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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What does this message mean?

53 replies

Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 20:01

Long term partner, 3 year old daughter and currently heavily pregnant with our baby.

Partner works full tome. He messaged me asking “shall I take on extra shifts, to get us more money as we might need it and work girl has texted me asking if I can do X and Y days” I thought that’s not like him to suggest that, but that’s thoughtful. However I replied no, can’t do that sadly as I’m already working and no childcare for our daughter in place so you won’t be able to work. (This has already been preplanned)

So now, I’ve seen the messages between work girl and him, and she doesn’t ask at all. He asks her “what days do you need help?” Out of the blue. Bare in mind he moans every single time they ask him to do overtime because he says they’re incompetent and should know how many staff they need blah blah, I like spending time with our daughter anyway so it’s nice to be home. So that’s why I thought his message was strange as he usually isn’t up for overtime. Am I overthinking this?

In that same conversation, she helps him out with something else workwise and he says to her “I’ll buy you a glass of wine sometime” this is crossing a bit of a boundary, isn’t it? Or am I being uptight?

OP posts:
Mymapuddlington · 26/09/2021 20:03

I wouldn’t like that, if they help each other at work that’s one thing but taking her out for a glass of wine is weird in my opinion.
Have you spoken to him and asked why he lied about her asking him to work?

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2021 20:03

Um you’re being a bit weird, she likely said to him she needs him to do overtime, and he’s texted and said when do you need help

And I’ll buy you a glass of wine sometime is fine, it’s hardly fancy a shag?

Do you suffer sever jealousy or insecurity issues? And why do you call her a girl? Is she his boss?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/09/2021 20:06

Unless there's more to this eg he has form then I would assume they spoke at work about shifts and his text was in fact just following up on that and that the wine sometime was just thanks.
I don't see I'll buy you a glass of wine sometimes any different to let's have a coffee sometime or we must get together sometime. Vague stuff that's just a gesture really.

Original poster
Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 20:09

@Bluntness100

Um you’re being a bit weird, she likely said to him she needs him to do overtime, and he’s texted and said when do you need help

And I’ll buy you a glass of wine sometime is fine, it’s hardly fancy a shag?

Do you suffer sever jealousy or insecurity issues? And why do you call her a girl? Is she his boss?

Yeah it’s not outwardly “let’s shag” i feel like it’s a bit more of an undercover code for “let’s shag” 😂
OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 20:11

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves sorry yeah I should have mentioned, sadly he does have form for this in the distant past. Whilst not physical, things have been messaged (to someone else) that were inappropriate for someone who was taken

OP posts:
Footprintsonthemoon1 · 26/09/2021 20:14

Yabu. Seems like *work woman (not girl) mentioned she needed help while at work and hes texting her to check when. Why are you checking his phone?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 26/09/2021 20:16

Ah. Well then it's understandable this is making you uncomfortable.

RealBecca · 26/09/2021 20:21

Hes clearly telling you what he thinks you want to hear and imo looking for ways to spend time.with her.

Tooembarrassingtomention · 26/09/2021 20:44

Work girl?

Honestly?

Original poster
Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 20:44

@Tooembarrassingtomention

Work girl?

Honestly?

Sorry, work lassie**
OP posts:
Original poster
Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 20:49

Her reply to the wine, was a winking face

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 26/09/2021 20:51

That's not cool and anyone who says it's harmless is trying to be.. well, cool..

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 26/09/2021 20:53

@Confusedpapoose

Her reply to the wine, was a winking face
Sounds like a bit of a work flirt to me.

Some think harmless, I disagree.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 26/09/2021 20:53

I mean, on paper this situation sounds innocent enough. But if you just boil it down to “wife has an intuition that her husband with a roving eye may be up to something with a girl a work” then I’d say yes you’re probably right because wives almost always are in this situation I’m afraid.

DrManhattan · 26/09/2021 20:59

Hmmm not sure. Sounds a tad suspicious

Moneysavvymam · 26/09/2021 21:32

work body with vagina seems more appropriate.
I wouldn't like it either, especially not with a 3 year old and pregnant with my second. I would put everything on the table and shout my head off if my dh was doing this. Its the only way. And no you're not wring for checking his messages if you felt off, whats yours is mine and all that. I hate people pretending they need privacy on their phones. If he says this he is guilty because you only need privacy when you're a cheat.
See his reaction

Wilkolampshade · 26/09/2021 21:48

Yeah, you're not being weird. It's hardly an ongoing affair, but IMO it's signalling interest on his part. Whether or not it's reciprocated we don't know. I think it would make me alert OP.

Original poster
Confusedpapoose · 26/09/2021 21:48

@Moneysavvymam haha, yeah that’s what I should’ve written 🤣

Thank you - I don’t make a habit of looking. It was just there and I decided to have a look. I scrolled and came across this conversation, I wasn’t even looking for it. The “extra days” proposal was weeks ago and to be honest I’d totally forgotten it until I came across this conversation and I thought that’s odd, he said she approached him to help out with days but it’s clear as day here that it was the other way around. Just makes me wonder why, could be innocent but I don’t know why he wouldn’t just say “I’ve offered myself up to work more, shall I do these days?”

In essence, minor but the wine was unnecessary in my eyes. Probably being uptight but why not just a simple “thanks” and then why would she reply winking. Sounds off to me, but anyway I know if I bring it up it’ll be “why are you snooping, you’re looking too much into it” gaslighting I imagine. It’s definitely given me food for thought

OP posts:
FreedomFaith · 26/09/2021 21:51

He's sniffing around her trying to see if she's interested and being extra helpful to prove he's a nice guy. Funny how he isn't being extra helpful towards you or wanting extra time to spend with his family. Hmm

FlorenceWintle · 26/09/2021 22:35

Offering to buy her a glass of wine is flirting. He’s testing the waters.

RogueV · 26/09/2021 22:40

Trust your hunch OP

I wouldn’t like it either. Keep an eye out on more messages

Janaih · 26/09/2021 22:40

I wouldn't be happy about this. Heading into work wife territory. Not sure what you can do though unfortunately. Its a bit shit.

Chailatteplease · 26/09/2021 22:43

@Northernsoullover

That's not cool and anyone who says it's harmless is trying to be.. well, cool..
This.
Saoirse82 · 26/09/2021 22:43

@Tooembarrassingtomention

Work girl?

Honestly?

🙄 'Girl' is fine OP, I see this pulled up a lot on mumsnet, I think it might be a regional thing. And some people are just arsey on here about everything anyway
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 26/09/2021 22:45

@FlorenceWintle

Offering to buy her a glass of wine is flirting. He’s testing the waters.
This.

those saying offering to buy a glass of wine sometime is fine live in cuckoo land.

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