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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is he stupid or selfish?

52 replies

Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:00

Really really hard week with toddler Dd, 3, Dp knows this. On two of the nights he went to a friends until 1 am, I’ve barely slept and Dd is going through a very difficult phase.
This morning she wakes at 7, he gets up, goes down to the toilet, is sat on the computer and doesn’t come to get her. I’m drifting in and out of sleep, she’s talking and talking, so I bring her down at 8.30 and start doing her breakfast. He comes in and I say to him that he was awake anyway, why couldn’t he come to get her. He goes mad about me coming down in a bad mood! Why couldn’t he come and get her if he was up?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 25/09/2021 09:03

Are you saying that your daughter is awake through the night?

Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:05

@Mamamia7962 She mainly sleeps through now, but a hard week with her behaviour wise, she was awake at 7, but I was shattered. We (supposedly) take it in turns to have a lie in

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/09/2021 09:06

Both. Selfish not to tell you to have a lie in while he has a morning with his child. Stupid to think being this selfish will end well.

Go back to bed.

Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:07

Dp never lies in, as soon as he’s awake, he’s up. He always leaves her for ages with me (she sleeps in our bed sometimes) so I never get a lie in, whilst he’s just downstairs on the computer, why didn’t he get her and let me lie in, especially when he knows how hard the weeks been

OP posts:
Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:09

@Mamamia7962 I was awake on two nights as Dp went out and came in late, the lack of sleep and DD’s difficult behaviour has been a hard week

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 09:09

Well he’s not going to change now.
Do you work, does he work ?
Do you consider having another child with him ?

Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:13

@GoodnightGrandma He works, I worked all my life until having Dd, I’m home with her at the moment, but as much as I love her, she’s harder work than when I went to work, I need a break too

OP posts:
Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:14

@GoodnightGrandma Can’t have anymore children, but probably wouldn’t anyway as life would be so hard

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 09:14

Time for her to go into nursery while you get to go to work then. Time for you to be ‘you’ again.

Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:15

@GoodnightGrandma She’s going next September

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 25/09/2021 09:15

Can you not just say to him the night before, if daughter wakes up early can he take her downstairs with him so that you can have a lie in. If she's 3, can she go downstairs by herself and find him?

Suitcaseseverywhere · 25/09/2021 09:15

I would’ve texted him to come and get her so I didn’t have to get out of bed.

GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 09:16

Next September is a long way away.
Do you have any play groups near you ? Do you get a break from her at all ?

Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:16

@Mamamia7962 Not quite yet, the stairs are steep so I take her down

OP posts:
Original poster
Floogalsagain · 25/09/2021 09:17

@GoodnightGrandma We go out with friends for play dates etc, I get a break every other night when he puts her to bed

OP posts:
BraveGoldie · 25/09/2021 09:18

He sounds pretty useless OP. Does he ever spend time alone with your DD actually looking after her?

Mamamia7962 · 25/09/2021 09:18

Won't she be starting school next September? I'd put her in pre-school now, maybe she needs that.

Suitcaseseverywhere · 25/09/2021 09:19

At 3 isn’t she at a nursery?

GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 09:19

I mean a break where you can do something for yourself with no child.
Go to the gym ? Go for a child free mooch around the shops ?
Are you ever on your own without her ?

Ambo21 · 25/09/2021 09:19

So you have a conversation with the other adult in your household and you AGREE IN ADVANCE what morning next weekend YOU are having a long lie.. and that is the morning he takes HIS daughter and lets you sleep.. then wakes you gently with a cup of coffee at 9am or 10am or whatever time you have AGREED on..
Its all about clear expectation and communication..
And this can happen every weekend going forward...

GoodnightGrandma · 25/09/2021 09:20

Mine were all ready for play school at 2. They need to learn some independence before school.

Workinghardeveryday · 25/09/2021 09:20

He is being very selfish and obviously couldn’t be arsed with her and thought you can do it.

Maybe he sees it as your job because you aren’t working? Maybe he thinks you’re cheeky for expecting a lie in when you don’t work? Maybe he thinks you don’t do enough around the house or something and is resentful - or maybe he is just a selfish prick?

He’s bang out of order. I would have been livid!!

Blinkingheckythump · 25/09/2021 09:20

I don't understand why you didn't tell him to take her when he went or why you didn't take her down then go back to bed. He was being selfish but you didn't help yourself either

Blinkingheckythump · 25/09/2021 09:21

You get free hours from age 3, why don't you use them

MrsRobbieHart · 25/09/2021 09:22

Time to put your foot down OP. Remind him what the agreement is, he gets up with her one weekend morning, you get up the other. Remind him which day is his (Saturday presumably?) and tell him he needs to get up with her as soon as she wakes, regardless of which bed she is sleeping in and take her downstairs and feed her breakfast.