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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel all hobbies?

60 replies

Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 19:42

Both DC have always had hobbies, we did lots of classes as babies / toddlers and then since about 3 they have had a hobby that we take quite seriously, in that we try not to miss unless absolutely required (I hate people who take a spot on a team and then only turn up 50% of the time!).

DS is not an older teen and was considering his sport as a career. Although he’s currently injured and waiting for surgery (caused by said sport) so isn’t doing anything at the moment.

DD9 has done her hobby since she was 2, she was doing around 12-14 hours per week before lockdown. Over lockdown, she had major surgery (not caused by her hobby) and hasn’t yet been signed off to go back to her hobby. She will never be able to get back to the standard she was and won’t progress at the rate of the other children.

She’s undecided on whether she wants to go back to her existing hobby due to the above. We decided to spend Sept / Oct trying new things, I’ve booked her trials on a few different so far. She’s been to them she’s enjoyed them, said she will go back next week but then hasn’t mentioned it again so I’m not convinced she’s loving any of them (but definitely enjoyed and not hated them).

So AIBU to give up on hobbies and take back our spare time? I’m really enjoying having free weekends, no rushing off on Saturday mornings, being able to make weekend plans etc.

How important are hobbies in your families?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 26/09/2021 20:10

I’m really enjoying having free weekends, no rushing off on Saturday mornings, being able to make weekend plans etc.

Maybe your DD and DS too. I am a bit shocked at a 9 yo spending 12 to 14 hours a week on any activity. That's more than just a hobby. Would you mind if either of them decided they just wanted to have a bit of free time and no particular "hobby" for a while? Or maybe do a hobby for fun but not let it take over their life

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 26/09/2021 20:11

You need a balance. Weigh up the benefit to the children with the travelling, parking, hassle etc.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/09/2021 20:16

Mine tried various hobbies but there’s no way I would have let them do 14 hours a week in school time as with homework that would leave very little down time which I feel they need.
It was always their choice and they changed frequently.

Smartiepants79 · 26/09/2021 20:16

I think some kind of hobby is quite important. It’s doesn’t have to involve the time commitment you describe but an hour or two doing something with other people and maybe learning a skill is good in my opinion.
Find something they enjoy but that takes less time. Compromise!

Dozer · 26/09/2021 20:18

At your DCs’ ages it’s surely their choice?

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 20:18

@5foot5

I’m really enjoying having free weekends, no rushing off on Saturday mornings, being able to make weekend plans etc.

Maybe your DD and DS too. I am a bit shocked at a 9 yo spending 12 to 14 hours a week on any activity. That's more than just a hobby. Would you mind if either of them decided they just wanted to have a bit of free time and no particular "hobby" for a while? Or maybe do a hobby for fun but not let it take over their life

I don’t mind at all (as I say I’m enjoying it lol) but it’s so hard once you’re into these things it hard to stop. A new class, an extra hour here and there that everyone else seems to be doing. Hence how we ended up doing all those hours (she was on the competition team). I suggested she went back but didn’t compete and she said she does the hobby to compete and it wouldn’t be fun without that part.
OP posts:
TheCanyon · 26/09/2021 20:20

Your dd2 is a grown up yes? He can do what he likes. Your dd though is only doing what's open to her arm due to her surgery. YOU'RE being the pushy parent here

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 26/09/2021 20:20

Also some parents (mainly women!) martyr themselves ferrying kids about every day, fixtures at 8am on the weekend etc. No need! If you have a demanding job or it just doesn't work for your life don't offer the option. DD does 4 clubs offered at school hence childcare (I'm a teacher on site so this is valuable). Her Saturday club is in the local town but middle of the day so no early mornings. DS does 2 clubs also on site but is younger.

Make it work for you.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 26/09/2021 20:21

Why are people on MN so bloody coy about what hobbies they do?

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 20:21

@Dozer

At your DCs’ ages it’s surely their choice?
Yes of course. My DS will decide following his surgery if he goes back or not.

It’s more my DD, she will happily say yes to most of the things she’s tried but I’m sure she will enjoy them but then I’m not sure she really that bothered either way.

OP posts:
Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 26/09/2021 20:22

No mystery here. DD 10- athletics, drama club, football, tennis.

DS7- gymnastics, karate.

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 20:23

@Grumpyoldpersonwithcats

Why are people on MN so bloody coy about what hobbies they do?
Coy in what way? I haven’t named the hobbies so not to be outing?!
OP posts:
Viviennemary · 26/09/2021 20:25

I think hobbies which take up a couple of hours once a week are fine. Any more they are a tiresome burden.IMHO. But no good asking others. Do what suits you best.

bonbonours · 26/09/2021 20:26

All mine do several hobbies, musical theatre, hockey, trampolining, scouts, choir, dance etc all of them only for an hour or two a week. Spending hours and hours on one hobby implies taking it very seriously indeed. Unless mine had a real talent and love of one particular thing, I'd rather they did a variety of different activities.

