Not ready for my dad to die

[Jinnybean]

My dad (72) is badly ill in hospital. He has heart failure, kidney failure and a lung infection. It’s very touch and go atm. I was allowed to see him today for the first time since he was admitted and while being fed a yogurt he almost choked to death in front of me. Iv never seen such fear in someone’s face. It was horrific and I’m really shook up. I had to go and sob in the bathroom. He doesn’t want to live anymore.
He had a stroke when I was 16 (I’m 31 now) snd my mum died when I was 19.

I’m not ready to be orphaned yet. He’s my hero and I love him so so so much.

I fear I won’t get to see him again. They don’t really know vistors on the ward so no idea how me and my sister got in today or how she’s been going every week on her own. (They would only lllow one and she’s taken it upon herself to be his next of kin).

I feel so emotional and lonely. And selfish.

I'm so sorry @Jinnybean that is awful and no age to lose a parent let alone your last remaining one. I don't have much advice but we're here for a handhold.

I would try to go and see him. The nurses on the ward when my dad was used their initiative and let us in when my dad was near the end.

So sorry, it is incredibly hard to see fear and pain on your loved ones face like that. I try and think that my father had millions and billions of happy moments in his life and hardly any moments of fear and pain. The pain does not define his life x

I’m thinking of you and your Dad and sister @Jinnybean

I'm so sorry lovely. You're not selfish at all - it's natural not to want your Dad to die.
X

I’m so sorry. I don’t think anyone ever feels ready it’s especially hard when they are in pain and you can see the fatigue in their eyes. It’s not selfish to feel like this, it’s very natural. Thinking of you and your sister 💕

Op thats so hard. Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry that your dear Dad is so ill right now. Sending healing thoughts and best wishes for you,your sister and your Dad.

Please ask to go visit daily

So very sorry to read this, no words of wisdom but being practical, speak to the medical staff, I'm sure they'll do their utmost to make your Dad as comfortable as possible. Also they may be more flexible regarding visiting / staying with him.

Thinking of you xx

You're not selfish in the slightest OP as others have said I'm sure the ward will more flexible with visiting given your dad's condition.

I’m very sorry for what you are going through. I’ve just recently been there myself. It’s hideous. Try to go and see him if you feel like you want to. Try and tell him anything you feel is important while you can. X

Thinking of you. I am much older and was orphaned in Dec. At the risk of being outed dp died in a home. ( I cannot call it a care home because they did not care for them)
When the end came near we all got in one at a time. I was banned because I used a stick to walk.
Hopefully the hospital will be different and if there is just the 2 of you perhaps she would agree that you could go in . It depends on the hospital staff and this varies greatly.
You never know he could come out of it as treatment is s great thing. I have seen a relative been on the brink of death and give up and pick up with treatment.
Sending hugs and prayers .

Thank you all.

They weren’t going to allow us on today but we kind of had to beg. They said they don’t allow vistors and if he improves at all they will stop it completely.

My mum died after a short illness and I resent that I didn’t have time to properly say goodbye or do one last ring for her or with her. I did get a recording of her voice and a thumb print which I had made in to jewellery maybe the nurses will help him record a message and take a thumb tint - you can buy the paper from Amazon or look for thumb print jewellery on google / Etsy . My undertaker also offered this service.

So sorry you are going through this especially as visiting is so difficult. I can totally understand why you are not ready to lose him and you are definitely not being selfish. Sending good wishes to you all xxx

He died tonight.

I'm sorry Jinny.
I hope you got to be with him xx

I am so sorry @Jinnybean. Sending you lots of love.

So sorry your dad has passed on OP. Get together with your sister and have a good cry together. It’s hard to lose your parents so young, I truly feel for you.

I am so so sorry that you have lost your dad. But also so pleased that you got to see him today.

My mum died recently, and I was also not ready to let her go. Like you, it felt selfish, but we feel that way because of how much we love them. I don’t think it matters what age we are, we will never be ready to say goodbye.

The depth of my grief overwhelmed me during the early days. It was like a physical pain and I was taken aback and scared by it. One of my best friends who lost her dad a could of years ago promised me that I would never feel as bad as I did on that first night and then the first couple of days. And while I was, and still am, devastated, she was right.

Sending you love and hope you are as ok as you can be tonight

Oh jinny

I’m so very sorry.

I hope you managed to get in but your love for him shines out in your posts. He’ll have gone knowing that he was loved and that is the greatest gift you can ever give someone.

It is always hard for the ones left behind. More so in these times.

May the days ahead slowly start to fill with memories of happier times to help you through.

So very sorry, I don't know what else to say, except I hope that his passing was a gentle one.

I'm so sorry.
He saw you that one last time, and that's a good thing.
Sending you hugs.
Try to rest now.
The next few days will be a bit of a whirlwind for you.
There are many of us who have trodden this path before you, and I know we are all sending you our strength to help you through this.

I'm so sorry.

So so sorry to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx