What stupid things do you do that no one else knows about?

[FancySomeChips]

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

@BearSoFair

I sing 'toe beans, toe beans, toe beans, toe beaaaans' to the tune of Jolene if the cat is sleeping with a paw upturned

I'm going to do that ...

I definitely talk for my dog - he swears a lot, but he's always happy. "Yay, we're going for a walk, woop-woop hurry the fuck up you ugly fat sow!"

But my thing is imagining that my life is being secretly filmed. I am slim, obviously, beautiful, and envied by all who watch my little Truman show. My enemies/objects of my desire are intrigued by me as I'm such an engima.

In the car I get totally lost in my music and imagine I'm at some kind of bar doing an impromptu acoustic spot (because I can play basic versions of all my favourite, little known album tracks on an acoustic guitar or a piano). When I find a song I can sing all the way through in the right key without my voice cracking, I'll turn the volume down so I can hear my own voice and practice over and over.

If I ever actually did it into a microphone I'd probably get arrested.

But what if a little old lady comes along just after you and needs them very thing you’ve just taken 2 of?!! I can just see her little face- she’s gutted….
But what if she doesn't...I can almost hear the sad song of that lonely singular item left on the shelf.
Donkey from shrek style...I'm all alone, there's no one here beside meeee

I check the loo for spiders before sitting down.

I pretend to be reading work emails on my phone but I'm really on Mumsnet or FB... so I don't have to jump to attention to help DH with DIY the minute he asks for help ...
give me a break lol..

Every night without fail I bite two ends off a pack penguin biscuits and use them as straws for my brew

@4BlueTowers
Omg yes- I'm 50!!
The covers will definitely protect us from any axe murderer or weirdo clown about to chop us up!

Sometimes if I can’t sleep I imagine the coroners report on finding me such as: The deceased was found wearing a blue bra, a much washed white Cotton t-shirt (legend “Copa Cobana”) and striped orange shorts. Left hand bent at elbow, head resting on left hand. Legs slightly drawn up towards body. Feet lightly crossed at ankle.

The other thing is that if we are about to watch an old ITV programme on YouTube and the TV company jingle comes on such as Anglia or Central, standing to attention and maintaining a salute is mandatory until jingle is complete. I didn’t initiate this and can’t remember why it started, but it is so ingrained that I do it even if alone. Bad luck otherwise.

@MalfunctioningRobot

I have to always sleep under a duvet, even in 30 degree heat, otherwise the monsters will get me.

When I leave the house without the dog I always tell her she’s in charge and how long I’ll be gone for. I worry she’ll panic I’m not coming back if I don’t tell her.

You have monsters that will get you too? The monsters are why my bedroom door and the bedroom windows need to be closed at night, or I can’t sleep. Do you know what it’s like at the age of 49 to tell your boyfriend the reason he can’t leave the bedroom window open all night is “because the monsters will get in”?

@Neron

If there's 2 items left on a shelf, that I only need to purchase 1 of - I have to take them both. Can't leave 1, it will get lonely...

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one that is like this, I can't leave anything on its own. I can't leave 1 chip on a plate, has to be 2 or 0. Why do I think objects have feelings?

My cat (sadly now deceased) had a voice like Ray Winstone. Wotchulookinaat...

I tend to do a gurning type of grin at a certain part of my journey into work. This is to convince myself that I am cheerful about going in.

At another point in the journey I always get a weird feeling and think weird existential thoughts . I reckon its because their is a wyrm hole / glitch in the universe thing at that location.

@Alcemeg

I don't like sleeping with the bedroom door open in case the mad axe maniac arrives in the night. My husband humours me with this one.

It’s not axe maniacs, it’s monsters. You have to close the bedroom door to keep the monsters out. I am 49

VK456

I colour-coordinate my washing when I peg it out as much as I can. It can be a bit problematic though, because I like all the trousers together, all the tops together and so on.

My neighbour does this, initially I was in complete awe of them but then they left them out to darked on….

@FancySomeChips

I used to be a party animal. LOVED clubbing every weekend (multiple times a week as a student), would dance for hours and laugh and laugh and laugh.

Tonight I am sitting in my cuddle chair putting chewits down my bra to warm them up before I eat them.
I’m home alone.

How life has changed.

Make me feel better, what weird stuff do you do that no one else knows about?!

Are warm chewiest "thing"

If my children are away with school or at their fathers and they don't take their favoured cuddly toys along, I collect them up and have them share the big bed with me. Grandparent duties 😂.

I had four additional bed companions last night. Lovely. No wriggling / wind/ early wake ups. 👍👍

I wave goodbye to the person I’m talking to when ending a phone conversation.

@ConsulTremas

Love a FB steak and ale. Haven’t had one for years. Might have to indulge again.

*chewits

I have a 6 year old daughter, a 22 month old son and I am also fostering my niece and nephew temporarily. Our once quiet house is now bedlam. When I get let out to do the food shop, I usually buy a box of cream eclairs or doughnuts and I sit in the car and scoff the entire lot whilst scrolling through my phone before I go home. Zero shame.

I tweeze my legs and fingers/toe hair. , normally while watching TV.

I wink at the mirror when home alone and walking past it, then slide back in view giving it my best hey there 😏 face. Very weird.

I have imaginary friends who don't actually like me. They exclude me from stuff and sometimes I try to sneak up on them (in my mind) to see if they're bitching about me behind my back.

I copy the guinea pigs movements in the hope they will think I am one of them and communicating with them, if they put their nose up in the air and sniff, I do the same. If they stand dead still and stare so do I. I've been doing it for 4 years but they still run away from me.

I make up different words to kids theme tunes, like octonauts, I'll sing, "first get the kettle, then get a teabag, next you need mi-ilk, to make tea!" That's an example, but it's quite frequent. I'll often incorporate my little boy's name into it, or the mundane household shit that's occurring at the time.
I must admit, I even annoy myself.

I sometimes make a couple of hot drinks at a time, just cause I don't like the disappointment when I have none left.