Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Nobody’s taking my allergy seriously?

73 replies

Littlehaven998 · 25/09/2021 16:50

Three weeks ago I had a severe reaction while out at a restaurant, I had no previous allergies I knew of and the food was one I’d eaten before. I went into anaphylaxis and stopped breathing within 10 minutes of eating, and spent days in hospital on oxygen struggling for breath, swollen face so bad I couldn’t open my eyes. I was referred for urgent allergy testing and it came back I’m severely allergic to Peanut despite having peanut several times before. It’s come on, quickly but that can happen. The allergist said I’ll be heightened to peanut for a while. I have epi pens.

My AIBU is that nobody seems to be taking it seriously. A friend came round with a surprise takeaway the other night on way home from work, didn’t ask her too, she brought five guys cooked in peanut oil! Was unwrapping on the side before I had to stop her, and she had to sanitise the side etc. She knew about my allergy.

My mum came to visit last night with a bottle of wine and brought peanut and cashew mix, and again was tipping them into a bowl before I had to say and remind her again.

It also doesn’t help that my DP thinks I’m being overreacting, as does my parents and I should just “relax”. Though stopping breathing was terrifying to me.

AIBU to not know how to enforce this? My work are being great with peanut free office but family/friends not so much. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

SpindleWorld · 25/09/2021 16:51

They're twats.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 25/09/2021 16:52

what idiots. Just give it to them straight, this is serious, take it seriously or get out of my life

SylvanasWindrunner · 25/09/2021 16:53

Gobsmacked, OP! I can understand forgetting and then being mortified when they realised, but it seems like they don't really care that they could kill you?! YANBU - I'm shocked that after seeing their partner/daughter in hospital having stopped breathing that they could be so cavalier.

How can you overreact to anaphylaxis? It could kill you. It seems like just the right thing to react drastically about!

Original poster

Littlehaven998 · 25/09/2021 16:55

They seem to think it’s because I’m not eating it? But we have zero idea if it’s airborne and also the dust etc can get on the sides.

I’m the first in our family to have such a severe allergy and because it’s not a childhood one, it’s almost as if they can’t get their head around it! DP for example doesn’t see why he can’t have a snickers in the car that I also use?! I’m just so infuriated at their nonchalance.

OP posts:

Dinoroaraus · 25/09/2021 16:56

It's like they are trying to kill you!

Porcupineintherough · 25/09/2021 17:02

YABU to think that people will remember or think about this. You will need to enforce and remind consistently and to check and double check food. Sorry but that's just the way it is and no one except those w serious allergies themselves, or those who have children with serious allergies, will get you at all.

Dont worry though, it will soon become second nature.

Simonjt · 25/09/2021 17:02

Sadly a lot of people don’t take allergies seriously, or just don’t understand how sensitive some sufferers are.

I have a severe kiwi allergy, as a result I also have a moderat strawberry allergy, people often think they can just pick an allergen off a meal and thats good enough, or they think you have to actually eat it. I remind people by saying “if you can smell it, that means some of it is in your nose”.

Maybe they would benefit from going on an autoinjector first aid course?

Dinoroaraus · 25/09/2021 17:06

I cam under stand the burger if the allergy is new but bringing a bag of peanuts is just stupid/malice.

Shelddd · 25/09/2021 17:09

I get the incident with your friend, it's still not okay but I get it.

But your mum, yeah I'd be really mad about that. She should be the next most careful person after your partner.

Also your partner, he should be as upset (or more) as you are.

But as already said you gotta be extra careful and double check everything, always assume everything has peanut in it until you confirm it doesn't.

AntiSocialDistancer · 25/09/2021 17:12

I have a friend with a peanut allergy, some people really do treat it very poorly.

I'm so sorry. A new chapter of distrust begins now. When I learnt to drive my Dad told me to assume everyone else on the road is an idiot. I suggest you start viewing everyone the same way regarding food, ans for the your life.

I'm very good, if I remember my friend has a nut allergy. I panic about the day she comes over and it falls out of my head but a sensible person would never ever be offended if you remind them or confirm.

WheelieBinPrincess · 25/09/2021 17:17

That just seems totally unbelievable of your mum.

mbosnz · 25/09/2021 17:20

I really feel for you.

Your Mum and your DP should be taking this extremely seriously. Everyone around you, should be doing so.

We knew a guy, who yes, to be fair, he was well meaning, but extremely irritating. I did my nut when someone removed the sign saying a dish at a buffet contained nuts, when he had a life threatening allergy, as 'a bit of a joke'.

These things are serious. They are not funny. Being left unable to breathe, not knowing if you're ever going to take another breath, is terrifying.

Bobsyer · 25/09/2021 17:21

I can just about forgive your friend that she forgot - only because Five Guys is £££ and with so many other options why choose that?

