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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have accepted the offer of a lift from a (very) senior colleague

112 replies

bluecardrive · 27/09/2021 18:23

Next week there is a big conference for my job, it's the first in-person one I will have been to. Around 10 of us are going and it's in a town around 2h from me.

I live in the same town as a very senior colleague of mine (she is my manager's manager's manager). I am very low down on the hierarchy, pretty much at the bottom... She offered to drive us both there and I accepted as it will be really helpful, I was a little worried about how to get to the conference via public transport as I don't drive and it's a bit of pain to get to. It also eased my nerves to know I won't be turning up alone and getting lost(!)

However, I'm now starting to worry I've made some kind of faux pas and I should not have accepted the offer and it was done as some kind of abstract kind gesture rather than an actual invitation. I have never met this colleague in person, only remotely and very briefly via Zoom. I'm worried about struggling to make conversation during the drive, how to broach the awkward topic of offering money for fuel, etc.

I am wondering whether I should email and say thank you for the offer but I have now managed to sort out transportation so I no longer need a lift? Or whether to just brazen it out?

OP posts:

Antinerak · 27/09/2021 19:40

She wouldn't offer if she didn't want to drive you. Maybe offer to reimburse her for fuel before the trip ("Hi X, thank you for your kind offer to drive me to Z, let me know how much I owe you for fuel.") , if she declines money/says the company pays, buy her a tea/coffee for the journey. It's a great opportunity to speak to her, it's good to be 'in' with someone higher up, even if it's just on friendly terms.

Keep the radio on, talk about the weather, ask if she's been to where you're going before, ask how long she's been with the company etc. She'll likely be easy to talk to due to her role, and she won't mind if you're quiet.

icedcoffees · 27/09/2021 19:41

I totally get why you're panicking. I once got offered a lift by our area manager - four hours in the car each way!

Luckily his plans changed and, fortunately, I had to get the train instead

Shirleyphallus · 27/09/2021 19:42

Jesus do not send a thank you card afterwards!!!

Caterinasballerinas · 27/09/2021 19:42

I think you can take a lift, there will be something you can talk about even if it is just the boring, what’s on the radio, what does she know about the format of the work thing you are going to. If you are worried about the petrol situation you could say, ‘normally if I travel with friends I’d split the petrol but I’m assuming this one is on expenses but as a gesture to show I’m grateful for the lift cake with the coffees if we stop are on me.’ (Assuming coffees could also likely be claimed on expenses too!)

Nanananani · 27/09/2021 19:42

How abstract was the offer?

Do not offer money, she will be expensing it.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/09/2021 19:43

This is an excellent way of networking, enjoy. No need to ask about petrol, she will get mileage and its usually a little higher when you take a colleague.

muddyford · 27/09/2021 19:46

You can always help push the car when it runs out of petrol...

waybill · 27/09/2021 19:50

It's absolutely fine. She will be recovering the cost of travel through expenses, and by giving you a lift, also saving the company money by not having to pay your expenses to get there.

Common business practice.

minimecantrollerskate · 27/09/2021 19:50

hah, you sound like me, I hesitate to accept offers because I think they don't really mean it, they are just being polite, while everyone else shouts Hell Yeah and then I miss out . It is a lack of confidence and self worth that does it..... so be brave, accept that she wouldn't have offered if she didn't want to.

You can ask her about the conference, has she been to several, what are they like, blah blah blah and then the conversation will move on from there hopefully. Show interest in her job role, she might ask about yours and so on.

Don't witter on incessantly, listen and talk .

thepastisanothercountry · 27/09/2021 19:51

Just take the lift, she's just another human being.

Its good for senior managers to know the junior people in their organisation and vice versa.

