What stupid things do you do that no one else knows about?

[FancySomeChips]

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

I always imagine Border Terriers would speak with a cockney accent!

I always point out fire engines and monkey puzzle trees, even if I am by myself even if I am with an important client. My dc are 10 and 13, they no longer care. Either about monkey puzzle trees, fire engines or their nutty mother.

Oh no! Surely a Borders accent?

My cats reply to me in Cockney accents. Oh the conversations we have!

They have a wide range of nicknames, are vary rarely called by their real names. Chirpy Chirperson, Chonky Chonkerson, Furry Shadow.

I sing You Are My Sunshine to them, but I'm going to have a go at changing the lyrics à la the Fergus PP version above

Yay! Found my people (fellow nutty mothers) I, too, point out monkey puzzle trees (because they’re amazing! duh!) but also trains. Kids, however, are now 15 and 18 so I get an eye roll😁

My friend had a monkey puzzle tree and said never again. They are really painful. They attack you with their needles every time you go near them.

@Ddot

Every morning I stand naked in front of my mirror, to check how fat I am. Chastising myself for eating that cake, biscuit whatever. Stupid eh

Don't do that @Ddot. Please.

Start looking in the mirror and admire your strong body that is wholy unique and belongs only to you and has done all the amazing things it has done.

5BlackDoors
I know I should be proud of my body after all it fought of the big C. But I'm scarred to hell and getting old. I did suffer from an eating disorder but have it under control. Not suffered any bouts since divorce 😉 I dont have scales (chucked em) but my mirror routine is what I'm left with. Thanks for the flowers xxx

Playing fetch with my dog, if I accidentally throw the ball into the tree I have to go and pat it to apologise. I always try to make it look like a normal part of the walk, "I'm just over here casually leaning on the tree!" But I'm secretly apologising for damaging its leaves.

When I come home I also ask our dog how his day was and then rattle through things he did for him "the dog walker picked you up and you went on a big adventure didn't you! And then you were waiting for us and you have a lovely snooze! Did you see any birds?"

Where I grew up there were two letter boxes next to each other. I always split the mail so both boxes had a feed. If one box got more than the other, the next time the other box got more. I am grateful I don't see double post boxes now.

If I type two words the same, I delete the second word because the first one was there first.

@KingdomScrolls I've been very polite to mine especially since that cartoon about robot apocalypse 😂

I talk to EVERYTHING.

If DH kisses one part of my head that's not in the middle, for example a cheek he has to kiss the other cheek too so it doesn't feel left out.

I kiss my cat on the nose

@Ddot

I kiss my cat on the nose

Me too, because their noses are so velvety and scrumptious!

I smell my cats paws, a faint scent of sweat but it's nice 🤪

I chomp on my cat's ears. Lips over teeth, just hold them in my mouth. They don't seem to mind, even though they think mummy has gone crazy.

Me too

@allsorts1

When I come home I also ask our dog how his day was and then rattle through things he did for him "the dog walker picked you up and you went on a big adventure didn't you! And then you were waiting for us and you have a lovely snooze! Did you see any birds?"

that is EXCELLENT!

YY to conversations with pets.

I buy treats and hide them around the house so my DH can’t find them and I eat them in secret 🤫 I do a Dr Evil style laugh and snigger out loud to myself when I find a really good place.

I also ask my cat about his adventures when he’s been out:

Did you see any birdies or buzzies?
Did you see the doggos?
Or the very big doggos (horses)?
Was Big Ginger Bastard (neighbours cat) out?

He looks at me all adoringly like we’re having a moment, and I consider each blink a yes.

@Llamasally

YY to conversations with pets.

I buy treats and hide them around the house so my DH can’t find them and I eat them in secret 🤫 I do a Dr Evil style laugh and snigger out loud to myself when I find a really good place.

Muesli box. Because the kids will never, ever look in there.

I've enjoyed this thread so much. It's taken me a few days to get through it but I have so many little oddities that nobody knows about.

• I am in fact a world class chef with my own cooking channel and when I'm cooking I go through each step very simply so everyone can keep up and follow along.
• I'm also a world class singer and when the family thinks I'm showering, I'm actually performing my greatest hits in concert or filming my latest video.
• On top of all that I'm an exceptional detective who can solve any conundrum that leaves others completely baffled and nobody knows how I do it.
• I also imagine I always have an audience a bit like the Truman Show and frequently talk to people who aren't there...and I'm always correct.
• I do a brilliant Scottish accent and when alone talk to myself only in a Scottish accent.

In real life I like to fade into the background and never draw attention to myself.

I am also Scottish when I'm alone and talking to myself.
I found out that my sister is also Scottish when she talks to herself.