Nobody’s taking my allergy seriously?

[Littlehaven998]

Three weeks ago I had a severe reaction while out at a restaurant, I had no previous allergies I knew of and the food was one I’d eaten before. I went into anaphylaxis and stopped breathing within 10 minutes of eating, and spent days in hospital on oxygen struggling for breath, swollen face so bad I couldn’t open my eyes. I was referred for urgent allergy testing and it came back I’m severely allergic to Peanut despite having peanut several times before. It’s come on, quickly but that can happen. The allergist said I’ll be heightened to peanut for a while. I have epi pens.

My AIBU is that nobody seems to be taking it seriously. A friend came round with a surprise takeaway the other night on way home from work, didn’t ask her too, she brought five guys cooked in peanut oil! Was unwrapping on the side before I had to stop her, and she had to sanitise the side etc. She knew about my allergy.

My mum came to visit last night with a bottle of wine and brought peanut and cashew mix, and again was tipping them into a bowl before I had to say and remind her again.

It also doesn’t help that my DP thinks I’m being overreacting, as does my parents and I should just “relax”. Though stopping breathing was terrifying to me.

AIBU to not know how to enforce this? My work are being great with peanut free office but family/friends not so much. Am I overreacting?

Your family and friends don't care about keeping you alive?

My DD and I 'only' have an oral allergy to nuts and everyone in our lives who has been told is always conscious and double checks.

God I am fucking gobsmacked by this. My little boy has a peanut allergy and I won't even have things in the house that "may" contain nuts.

Send them a group WhatsApp asking if they want you to die. And if they don't then tell them to stop endangering your life.

@Littlehaven998

Three weeks ago I had a severe reaction while out at a restaurant, I had no previous allergies I knew of and the food was one I’d eaten before. I went into anaphylaxis and stopped breathing within 10 minutes of eating, and spent days in hospital on oxygen struggling for breath, swollen face so bad I couldn’t open my eyes. I was referred for urgent allergy testing and it came back I’m severely allergic to Peanut despite having peanut several times before. It’s come on, quickly but that can happen. The allergist said I’ll be heightened to peanut for a while. I have epi pens.

My AIBU is that nobody seems to be taking it seriously. A friend came round with a surprise takeaway the other night on way home from work, didn’t ask her too, she brought five guys cooked in peanut oil! Was unwrapping on the side before I had to stop her, and she had to sanitise the side etc. She knew about my allergy.

My mum came to visit last night with a bottle of wine and brought peanut and cashew mix, and again was tipping them into a bowl before I had to say and remind her again.

It also doesn’t help that my DP thinks I’m being overreacting, as does my parents and I should just “relax”. Though stopping breathing was terrifying to me.

AIBU to not know how to enforce this? My work are being great with peanut free office but family/friends not so much. Am I overreacting?

Absolutely not overreacting at all this is very serious and I’m shocked your friends and family have been so relaxed about it. Having said that my son has a peanut allergy so it’s a big one for me! True anaphylaxis is uncommon so you really did dodge a bullet especially considering you weren’t carrying epi pens at the time!

My BIL has a severe peanut allergy. He is coming to my child's birthday this weekend and I'm making a brownie cake... I spent £17 on nut free chocolate instead of cheap aldi chocolate for £9. I don't want to kill him so I consider him in everything that I cook or make for him.

They're arseholes....

My DD has a peanut allergy (among others) and it’s incredibly hard when dealing with other people.

Most of my friends and family know well enough now how we work.

We have a nut free home - if other people are not happy to be supportive of this then they are not welcome. This is my daughters safe place and it’s important that we reinforce this. You need to feel safe in your own home.

When we visit friends and family we ask them not to eat / open nuts. Again, if they are not supportive of this then we don’t go. Simple.

I can imagine you are feeling really vulnerable just now - you do get used to reading labels etc.

Just to say because you mentioned takeaway - we were advised by consultant to always avoid chinese / Indian / Thai etc as they use a lot of peanuts in their cooking and the risk of cross contamination is really high.

