Page 4 | To advise my friend to seek family lawyer advice in this situation?

thecatmother · 2021-09-25T18:14:14+00:00

My friend is married to her soulmate and they have a perfect marriage, she is SAHM and he is a high earner, and they are settled on having just one DC, who is 5 now. Or so she thought... They have a "best couple " that they go on holidays together, celebrate all the major events together and generally are very close to. The lady in the couple is also a high earner and she works for the same company as my friend's husband. So the "best couple " lady has just had her 3rd baby (roughly 3 months ago), same sex as my friend's DC (yep, that's where its going) and my friend has obviously been delighted, supportive and generally very involved... and so has her DH. My friend is driving herself mad because the new baby has an uncanny resemblance to her DC and her DH. She has been digging a little in her DH phone and did find flirty messages and very caring messages between those 2, but nothing more.... and on top of that her DH is getting a massive severance from his job, so he literally never has to work again. She is scared to ask questions, and I am advising her to seek legal advice, just in case she might find out that not only her DH has been cheating on her, but also is responsible for another child out there. I think that forewarned is forearmed.

toocold54 · 26/09/2021 14:50

Let’s look at this objectively.

Friend of friend has a baby, with her husband. Apparently friend’s husband took 3 weeks off work to help said couple with the baby, you don’t think the husband of this baby’s mother would have wondered what that was about?

Then the friend imagines that this baby looks like her DH, presumably because she’s jumped to all manner of conclusions following her DH taking time off work, and instead of telling her to slow down, and to be realistic, you’re telling her to see a solicitor?

Exactly what do you think a solicitor is going to tell her?

There is 0 way of proving this baby is her dh’s, assuming it is which is highly doubtful.

As they’re married she will be entitled to half the assets, possibly more or less depending on residency of their child.

Clearly there is more to this as the friend clearly doesn’t trust her dh. You don’t just suddenly decide that your dh, to who you are happily married, fathered a child with a woman who is still married and that the husband is oblivious to this fact?

Come on.

I completely agree.

Getyourownback · 26/09/2021 16:28

Sorry, those ‘flirty’ messages she found actually involved the words I can come over later ?!?!?!

Well, that sounds like they were definitely having an affair then, doesn’t it? Flirty messages are one thing, but that’s arrangements to meet, presumably for a shag.

I’d be advising her to seek a lawyer to take her borderline abusive husband (what the fuck was the warm shirt thing about?!) to the absolute cleaners. She could have a very nice life with half of that fuck-off severance pay. And as her kid is still young, I’m assuming she is so plenty of them to start again.

ChequerBoard · 26/09/2021 16:31

"Sorry, those ‘flirty’ messages she found actually involved the words I can come over later ?!?!?"

I can think a million different contexts where 'I can come over later' isn't in the least bit flirty. It's a quite normal thing to say if you're going to go and see a good friend later.

Bloody hell, I've had tradesmen message me the same thing - were they flirting and I never knew?!?

Batshit comment.

HeartsAndClubs · 26/09/2021 18:16

The taking 3 weeks off and being utterly hands on and the cutesy messages of it's not been a physical affair it screams of currently being an emotional affair at the moment. bullshit. He took three weeks off to help “the couple”. For all you know it’s the man who is struggling right now. Maybe he has MH issues, maybe she’s struggling because of that. Maybe as a couple they’re finding it to cope because he has MH issues.

As much as people seem to want this to be a soap opera the idea that a woman thinking that a baby looks like her husband should lead to thinking he’s spawned. Love child under his friend’s nose and not only that, but he took time off to help out with said love child and his friend, the father, hasn’t batted an eyelid is totally batshit.

Theredjellybean · 26/09/2021 18:24

Sorry but really.. Which high flying, over achieving self centred man, who has his wife get up to provide him with a warmly ironed shirt.. Takes three weeks off to help a friend with their new baby???
, that is beyond wierd....
I'd be asking questions especially given the txts as well.

Original poster

thecatmother · 26/09/2021 18:41

@Getyourownback

Sorry, those ‘flirty’ messages she found actually involved the words I can come over later ?!?!?!

Well, that sounds like they were definitely having an affair then, doesn’t it? Flirty messages are one thing, but that’s arrangements to meet, presumably for a shag.

I’d be advising her to seek a lawyer to take her borderline abusive husband (what the fuck was the warm shirt thing about?!) to the absolute cleaners. She could have a very nice life with half of that fuck-off severance pay. And as her kid is still young, I’m assuming she is so plenty of them to start again.

All in the context , I would like to add

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HeartsAndClubs · 26/09/2021 18:44

I sincerely doubt that’s what’s actually happened.

Take the wife out of the picture for a second. A woman, who is married, has a baby, and she says to her husband, “oh, John has taken 3 weeks off to help me out.” You really think that a husband would be on board with that? Seriously?

I suspect this actually has something to do with the husband than the person the OP suspects is the OW. But whatever it is is personal and they don’t want anyone, including the OP’s friend, to know about it.

While it could be said that no man in his right mind would be taking time off to look after someone else’s baby, it’s fair to say that no man in his right mind would be happy about another man taking 3 weeks off to help his wife with their baby. Not a chance.

ShuddaBeenMe · 26/09/2021 18:49

She needs to just ask him

Original poster

thecatmother · 26/09/2021 19:32

@HeartsAndClubs

I sincerely doubt that’s what’s actually happened.

