too, why would you pay for petrol yourself? Your company would expect to cover your travel expenses.

It's fine, but definitely don't offer her money for fuel - she'll be claiming it on expenses.

I’ve had some really helpful chats with senior managers when having lifts before! Don’t overthink it. She’s just a person who’s offered you a lift.

@AdriannaP

Please do not offer petrol money or bring a gift 🤦🏻‍♀️ It makes you look clueless to the corporate environment. A very senior manager will absolutely claim petrol and everything to do with the conference on their expense account. No way she will pay for it herself. You are attending the conference too, why would you pay for petrol yourself? Your company would expect to cover your travel expenses.

Agree with this. Offering money or a gift would be very gauche in this scenario.

Many companies will even pay extra expenses for passengers carried, so she won't be out of pocket in the slightest.

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

For gods sake offer the petrol money. As someone who has given lifts I find it rather rude when people haven’t offered. I don’t accept it ever. Just comes across as entitled if you don’t. It’s a manners thing.

You cannot possibly be talking about a work context here.

Giving a mate a lift who doesn't offer - they are rude.
Giving a colleague a lift to a work event - 100% normal practice not to offer to pay.

'Or whether to just brazen it out?'

Not really sure what you mean by 'brazen it out'. You are way over thinking it. She offered you a lift, she will either have a company car or be claiming mileage if using her own car. There is no need to offer money. Just be pleasant as I am sure you already are. Take your cue from her in terms of chat, she might chat a bit or she might prefer relative silence.

Sit back and enjoy the journey, and obviously thank her for getting you there and back.

Goodness me, the terribly senior colleague is in fact an actual breathing human.

I'd be much more taken with the junior colleague who brought sweeties for the journey and offered petrol money, than one who didn't mention the petrol, brought no snacks and asked carefully crafted questions based on my Linked in profile.