True story - my mum used to know someone who eventually became a supreme court judge. Over time as she rose through the ranks she used to sit at various different courts and would make it her business to make sure she invited random people for tea in her chambers and that included cleaners, security guards and even my mother who was working in the courts at the time! Good managers etc. like to know their staff / juniors

vampofsavannahGA · 27/09/2021 19:53

Careful, OP, 8 years ago I accepted a lift with the head of the organisation I was a (very lowly) volunteer at. Fast-forward a few years and we're now married with DC 😂

Spindrifting · 27/09/2021 19:56

It’s a brilliant opportunity to come across as thoughtful, professional, articulate etc.

RosiePosieDozy · 27/09/2021 19:57

She's your colleague and she's being nice by giving you a lift. Nothing more. Don't overthink it. Don't plan conversation. Just accept the lift and get to know her during the journey like you would any other colleague.

Don't take her a gift like I think a pp has suggested. That would be strange. Maybe take some sweets to share for the journey if you want. I would check company policy re the fuel and if you know she won't get it reimbursed, offer some money.

AdriannaP · 27/09/2021 19:59

Of course take her up on the offer. Don’t offer money for petrol, she will put it on expenses and will be even better for her that you joined. Keep to light small talk, don’t bad mouth anyone or anything work related!

ChimChimeny · 27/09/2021 20:00

@Lawnpop

Wouldn’t she be claiming travel expenses? Where I work if there’s more than one of us going somewhere then it’s expected that we car share so we are as efficient as possible and only one travel claim

Same here.

Use it as an opportunity to chat and 'raise your profile ' (bleurgh!)

FatAnneTheDealer · 27/09/2021 20:01

Take the lift, of course! I don’t agree with others that you shouldn’t offer petrol money. Just offer briefly at the start or the end. “Thank you so much for driving me! How much do I owe you for petrol?” Or “Thank you for driving me! Can I give you something for petrol?”. She will say, “No”, of course, because it will be on expenses, but you won’t look presumptuous for just assuming.

If you have a pleasant journey with her, then a quick thank you email when you get home would be really polite and a way of reminding her who you are and what nice manners you have. It might come in useful one day!

Is she giving you a lift home as well?

UnsuitableHat · 27/09/2021 20:02

Seeing it as a possible faux pas is overthinking, I'd say - you're entitled to take an offer at face value and accept. The en route chit chat may not be as bad as you think. As regards the petrol money, maybe try and work out a rough amount to offer and have that ready.

Itwasgoodwhileitlasted · 27/09/2021 20:04

Plan a few topics to talk about on your route, once you get chatting the rest will come naturally.

Maybe offer to buy her a coffee when you get there as a thank you

Tulipomania · 27/09/2021 20:04

Do not offer to pay for petrol.

Do not send a card afterwards.

Do make polite conversation on the journey, let her steer the direction.

Anotherbrokenairer · 27/09/2021 20:04

Offer a contribution to the petrol, put your game face on and show her your best side. Nothing wrong with becoming familiar with the people in power, you never know when it could work in your favour. Obviously don't be fake.....

TheGirlInTheGreenDress · 27/09/2021 20:13

I’d be the same as you and worry about what I was going to talk about. I’d probably think about a list of topics in advance and make sure I asked them a lot of questions about themselves. Things like how long they’ve lived in that area, how long they’ve been at company, where they worked before, pets, children, travels, what they are looking forward to at the conference, (then what they thought of x topic that was discussed on the way back), things like that.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/09/2021 20:14

" I don’t agree with others that you shouldn’t offer petrol money. "

The manager is going to a conference as part of her job. She'll be reimbursed for the petrol and might even get more for having a passenger. If OP pays for half of it, she won't be able to claim that back.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 27/09/2021 20:15

Offering petrol money to a senior work colleague when going to a work event is weird, don't do that

stripetop · 27/09/2021 20:17

I used to do this. I was the senior.

I like company.
It's absolutely nuts for me to drive and leave others to find their own way.
I want to know my staff.

VitalsStable · 27/09/2021 20:19

I'd offer petrol money but have a small box of chocolate in your handbag as she'l no doubt say no to the money. It's just common courtesy, as you'd do with anyone else.

As for small all she'll be used to it,just be
Polite and professional.

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