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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of not being able to make any sort of mess?

106 replies

Veggieseverywhere · 27/09/2021 17:38

We both work full time with young kids so DP decided on a cleaner. Fine, except he is now obsessed with the fact no one can make a mess so that the cleaner can clean.

I am getting a bit sick of bowls and plates being whisked off me two seconds after I’ve finished eating, kids toys being doomed to obscurity seconds after they’ve finished playing and even ordinary household items being constantly put away.

It’s really stressing me out. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Veggieseverywhere · 27/09/2021 18:58

I think some people aren’t realising this isn’t just a tidy husband, it’s meaning a normal sort of existence is difficult.

I’m a teacher and I marked a pile of kids exercise books yesterday. Got halfway through the pile with the intent of coming back to them, but they’d gone - put in my car. I hadn’t finished!

Same with cups of tea and so on.

And I’m sorry but I do think following someone into the toilet is just weird,if you’re over the age of five!

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 27/09/2021 19:00

Can you put some of his stuff away as soon as he has put it down somewhere. Pester him when he is doing something else and see how he likes it

Aprilx · 27/09/2021 19:10

I would be over the moon if DH started clearing things away and generally being tidy. Mine is another that leaves dishes on the counter right above the dishwasher, when it is unloaded and ready to go.

Original poster
Veggieseverywhere · 27/09/2021 19:12

So does mine. It’s always me who loads and unloads the dishwasher, always has been.

But I would like to swallow my last mouthful before having my plate taken away.

OP posts:
Bumpsadaisie · 27/09/2021 19:18

This is my dream DH Grin

blushnoir · 27/09/2021 19:26

@Veggieseverywhere

So does mine. It’s always me who loads and unloads the dishwasher, always has been.

But I would like to swallow my last mouthful before having my plate taken away.

My husband is exactly like this but the funny thing is he expects me! I'll be on my last bite, and he be saying "don't you think you should take these plates to the sink now and don't leave them" Hmm while I'm tending to a toddler and newborn.

Wow seeing that wrote down made me realise what a twat of a husband I have

gospelsinger · 27/09/2021 22:22

YANBU OP. This is annoying behaviour. The marking being put in the car aaaagh!

GreatPotato · 27/09/2021 22:27

Gosh toys and pots are put away when they're finished with and everything's put back where it's supposed to be? That must be awful.

EmeraldShamrock · 27/09/2021 22:31

He needs to calm down around toys they're easily gathered up and dumped in the toy box.
If he wants to put dishes in the washer tell him to do it quietly when people are finished.

Open a box of cereal chuck it on the floor, be a rebel. 💪

Toddlerteaplease · 27/09/2021 22:33

Sounds exactly like my mum! The washing up is done before we've finished eating!

TimeForTeaAndG · 27/09/2021 22:35

I think some people are being willfully obtuse. It's not him tidying, it's him not checking that OP is finished with things and asking her to tidy when she's clearly in the bathroom, that's not tidying that's fucking annoying. Especially if he's usually the one to dump stuff wherever.

Tell him he is being a twat and to pack it in. And don't take any sulking and huffing about only trying to keep the place tidy.

Innovationstandard · 27/09/2021 22:35

Sounds like a nightmare, yes great to do it but not whisking stuff away whilst you're still using it.

parietal · 27/09/2021 22:39

that would infuriate me. I hate people moving my things around when I expect them to be in the place I left them.

luckily my DH is even messier than me, and we manage just fine in a messy & liveable house.

NewlyGranny · 27/09/2021 22:47

Make some "Police Aware" signs with post-its, and put them on things in progress you don't want touched, or some "crime scene" tape.

Anyone appearing in the loo when you're occupying it needs to be yelled at, as in "Out! What do you think you're doing!!!"

As for the rest, I hope he'll calm down a bit when the novelty wears off. 🤞 Or perhaps you could stage a series of deliberate messes to keep him distracted.

Embroidery · 27/09/2021 22:57

I would hate this and feel very stifled.

The more I hear about men the less I want one. I really couldnt bear it.

PhoboPhobia · 27/09/2021 23:06

I think everyone saying they would love this is being a bit obtuse.

It’s obvious from the OP that he is being over the top. Following her to the loo with her lanyard? Bonkers. Yes it’s nice to tidy as you go but it’s also nice to chill and not run round like a loon whipping things out from under people’s noses every time they stop what they’re doing.

Honestly, I’m not a slob but is it not exhausting being so uptight about putting things away the second they’re finished with?

slightlysnippy · 27/09/2021 23:15

I can see why your getting annoyed.

Do you think since this isn't his normal level of cleaning most likely his over enthusiasm will wear off soon?

EatYourVegetables · 27/09/2021 23:22

YABVU, and messy by the sound of it. Please thank your partner, apologise for the mess and help clean up.

HeddaGarbled · 27/09/2021 23:26

How long have you had the cleaner for? With any luck this will just be a temporary obsession and he’ll relax soon.

melj1213 · 27/09/2021 23:28

So many willfully obtuse posters in this thread.

There is a difference between "a tidy husband" and a husband that is hovering over you 24/7 to tidy something the literal second that it is put down. One is the dream and the other is an overbearing nightmare.

I am a tidy person, my flat is super organised and I hate mess ... I have still yet to whisk a plate away from DD the second the last forkful of dinner is removed from it, and she is allowed to play with her toys without me hovering to put stuff away the second she stops playing with each item.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/09/2021 23:32

This would drive me absolutely mad. I can’t stand having to wash up the monitor I’ve finished a meal - it makes it feel like eating was just one more chore to get out of the way, and now that’s done it’s on to the next job… just keep ploughing through… where’s the enjoyment?

All these ‘This sounds like an absolute dream!’ posts are so over the top. OP’s husband isn’t tidy; he’s obsessive.

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/09/2021 23:33

The monitor?! The minute Grin

Snowdropsandbluebells · 27/09/2021 23:42

I love a tidy and clean clutter free home but I would actually scream if someone controlled and followed me around to the toilet or put books I was marking away. Its so weird. Totally horrible.

toomuchlaundry · 28/09/2021 00:07

@EatYourVegetables which bit of the OP’s posts gives you the impression that she is messy. The bit where she still has the bowl out when eating from it? Should she put it in the dishwasher and eat from there! When she has a pile of books out that she is working from. Should she just sit in the car and mark them so not making any mess in the house. Is she messy because she doesn’t tidy up whilst sitting on the toilet?

SandAndSea · 28/09/2021 01:43

It sounds over the top but could just be a phase. We've had a few here over the years. Wait for a cool moment, have a chat and see if you can come to some kind of agreement about it all.