Downthespidersweb · 26/09/2021 20:28

Hmm you seem to be doing nothing or too much. There is a middle way
dd 12 does dance and cheer 5 hours over 3 evenings...wanted to do gymnastics but I said no..its too much

clary · 26/09/2021 20:30

12-14 hours a week is a lot for a 7-8yo as she must have been before lockdown. That's 2 x 3hr weekend sessions and 4 x 2hrs in the week. Massive commitment. Presume it was gymnastics? I would let them decide tbh. If she isn't keen to do it without comps then there's your answer.

Why is it outing btw?

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 26/09/2021 20:37

I think it’s really important for children to have hobbies, especially if they go to state school where there aren’t always many extracurricular activities. It’s not about achieving a certain level, it’s about developing as a well rounded person. CHildren thrive on varying experiences, being challenged, learning to succeed and to fail, how to be part of a team, how to motivate themselves and that there’s more to life than school and TV. I would never cancel unless the children really weren’t happy there.

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 20:52

@clary

12-14 hours a week is a lot for a 7-8yo as she must have been before lockdown. That's 2 x 3hr weekend sessions and 4 x 2hrs in the week. Massive commitment. Presume it was gymnastics? I would let them decide tbh. If she isn't keen to do it without comps then there's your answer.

Why is it outing btw?

It’s not gymnastics. Because a child injured from his hobby and a daughter who has had major surgery. To anyone who knows us would probably guess who we are. Although I’ve name changed so irrelevant anyway lol.
OP posts:
SpiderinaWingMirror · 26/09/2021 20:59

But it's OK just to enjoy stuff without being obsessed. Eg dd does trampolining. Loves going for an hour and a half on a Friday evening, is decent at it, has some friends there. Would never want to compete. Ditto dancing and musical theatre. She just likes doing them and there is huge value in that.
Maybe because your 2 have been in competitive teams they have missed out on that.

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 21:01

@SpiderinaWingMirror

But it's OK just to enjoy stuff without being obsessed. Eg dd does trampolining. Loves going for an hour and a half on a Friday evening, is decent at it, has some friends there. Would never want to compete. Ditto dancing and musical theatre. She just likes doing them and there is huge value in that. Maybe because your 2 have been in competitive teams they have missed out on that.
Yes I think this is completely fair, probably more so DD then DS, he changed sports at 11 which was totally his own choice.
OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 26/09/2021 21:05

Are you suggesting for your daughter or both? Seems unfair to now refuse to let DS go back once he's able because you've now decided you like chilling on a weekend.

If DD isn't interested in going back without competing (does she def feel this or is she worried others will judge her for not being as good as she was?) I'd ask specifically if she wants to try something or if she likes having the free time but leave it open for the future. Seems unfair to support DS to late teens but tell 9 yo nah, you got injured, go read a boon

MissCreeAnt · 26/09/2021 21:06

Hobbies have a habit of expanding over time when you have a "joiner". Take the opportunity for a break, and enjoy it while it lasts :)

Original poster
Tohobbieornot · 26/09/2021 21:09

@SleepingStandingUp

Are you suggesting for your daughter or both? Seems unfair to now refuse to let DS go back once he's able because you've now decided you like chilling on a weekend.

If DD isn't interested in going back without competing (does she def feel this or is she worried others will judge her for not being as good as she was?) I'd ask specifically if she wants to try something or if she likes having the free time but leave it open for the future. Seems unfair to support DS to late teens but tell 9 yo nah, you got injured, go read a boon

I wouldn’t stop either of them going back, I think because both of them are out it’s made me realise more how much other stuff we are missing out on. DS will definitely get to decide if he wants to go back or not.

I think unless we literally go back to exactly what classes they were doing before we need to drop it down significantly and it be a lot more for fun (for DD mainly). Maybe we need to find something that’s on an evening and not at weekends for a happy medium.

OP posts:
Neonplant · 26/09/2021 21:09

It all sounds a bit ott to me. Its such a mumsnet thing for kids to have loads of hobbies they're amazing at and could do as a profession. But it's not all or nothing either. They could fo one or others which van be fine independently?

Nomoreusernames1244 · 26/09/2021 21:11

Mine do hobbies- as in sports, otherwise they would sit on their arses and do nothing. They need some sort of physical activity.

Oldest is committed and trains hard. Youngest not so much, and has gradually switched from potential elite squads to more recreational, team oriented sports. They really would sit on their phone, so it gets them in a sports hall 3 or 4 times a week, and they get the odd weekend away to compete.

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