PM me if you have any questions - if you are on Facebook I highly recommend you join the Nutfreeliving Food Guide and look at the Nutfreeliving marketplace online. The guide documents hundreds of nut free treats. None of which are even a “may contain” and the market place sells nut safe foods too.

Sorry I didn’t answer your question - no you are not over reacting at all! You’ve had a very serious reaction where your life was at risk. I can’t believe that your mum in particular hasn’t been scared by this.

You'll need to be vigilant for yourself for the rest of your life.

DH has a life threatening mushroom allergy. We have to be so careful because all the green industries are trying to use mushrooms as base material for all sorts of things including packaging materials, vegan leather, and soaps -- and there's NO requirement to label this. I don't know what we're going to do.

Your family and own partner are doing something that could easily kill you, and you are asking if you're being unreasonable to be pissed off about it? I would be seriously considering my relationship if my partner didn't try not to do something that could kill me! Why is his snickers more important than your life!?
We eat loads of nuts in our house but I make sure I never give my kids anything with nuts on for breakfast as I know some kids in school have severe allergies and we havent been told who so it could be one of their good friends. Because its not worth killing someone else for a bloody peanut.

Welcome to the wonderful world of allergies.

There's been loads of threads over the years where allergies have been minimised because they can no longer have that item in their workplace, school etc.

If my partner thought I was over reacting to something that put me in hospital I would not only be giving them the riot act, but it would also make me question the relationship.

As for the school I would have gone down the official complaints. When I was in school, food tech lessons would be adjusted and recipes made that didn't include allergens for those lessons if someone was allergic. When I was working in a school and those things were used, I'd swap with another member of staff. Reasonable adjustments and all that.

I’m so sorry OP.
People are twats.

I have a 7yo with a severe peanut allergy. I have friends who have brought a jar of peanut butter to cafes with them because their kids “love it on toast”, and always arrive at picnics with peanut butter sandwiches. They don’t make the kids sit still to eat and they don’t wash their hands. I have pointed out that my child could go on the swing after theirs and end up accidentally ingesting a trace of peanut. I think some people are just twats about allergies?? (I now avoid meeting those friends with kids).

And my DP also minimises it. It’s scary, and it’s easier to believe other people are overreacting. He has since seen her have a massive full body hives reaction to cinema popcorn (ingredients: corn, vegetable oil. In reality obviously cooked in crude groundnut oil) so is a bit better.

The other thing I say is “I know it may seem unlikely DC will come into contact with it or eat it but as you can imagine it makes very anxious so can you not eat it around her, thanks”. This might work for you, too...

@earthyfire I had something similar and i went in to school and made it very clear that if they didn't start taking the risk seriously they could face prosecution of anything happened. They now to a risk assessment for all food activities. It is astonishing how cavalier some schools are.

I took in pictures of some of the children who have died in schools of allergic reactions. That got them listening.

People are fucking weird about allergies. I've had the same reaction as you to peanuts since I was 3 years old and still people think it's a joke. Albeit those people not being my mum and boyfriend who are absolutely manic about keeping nuts away from me. Your mum and boyfriend should be ashamed of themselves.

People are fucking weird about allergies

Yup, the ones who "don't believe in them". They are arseholes.

I've remembered an incident with my other DC who has a fruit allergy. I filled in the allergy form but got a phone call saying DC had pointed out the fruit bag contained the allergy fruit and where was the form? At the office I imagine. I then got a very apologetic call saying I needed to speak to them afterschool and they'd keep the bag for me. Lo and behold the fruit bag had an allergy warning sticker on it clearly marking it out for DC. The fruit bag ONLY contained the fruit DC was allergic too. Fortunately DC was old enough to know but the school did crap themselves about the mistake and have been hyper vigilant since.

It’s horrifying when people react to being told of a severe allergy by undermining and minimising the issue or trying to “prove” it’s fake. It must be even worse when this is coming from those closest to you. I get that it can be difficult at first to understand how dangerous peanut allergies can be because it’s not just about not eating them it can be aerosolised. You need to keep reinforcing that it could literally kill you so you can’t take any risks. My friend died because a takeaway place failed to disclose the use of peanut oil in some dishes. No one should die because people can’t take care or don’t bother to understand how dangerous it is! Once you’ve experienced a serious anaphylactic response, the likelihood if a serious reaction to further exposure is very high.

