Not ready for my dad to die

[Jinnybean]

My dad (72) is badly ill in hospital. He has heart failure, kidney failure and a lung infection. It’s very touch and go atm. I was allowed to see him today for the first time since he was admitted and while being fed a yogurt he almost choked to death in front of me. Iv never seen such fear in someone’s face. It was horrific and I’m really shook up. I had to go and sob in the bathroom. He doesn’t want to live anymore.
He had a stroke when I was 16 (I’m 31 now) snd my mum died when I was 19.

I’m not ready to be orphaned yet. He’s my hero and I love him so so so much.

I fear I won’t get to see him again. They don’t really know vistors on the ward so no idea how me and my sister got in today or how she’s been going every week on her own. (They would only lllow one and she’s taken it upon herself to be his next of kin).

I feel so emotional and lonely. And selfish.

I’m so sorry. Xxx

I am so sorry xx

I’m so sorry. Thinking of you & holding your hand.

I am so so sorry my love. I am holding you in my heart and sending you love. My DM died on 16 July this year. She meant everything to me. I feel your pain. Take things minute break minute. Deep breaths. Take it slow. I hope you have someone with you. My thoughts are with you.

My husband is in bed as he’s got work in the morning. Iv taken myself to the sofa so
I don’t keep him awake.

I am so sorry. Of course you are not ready to lose your lovely Dad. We never are. Although it feels like you are alone, you are not. So many people have walked this road before you . Your dad is in the best hands tonight and he knows that you love him. The bond will always be there x

I'm so sorry

I'm an orphan. My dad died when I was 30. I also lost my only sibling at the same age. It's just shit. There is no sugar coating it. In my experience time really doesnt heal either.

The only thing I hold on to is to try and live my life for them. You may find strength in that.They wouldn't want you to be miserable

Very sorry for you, he’s at peace now, be glad you saw him

So sorry OP XX my dad died in similar circumstances in June and I'm still in pieces. I hope you can get some rest and find comfort that your DDad is no longer in pain x

I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry for your loss

So sorry, OP. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Is there no way that your DH can stay off work tomorrow to be with you? Even if he can’t I wouldn’t worry about keeping him awake. You’ve just experienced a major shock and upset, it might help you to stay physically close to him. Or do you think you’d do best on your own for now, to get your thoughts clear on your own?

I’m so very very sorry for the loss of your beloved father @Jinnybean . Thoughts and prayers with you tonight.
One day at a time 💐

I'm so sorry. You will be so raw at the moment and my heart goes out to you.
My dad died this year and I definitely feel like the grief changes all the time and the gaps between bad days start to get longer. In the early days I cant even describe properly how I felt. I'd wake up feeling like my body was physically beaten up. I slept for a couple of hours here or there and would then go out and walk for miles as I wanted to be on my own.
Everyone is so individual though and you go with however you feel taking one day at a time, even one hour at a time.
My heartfelt condolences. Xxx

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. You are never ready for the loss of a parent and personally I found the loss of my father, the second loss, much harder as being 'orphaned' even at my age felt so very final. I have no brothers or sisters, my mother was an only one and I suddenly felt very alone with no one left to remember me as a child. Please allow yourself to lean on others for comfort ( your sister, husband ) and believe that although things will never be the same again they will get better ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it might sound hollow from a stranger online but I’m thinking of you and wish you well. Rest in peace to your father.

@Jinnybean

Oh you poor sweet love ... 31 is sooo young to lose both parents. I am thinking of you and praying for you

An orphan at 31. Way too young. Look after yourself...

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you got to see him. My dad died a few months ago and the pain is still so raw it suffocates me. Please be kind to yourself and get as much support as you can. I’m in therapy and I think it’s helping. Don’t feel even slightly selfish, it’s your loss, it’s the most natural thing to want them around. Sending strength your way.

So very sorry for your loss OP.

There's nothing anyone can do or say to take away the pain of losing a loved one.

That said, please allow yourself the time to grieve in the way that is right for you. Don't suppres your grief, don't minimise your feelings, don't pretend you are OK. I hope those around you can support you and if you don't feel like you can burden them with your true feelings please remember there's a fantastic community of people here to support you as best they can through this most difficult time.

So very sorry OP. Try to look after yourself - eating, sleeping - and lean on your DH and friends.

So sorry @Jinnybean

I'm so sorry for you and your sister and sending a huge virtual hug ❤️

My heart hurts so much. Im gutted my husband had to go work as I just want to sleep.

The nurse said he asked for a drink at 10, he downed it and then asked for another. She got him one snd then went to check his obs and he took his last breath. She said he just fell asleep and died.

I am so sorry for your loss.