Take the wife out of the picture for a second. A woman, who is married, has a baby, and she says to her husband, “oh, John has taken 3 weeks off to help me out.” You really think that a husband would be on board with that? Seriously?

I suspect this actually has something to do with the husband than the person the OP suspects is the OW. But whatever it is is personal and they don’t want anyone, including the OP’s friend, to know about it.

While it could be said that no man in his right mind would be taking time off to look after someone else’s baby, it’s fair to say that no man in his right mind would be happy about another man taking 3 weeks off to help his wife with their baby. Not a chance.

Well... the 3 weeks leave, was originally just 1 week, to settle their DC into the reception. And as the " best couple " lady also has school aged children it "made sense " to extend. Only he had spent it with the friend, rather then his family

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ChequerBoard · 26/09/2021 20:09

"Well... the 3 weeks leave, was originally just 1 week, to settle their DC into the reception. And as the " best couple " lady also has school aged children it "made sense " to extend. Only he had spent it with
the friend, rather then his family"

Right so he actually took leave to help settle his own DC into school? And then extended it to help out his close friends?

What's going on with you OP, what's your role in this scenario? You seem determined to twist things to paint the DHs behaviour as suspicious when it really doesn't seem like he's done much wrong other than try to be present for his own family and his friends?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 26/09/2021 20:56

@PegasusReturns

Taking three weeks off is indicative of the baby being his

This, all day with knobs on.

Who is the driver of this couple being their besties?

And yes, babies can and do often look like their fathers for those who are doubting. My DD was the absolute spit of he father to a disconcerting degree from the day she was born. Not just looks but facial expressions, everything. It was weird.

Original poster

thecatmother · 26/09/2021 21:24

@ChequerBoard

"Well... the 3 weeks leave, was originally just 1 week, to settle their DC into the reception. And as the " best couple " lady also has school aged children it "made sense " to extend. Only he had spent it with the friend, rather then his family"

Right so he actually took leave to help settle his own DC into school? And then extended it to help out his close friends?

What's going on with you OP, what's your role in this scenario? You seem determined to twist things to paint the DHs behaviour as suspicious when it really doesn't seem like he's done much wrong other than try to be present for his own family and his friends?

🤣🤣🤣🤣I am the person who sees it like it is. No excuses, no explanation. And that is why I need your opinions!

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UndertheCedartree · 26/09/2021 21:49

Really surprised with people saying babies resemble noone. My DS looked identical as a newborn to his dad as a newborn. My nephew had a baby but at the time of the birth wasn't sure if the baby was his. When the baby was born he was the spitting image of my nephew! We all knew then it was his baby, after DNA it was confirmed it was his.

Original poster

thecatmother · 28/10/2021 14:18

Unfortunately the new baby is my friend's DH's child. The whole truth came out as the husband of the "best couple " started having doubts and asking questions. The mother confessed, the paternity test had confirmed.
My friend is amazing and strong, she has found a 30 hr/wk job already. Her husband has moved out and sees their child 1 night a week. He has lost a lot of weight and just became a shadow of his former cocky self. He is still in contact with the mother of his new baby. However she is still with her husband, so good luck to them.
My friend is re-evaluating her life and taking it easy.

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Donotgogentle · 28/10/2021 14:32

Blimey - your poor friend.

At least she can stop being a domestic serf.

Original poster

thecatmother · 28/10/2021 14:39

@Donotgogentle

Blimey - your poor friend.

At least she can stop being a domestic serf.

She has been so strong, I'm so proud of her. I think when she told me initially about her suspicions she had already started seeing him without the "perfect husband" filter and was keeping up the appearances for the outside world.

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Hobnobswantshernameback · 28/10/2021 14:46

Well that escalated quickly

Capferret · 28/10/2021 14:55

Thanks for updating.
Well done to your friend for getting a job and being generally amazing. (And following her instincts).

LittleOwl153 · 28/10/2021 14:56

Yes she will need legal advice to get her hands on 50% of the severance pay won't she...

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/10/2021 14:57

I think with babies you see what you expect to see. I have a granddaughter who is 4 months old and I think she looks very like my DS but I saw a picture of her Mum at the same age and actually my granddaughter looks very like her Mum at the same age. I saw my DS in her because that's what I was expecting to see.

So if you friend is suspicious then she will likely see similarities with her DH even if the baby is not his.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 28/10/2021 14:59

Sorry, didn't RTFT. Good luck to your friend, what an arse her H is.

Original poster

thecatmother · 28/10/2021 15:04

@LittleOwl153

Yes she will need legal advice to get her hands on 50% of the severance pay won't she...

That's actually sorted: a small flat to be purchased and put in their DC's name.

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User527294627 · 28/10/2021 15:11

I know this is not the point of this thread, but what kind of severance package is so generous you never have to work again 🤔

FlowerArranger · 28/10/2021 15:17

Wow! Your friend is moving fast. Especially considering she was a SAHM who had to come to you for marital advice.

Paternity test, husband has moved out, she has a job (after not having worked for years!), AND a flat purchase is well under way.

All within ONE month !!!

I have to give it to your friend, she sure doesn't let the grass grow under her feet

Original poster

thecatmother · 28/10/2021 15:20

@User527294627

I know this is not the point of this thread, but what kind of severance package is so generous you never have to work again 🤔

I know! The "D"H is a director in a big company, his yearly income around 350k ,and the package is reflective of that.

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