I’m so sorry- how frightening for you! I think you will need to educate your parents etc and explain how to use an epipen etc and really go into detail etc- ultimately though it will be down to you to check and check again- and not take people’s word for it that there’s no nuts in something.My GD has an allergy to milk- I read everything before it is given to her -inc hand soap or shampoo which can also contain milk.she got ill when at two different nurseries as they assumed milk allergy meant intolerance!

@AntiSocialDistancer

I have a friend with a peanut allergy, some people really do treat it very poorly.

I'm so sorry. A new chapter of distrust begins now. When I learnt to drive my Dad told me to assume everyone else on the road is an idiot. I suggest you start viewing everyone the same way regarding food, ans for the your life.

I'm very good, if I remember my friend has a nut allergy. I panic about the day she comes over and it falls out of my head but a sensible person would never ever be offended if you remind them or confirm.

That’s what I do too, pretend everyone on the road is an idiot :)

I think this is right, OP. Whilst I wouldn't trust them by eating any food they cook etc, I wouldn’t be letting them off the hook.

The next time they do this, get up, and leave the room/house/restaurant. They won’t learn until you enforce that you mean it, this is your life/health at stake.

I feel for you and empathise greatly. I am in the no man's land of gluten intolerance. Ive been told, Im fussy, it's a fad etc. Nobody seems to take it seriously. I just tell people noone in their right mind would voluntarily go gluten-free. I am horrified that your family and friends are not taking your allergy seriously. They need to be educated and prompted or they will put you in hospital. Mind you, people don't care about food allergies, till it happens to them. They also don't realise you can take an allergy to anything at any time. Please keep reminding them that food allergies are real and can kill. Did they not read about the poor girl and the Pret sandwich?
.

My son had a childhood friend with a peanut allergy. The friend came to his birthday party. I had food clearly labelled as nut free. I didn't serve anything with overt nut but I learnt how few things were sold without some sort of nut warning. I did manage to get some guaranteed peanut free food. I was terrified of killing the kid. The boy was actually very sensible and asked about the hot sausage rolls which werent safe. I can't understand how your partner and family are so uncaring.

Oh dear, I didn't realise your partner is also not accepting of your allergy. That is a deal-breaker for the relationship, in my opinion. You will have to sit down and have a talk with him about boundaries within the home. Your home needs to be peanut-free. Your car needs to be peanut-free. Your food needs to be peanut-free. This means that if his/your family are unwilling/unable to keep the food/environment peanut-free when you are around, then your social life with them will be curtailed.

It's your life so you have to be very firm about those boundaries. If he cannot maintain those boundaries then you cannot live together.

I would not spend a lot of effort trying to figure out if you are allergic to ingestion or contact only. If your heart stopped then you are extremely allergic. Your future needs to be zero tolerance for peanut. I know people with peanut allergies who won't even walk past the door of a Five Guys restaurant.

Just to add, in case the OP has come back and is reading the responses - her partner also should not be eating nuts if he wants to be able to kiss you.

I feel for you OP. My daughter has Coeliac disease and people are the same with that. They are especially rubbish when it comes to cross contamination.
Over the last few years I have come to the conclusion that most people are only bothered about themselves.
Sadly the whole “think of others before yourself” time is long gone - it’s all “ because I’M worth it” now.

@rhowton

My BIL has a severe peanut allergy. He is coming to my child's birthday this weekend and I'm making a brownie cake... I spent £17 on nut free chocolate instead of cheap aldi chocolate for £9. I don't want to kill him so I consider him in everything that I cook or make for him.

They're arseholes....

I wish more people were like you. Sadly it’s very expensive if you have an allergy/Coeliac disease. My daughter has Coeliac disease and because we have struggled with cross contamination (it’s very hard to avoid unless you have a giant kitchen) we have mainly gluten free food at home for all of us. It’s a very considerable cost for us, and sadly not just a one off for a visitor but an expense every single day. It’s the same for all families with allergies or Coeliac disease - the cost is considerable.