To have accepted the offer of a lift from a (very) senior colleague

[bluecardrive]

Next week there is a big conference for my job, it's the first in-person one I will have been to. Around 10 of us are going and it's in a town around 2h from me.

I live in the same town as a very senior colleague of mine (she is my manager's manager's manager). I am very low down on the hierarchy, pretty much at the bottom... She offered to drive us both there and I accepted as it will be really helpful, I was a little worried about how to get to the conference via public transport as I don't drive and it's a bit of pain to get to. It also eased my nerves to know I won't be turning up alone and getting lost(!)

However, I'm now starting to worry I've made some kind of faux pas and I should not have accepted the offer and it was done as some kind of abstract kind gesture rather than an actual invitation. I have never met this colleague in person, only remotely and very briefly via Zoom. I'm worried about struggling to make conversation during the drive, how to broach the awkward topic of offering money for fuel, etc.

I am wondering whether I should email and say thank you for the offer but I have now managed to sort out transportation so I no longer need a lift? Or whether to just brazen it out?

Oops don’t of course

You've done nothing wrong. She's above you in your job roles, that doesn't mean you're beneath her as a person. You'll be fine.

She’ll be claiming mileage so don’t offer petrol money. Thank her for the assist. Be polite.

She wouldn't have offered if it wasn't meant, especially as you haven't met in person, it could've easily gone under the radar if she didn't want to. Don't worry about fuel, she'll be claiming it back. She'll probably be used to making small talk given her position. Radio is good. Talk about the event you're going to maybe? The mistake I've made in the past in similar situations is saying/talking about things that I wouldn't have if I were in the office with them. My professional boundary slipped slightly and I look back now and think God I shouldn't have said that! Nothing horrendous and inappropriate but now I just think would I talk about this in the office or in the kitchen at work etc before I open my mouth!

It's a nice gesture from her. It will be a nice opportunity for you both to get to know each other. Be yourself!

I wouldn't offer petrol money as it will be expensed, but maybe buy her a small bunch of flowers or chocs as a token thank you for the offer (after all she could have said nothing and simply enjoyed driving by herself).

Nothing to overthink here.... most companies encourage car sharing to these kinds of things to save a little on transport costs. If you live close by, it makes complete sense to go together.

If you really do want to overthink, it may be that it has been noticed that it's your first time attending and you might feel more comfortable arriving with someone. Or not. Either way, it's either just a sensible, or in fact a kind gesture, and there's no reason not to accept.

In a similar situation, I've found it really useful earlier on in my career to have a bit of chit chat with a more senior colleague. It gives you a broader perspective on the company or the event and could be helpful in your general learning/development.

Don’t offer money. Say thank you very much and leave it at that.

It would be normal everywhere I have worked to share lifts, with the most senior person driving. Don't worry OP!

There’ll be plenty to talk about don’t worry. Like a previous poster said, the fuel crisis could be a good opener. Then maybe other current affairs, the weather, the traffic, tv. I found myself chatting to my senior manager about Love Island of all things! Goodness knows how we got onto that!

I’m quite senior at work and have given lifts to people a few levels down in the hierarchy in similar situations to this. Like everyone has said, it’s a total non-issue and I’d be chatting about anything and everything except work! Definitely don’t cancel OP - there’s nothing to feel awkward about.

@Lawnpop

Wouldn’t she be claiming travel expenses? Where I work if there’s more than one of us going somewhere then it’s expected that we car share so we are as efficient as possible and only one travel claim

Exactly this. Your work might be annoyed with you handing in a claim for a train ticket when you were offered a lift.

As a senior manager, I wouldn't offer unless I meant it. And I would see the onus on me as the senior person to ensure that you felt at ease.

Just take the lift. Senior managers are nothing special, just ordinary human beings like you, with the same worries and insecurities as anyone else. Don't overthink it.

Don't offer money. Say thanks for doing the driving. If you are stopping at a petrol station, maybe offer to get coffees. No need for chocolates or flowers.

She’s probably just a nice person. Stop thinking of her as ‘senior manager’ and start thinking of her as a nice person who lives near you and who likes to help out other people.

