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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are women with husbands so jealous and hurtful towards other single women?

527 replies

beigebrownblue · 26/09/2021 19:57

Ok. I'm divorced.

I have absolutely ZILCH desire to hook up with a man.

None. Nil. Nichts. Nada.

I have been taking myself out once a week to eat at a local restaurant. Not cheap, but it is the only break I get.

I have noticed that the woman who is mangeress of the restaurant is really off with me and does not seem to be able to accept my presence.

I dress down. For a long time I've not wanted to be noticed by anyone actually. Often I read a book.

Her other half cooks in the kitchen.

Why is it that she insists on being territorial with me, on this one?

Are women so threatened nowadays?

Yes, perhaps her other half has history, but why blame a customer?

OP posts:
Bounce55 · 26/09/2021 20:34

And you're
One.
Hundred.
Percent.
Sure about this are you?

WTAFFF · 26/09/2021 20:35

Irrespective, I’d definitely try another restaurant.

Nomoreporridge · 26/09/2021 20:37

I think you are jumping to conclusions here, OP.

However, to all the married people expressing surprise that this happens- I can assure you, it does! Not everyone though…vast majority of married women I know are secure and grounded.

BUT there is a significant minority that view single women as a threat. You are treated differently when you’re divorced by these types.

ManifestingJoy · 26/09/2021 20:37

This happens when the woman has no confidence I think. She might have wondered if she'd be strong enough to leave her husband, or strong enough to run a household on her own. She hasn't had to try but it's her fear and she looks at you (and me, it's happened to me) and projects pity but really it's because you make her uncomfortably aware that you're stronger, and strong enough to deal with her worst fear.

That's my theory.

shouldistop · 26/09/2021 20:39

@ManifestingJoy you're reading an awful lot into someone looking at you.

DrSbaitso · 26/09/2021 20:39

I haven't been single for a long time, but I go out a lot by myself, including for meals, and I often don't wear my rings. I've never noticed a coupled up woman giving me any evils.

Iwonder08 · 26/09/2021 20:40

Very interesting : someone doesn't like you and the first thing you assume is because the woman is jealous.. How did you come to this conclusion? What is even more peculiar is why do you keep going to a restaurant where someone makes you feel unwelcome?

Bounce55 · 26/09/2021 20:40

@ManifestingJoy

This happens when the woman has no confidence I think. She might have wondered if she'd be strong enough to leave her husband, or strong enough to run a household on her own. She hasn't had to try but it's her fear and she looks at you (and me, it's happened to me) and projects pity but really it's because you make her uncomfortably aware that you're stronger, and strong enough to deal with her worst fear.

That's my theory.

Eh?
MeredithGreyishblue · 26/09/2021 20:41

How do you know her other half cooks in the kitchen?
What possible threat are you through the kitchen wall?
How does she know you're single / straight?
What's the book? "How to steal a married chef"?
So many questions

ManifestingJoy · 26/09/2021 20:41

I wouldn't go back to a restaurant where the staff were rude to me but if it's near you/the food is great/it's cheap, maybe kill her with kindness with a big smile and say ''I feel like you're mistaking me for somebody you don't like, but you and I have never met before I came here. I'm a happy customer!''

Then walk out and come back again when it suits you.

SunnyLeaf · 26/09/2021 20:42

I don’t get it, is this a cringe joke or something?

Thatsplentyjack · 26/09/2021 20:42

That's quite a story you've made up there Hmm

Anotherbrokenairer · 26/09/2021 20:42

@ManifestingJoy

This happens when the woman has no confidence I think. She might have wondered if she'd be strong enough to leave her husband, or strong enough to run a household on her own. She hasn't had to try but it's her fear and she looks at you (and me, it's happened to me) and projects pity but really it's because you make her uncomfortably aware that you're stronger, and strong enough to deal with her worst fear.

That's my theory.

@ManifestingJoy Goodness where did you get that?? How do you know a single woman is automatically stronger? Very big assumptions being made.
ManifestingJoy · 26/09/2021 20:43

[quote shouldistop]@ManifestingJoy you're reading an awful lot into someone looking at you. [/quote]
um, no. I'm talking about 15 years lived experience of being a single parent.

I've been very positive and determined not to let it get to me.

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2021 20:44
Hmm
Regularsizedrudy · 26/09/2021 20:44

Maybe she’s annoyed you take up a table reading a book?

Bounce55 · 26/09/2021 20:44

OP has the husband sent your lunch out on a heart shaped plate? Has he piped 'My Darling' in chocolate sauce beside your lump of fudge cake? Does he rush out of the kitchen and personally lay your table and fill your water glass? Have you mentioned to the Wife that you're divorced?

SmileyClare · 26/09/2021 20:44

Why are women so hurtful towards single women?

It could well be because you're single, out and reasonably attractive, it could be something else.

How ironic that the majority of replies are calling the Op "full of herself, deluded, so vain, you must think you're hot, why are you so angry and its probably your fault you're treated poorly because you're a dick" Hmm

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2021 20:44

@ManifestingJoy

This happens when the woman has no confidence I think. She might have wondered if she'd be strong enough to leave her husband, or strong enough to run a household on her own. She hasn't had to try but it's her fear and she looks at you (and me, it's happened to me) and projects pity but really it's because you make her uncomfortably aware that you're stronger, and strong enough to deal with her worst fear.

That's my theory.

Um what?
Frustrated1234 · 26/09/2021 20:44

When I was a waitress, in my 20s it was the female customers who were much worse to me than the male ones. Occasionally it felt quite uncomfortable.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 26/09/2021 20:44

I have a husband and am neither jealous nor hurtful towards single women.

Spidey66 · 26/09/2021 20:45

How does the owner even now you're single? You may live with your husband who work's the other side of town.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/09/2021 20:48

Restaurants often don't like solo diners because we take up a table for two, but only eat one meal and maybe drink less than a couple or group.
I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume she thinks you're after her husband.

Jaguar77 · 26/09/2021 20:49

Make a sandwich and stay home.
Why continue going to a place where the hostess is threatened by your book learning and hotness

ManifestingJoy · 26/09/2021 20:49

@Anotherbrokenairer I '''got that'' from the women who over the last fifteen years have gone out of their way to love bomb all the others around us (married) while they iced me, excluded me and put me down with shitty questions about my x or my finances. I was so naive, I just showed up at the school gates with a big smile and my tail wagging expecting everybody to be friendly because that had been my previous experience. But that is not the experience of a single parent. There will always be an alpha gorilla giving you the brush off or the silent treatment because they have husbands and I don't. They are the minority. But you don't have to be single for long before you've met a few of them.

Nice for those of you who don't get it.