What stupid things do you do that no one else knows about?

[FancySomeChips]

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

Stupid things I do that no one knows about, apart from my kids...
I flap up and down the stairs, mostly down. I can not walk up and down stairs normally, and it requires great effort to walk like a normal human being when I hit stairs in public.

I sing songs to my cats and dogs in either a woof woof or a meow meow, in the tune of a song. I sometimes meow songs to the dogs and woof to the cats just to confuse them.

"Hey, Butchkin!
"Come back, Butchkin!
"Best catgone cat in the world!"

@SunshineCake1

You sound like my dear late husband, one year he a saw the last Christmas tree outside a supermarket at almost closing time, he had to buy it so it didn't a have a miserable Christmas!

This one nearly had me in tears. Sorry for your loss

Thank you for your kind thoughts.
To expand on this, I was in another shop, last-minute panic, I met him back at the car, him and a 5 foot Christmas tree. It was raining and we were in my 2 seater convertible, we had to put the hood down, our hoods up, to get the bloody thing home, we then had to rearrange the already rearranged house to find a space for it and thin out the decorations and lights on the existing tree! Still, it looked very happy to be there.

What a lovely man. I'm so sorry .

Love all these. I count stairs every time I go up and down them. I know how many steps there are in so many places. I have to stop a conversation to count.
Also have two sided conversations with the dog. I thought everyone did.

I have a secret longing for really bad 80’s food at times. Angel delight, cold ravioli from tins. Do not ask me why I can’t explain it myself

I do so many things that people have already mentioned!

-Secret Life where I'm slim, gorgeous, clever, witty, popular, young again!
-Talking to pets
-Can't leave one item on the shelf or it will be lonely (same applies to biscuits and cakes - can never leave one slice!)
-Thanking inanimate objects for their 'service'
-Talking to my car when its snowing/icy and I have to get home or I'm going through a big puddle/flood giving it words of encouragement then saying thankyou

This will horrify the people on the thread who are worried about demons under the bed but I have to sleep with my feet sticking out from the doona and preferably off the end of the bed.

@Underamour

I have a secret longing for really bad 80’s food at times. Angel delight, cold ravioli from tins. Do not ask me why I can’t explain it myself

Every so often, I really really wish I could be 14 and eating findus crispy pancakes, minced beef flavour, for tea. I recently heard that iceland did them and was beside myself with excitement, but imagine the pain when I realised they only did the cheese ones. We need the beef ones!

@TheChip

I am also Scottish when I'm alone and talking to myself. I found out that my sister is also Scottish when she talks to herself.

When I'm alone I have conversations with myself, half in my normal accent and half in rough as guts bogan. My husband thinks I'm very weird (he's right).

@ShinyMe - you can get beef and onion ones from morrisons ..
groceries.morrisons.com/products/birds-eye-crispy-pancakes-beef-onion-514115011

If I'm ever on my own overnight in the house I can't go to bed til I've checked every room, every cupboard, under every bed, just in case someone has snuck in and is hiding. I also put a chair against my bedroom door. I'm 40

If I grind my gears I apologise and stroke my steering wheel. I say morning to my house every time I wake up. i say sorry if I dig up a worm, I then place it somewhere safe. Thought I was batty but I see by other posts, I'm quite normal.

@MarioPants

This will horrify the people on the thread who are worried about demons under the bed but I have to sleep with my feet sticking out from the doona and preferably off the end of the bed.

Me too!

@BikeRunSki

I always point out fire engines and monkey puzzle trees, even if I am by myself even if I am with an important client. My dc are 10 and 13, they no longer care. Either about monkey puzzle trees, fire engines or their nutty mother.

Yep same here, don't forget tractors and trains! Even stopped the car to watch a steam train recently, got out and waved, DH took a photo, kid weren't bothered, one didn't even look up from his phone!

When I make flat-pack cheapy furniture with an Allen key, I pretend I live on the shetland Isles in a small cottage-studio where I make my living as a master joiner, making beautiful pieces of furniture that sell for ££££. I have a loom in the corner and am dressed in designer plaid workwear. I am often featured in Sunday supplements.

Every morning I stand naked in front of my mirror, to check how fat I am. Chastising myself for eating that cake, biscuit whatever. Stupid eh

OMG - don't start that - when you get old there is no saving it!! sags, rolls, lumps and bumps - as long as it works reasonably just be grateful.

one didn't even look up from his phone!

Awww, I find them interesting because you can actually see how they work, converting coal to energy, all those, pistons, cranks, steam -- they were all over the world once.

@Gufo

When I make flat-pack cheapy furniture with an Allen key, I pretend I live on the shetland Isles in a small cottage-studio where I make my living as a master joiner, making beautiful pieces of furniture that sell for ££££. I have a loom in the corner and am dressed in designer plaid workwear. I am often featured in Sunday supplements.

Love this

With a young black labrador sleeping in his bed in the corner. And wood burning stove which you light with the dry wood shavings. And a battered kettle on top of the stove. And copies of said supplements piled up on a table in the other corner covered with a light layer of wood dust. And a beautiful leather bound journal containing your pencil sketches.

[quote SpittinKitten]@ShinyMe - you can get beef and onion ones from morrisons ..
groceries.morrisons.com/products/birds-eye-crispy-pancakes-beef-onion-514115011[/quote]
Iiiinteresting! I will investigate. They're not the Findus ones from my childhood though!

Exactly @MydogWillow!

@Spiindoctor

one didn't even look up from his phone!

Awww, I find them interesting because you can actually see how they work, converting coal to energy, all those, pistons, cranks, steam -- they were all over the world once.

I know, dad was a train spotter I saw A LOT as a child, I still love them, the kids did too when they were little to be fair

@Nayday

I talk for the dog as if she's speaking to me - and she has an American accent.

I have to stop myself from doing it when we have visitors.

Leaving the country now I've admitted how weird I am!

I can tell we'd get on! My dog also has a voice and obviously I do the conversation for both of us. She starts every word with an 'r' like Scooby Doo does. So she'll say 'res rease I rove rausages' for example. Or 'ry romach's rempty ry reed rood.' My husband and son also do this and we all think it's hilarious, no it's not technically something I do on my own...

I make up new lyrics to known songs depending on what I'm doing.

I created a wonderful version of Amy Winehouse's Valerie but all about celery instead. My dogs love celery and now come running when they hear me singing it. (The lyrics do end up different every time though.)

DH occasionally catches me singing my weird songs and just laughs and rolls his eyes at me.

I sing to my food when I'm alone. It goes 'Yummy yummy yummy, I've got pancakes in my tummy and I was made for eating you' whilst twirling around the kitchen with said pancake in my hands like a dance partner.*
*other foods also available

I also sing to my DD at teeth brushing time to the tune of South Pacific, ' I'm going to brush those teeth so nice and clean, I'm going to brush those teeth so nice and clean and make them shiny white'

My bedtime weirdness is about little lights. I have to rearrange the curtains to have no gaps, can't have a clock as it's too bright....even take tape and material with me to cover up the inevitable TV red lights in hotel rooms.