It’s actually a great opportunity to network. Re petrol money, when yoh arrive just say “Can I offer you anything for petrol?” She’ll almost certainly say no it’s fine. Then you just say thanks I appreciate it.

That’s it.

She sounds lovely, she wont have offered out of obligation, she's offered as she is happy to take you and she might be happy to have some company on the drive too.

Don't overthink things but maybe have a few topics of conversation/safe opinions if she happens to talk anything about work. That's unlikely though she'll probably lead the conversation and you'll get from that how personal she wants to get. Stay away from politics and religion and you'll be fine :)

A very senior colleague would not have asked if she wasn't prepared to do it. She may well like having some exposure to people all over the company from time to time as a good way to keep an ear on the pulse. Good leaders don't want everything filtered to them through layers of management. (Don't think this means she wants to hear you moaning about every tiny thing you don't like about your job, though!).

It's also possible that she likes to encourage women lower down the organization and, if it's that kind of professional job, possibly even a provide form of informal mentorship should you both hit it off.

This is an opportunity to understand the organization better and to extend your network within it. Take advantage. Be pleasant, be ready on time, take your cue on talking or not from her. Offer mints (or wine gums!). If you are supposed to be able to claim travel expenses to get their then I wouldn't bother offering petrol money, though you could check with her that your understanding of the expenses is right. If you aren't reimbursed expenses then offer petrol money. These are all little ins to starting conversation anyway.

Totally agree with @cooliebrown - the best managers are like this. The worst ones are the ones who wouldn't want to deal with lowly serfs (in their warped minds) the best ones get to know staff at all levels and muck in despite seniority.

@cooliebrown

I have found most senior managers to be very good at making conversation, to be honest, and I think good managers, however senior, find it worthwhile knowing something about their people, however junior - beyond what they see at work - so don't pull out of the lift, sit back and enjoy the ride.

And, if they would have paid your expenses if you went by public transport then you can be pretty sure they'll be paying for manager's fuel. Make the offer, but don't worry about having anything in your purse, iyswim....

Agreed. Op, she was nice to offer. There is nothing to worry about, don't force any conversation and take the opportunity to ask questions or career advice if you need. Enjoy the conference!

I’m a middle manager, not senior mgmt, but If we are doing a conference or away day I would try and be aware of anyone in my team who couldn’t drive particularly the more junior team members and as a management group we’d try and offer lifts to further away locations where possible. Do accept the lift. Most companies would pay travel expenses but it’s fine to offer her petrol money - I think she’s unlikely to accept though.

If I offer someone from work a lift I really mean it, and if I don’t want to drive someone (for whatever reason from them being an idiot to having to get back quickly) then I don’t offer. Simple as that.

I disagree. Yes take the lift. Offer to cover half the petrol costs -that is MANNERS. Offer once and if she refuses -be gracious and when you return or whatever- send her an email thanking her for her kindness.

Just bring a selection of snacks and drinks for the journey - mints go down well!

Have a red up in local news and make a few conversation starters to help pass the time!

She'll be good at making conversation OP. I wouldn't worry about that.

When I was new to my job (a grad) someone very senior, a VP, bumped into me in a cafe at lunch. She only knew we worked together because of my badge, and sat with me for lunch. There were no awkward silences as she was used to leading conversations. It was a really great opportunity to network.

You are overthinking it. long car journeys are boring. She just wants a bit of company. Senior managers are just people like any other, relax.

Buying flowers, chocolates or write thank you notes, is I think a bit OTT. She’ll likely have a company car and reclaim petrol mileage so you will be more out of pocket than her! I’d be more inclined to do a lateral flow test to confirm don’t have COVID!

Don’t change your plans, accept the lift, make eye contact and say thank you, that was a real help. You can of course bring a packet of wine gums or Percy Pigs for the journey! As someone said, offer a coffee at a service station but she will probably be obliged to pay (under Expenses Policy) so one offer only. As you get more senior you also generally claim more expenses and are braver about doing so (I don’t know why though as everyone is entitled to them).

When I was a junior I used to get given lifts and is a good way to get to know people.

Office etiquette is a minefield!