But your parents? What is their problem? Seriously. What do they not understand about life threatening?

Bobsyer · 25/09/2021 17:22

Sorry I read DP as parents - your partner isn’t taking it seriously?! Is he generally an uncaring idiot?

I would go ballistic. Absolutely ballistic.

Antinerak · 25/09/2021 17:22

As with most health conditions, people who don't suffer with them very rarely understand/care about them. You'll need to keep reminding everyone and make sure they're aware of exactly what to do to keep you safe.

aloris · 25/09/2021 17:22

Welcome to the allergy world. If you are from a family that usually eats a lot of peanuts, it's going to take some time for your family culture to accommodate to your allergy. You need to decide on some boundaries and enforce those rigorously to create a safe place for yourself. In my home, the boundary is no nuts are allowed to be eaten in my home. If a guest brings granola bars, they are welcome to eat them on the patio but not inside the house. If someone comes to see me, I ask them to plan to eat what I've prepared, otherwise we can meet outside of my home where I can bring my own food and they can buy food that works for them.

Try to be forgiving about this, it's really hard for people to get into the habit of treating food like a hazard. Even for my own child, once he outgrew a particular allergy, I reverted to being completely unaware of which foods contained that allergen, almost within weeks. It will take time for your family and friends to get used to this. In the meantime, you need to think carefully about how to protect yourself by creating resilient boundaries that don't depend on other people remembering you are deathly allergic to peanuts.

Nuts are a strange allergy because they persist for a long time at normal room temperatures. There have been studies done showing that if you smear peanut butter on a surface, it will still have allergenic protein many months later. So it is very important for you to control when peanuts enter your home so that you do not accumulate peanut dust in your home, or touch peanut butter that is smeared on the underside of your kitchen table, etcetera. Peanuts should also never be cooked when you are in the vicinity because it can aerosolise and you can inhale the aerosol. Don't feel guilty about enforcing those boundaries. Your life matters.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 25/09/2021 17:26

Sorry about your allergy OP. I've been allergic to nuts my whole life, and it would be outing if I told you of some of the many ways that my family and friends have tried to kill me with nuts. I can't understand it, and they are none of them thoughtless in other regards, but it's a blind spot, so I advise you to get used to it and try not to take it too personally

Deux · 25/09/2021 17:28

Goodness. I hate to say it but I’m not surprised. My Ds has a peanut allergy and my in-laws have continually “forgotten”, “does he still have that?” Not unusual to go there and a bowl of peanuts out. I’m afraid I don’t understand it, it’s not a difficult thing to remember once told.

Some people are just self obsessed though. Your DP should really be stepping up though and your mum. They’ve got no excuse unless they have impaired IQ.

Next time ask them if they are trying to kill you. Your DP should know how to use your EpiPens. You can get training pens.

MockneyReject · 25/09/2021 17:28

Do you have a photo of the effect? Of your swollen face? You hooked up to medical equipment.
It seems like it's not real to them. If you can, show them.

SparklingLime · 25/09/2021 17:29

This doesn’t answer your issue directly, but there is loads of good info here:
www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/

Mymapuddlington · 25/09/2021 17:31

I would ask them if they’d like you to be on hospital on a ventilator?
If they offer epi pens out to everyone?

Ok it might take them some getting used to in an ‘omg I’m so sorry I didn’t check, best throw it’ kind of way but they’re taking the piss.

Original poster

Littlehaven998 · 25/09/2021 17:33

Yes, we have photos it really was horrendous. Face was easily 3 times the size and I’ve only just the past week been able to see a computer screen properly again!

I think it’s forgetfulness more than actual malice, however it only takes one moment to forget for something awful to happen. I understand I cannot police others houses or eating habits, and wouldn’t dream of it- but ultimately I’m going to have to live in at least a completely peanut free household.

OP posts:

WheelieBinPrincess · 25/09/2021 17:33

Who was with you when you literally stopped breathing in a restaurant? If you were near dead in a restaurant (you’d have needed resuscitation before the ambulance reached you presumably?) I find it incredible you are not being taken more seriously.

StanVic49 · 25/09/2021 17:34

You are far from unreasonable.
My close family live the devastation that allergic reactions can cause and whether mild or severe, they should be respected. Please ask friends, family to take the time to educate themselves as it could quite literally save lives.

Original poster

Littlehaven998 · 25/09/2021 17:40

@WheelieBinPrincess

I was out with a friend, yes I was put in the recovery position by restaurant staff and luckily the ambulance came within three minutes. Friend called my family but they weren’t allowed in hospital with me until a few days later when I was moved from a Majors ward to an assessment one. By that point, my face had reduced significantly thanks to adrenaline, but was still horrendous elephant man looking.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3