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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend wants to see me more,aibu?

76 replies

ainpynn · 23/09/2021 21:48

Been together 3 months now.
I see him 2/3 times a week and he stays at mine.
I'm happy with that but he says it's not enough.
The thing is I need my own space a few nights and I'm happy as it is.

For example Saturday night he is at work till around 9 pm and wants to come over after work (which will be half 9 ) but I want to go out for drinks with a friend and il be staying at hers.

Do I just give in and let him stay when he likes?
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2021 21:51

Do I just give in and let him stay when he likes?

Why on earth would you do that if that's not what you want to do? You are allowed a life outside of the time you share with him, and if he isn't happy with that, show him the door.

Shelddd · 23/09/2021 21:52

No, it's 3 months in live your life. There is time for compromise in a relationship but it's not 3 months in.

Pantsomime · 23/09/2021 21:52

Why would you “give in?” If you want to see him do, it shouldn’t be reluctant.from your post I’d tell him 2/3 nights is enough for you for now and if he huffs and puffs tough

DelphiniumBlue · 23/09/2021 21:56

He wants you to cancel a night out when he's not even available until 9.30? Not really putting you first, is it? He's got a cheek even asking, does he expect you to sit there twiddling your thumbs waiting for him?

Unanananana · 23/09/2021 21:56

No. Don't give in. Do as you please. You do not need to bend to his whim.

Three months in and he's pulling this controlling shit? Put him in the bin.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/09/2021 21:57

Huh? Why would you put what he wants above what you want? It’s your life. Spend it how you want to! If you’re not compatible then please move on instead of compromising yourself and what you need.

SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk · 23/09/2021 22:00

No you don't 'give in'.

FOJN · 23/09/2021 22:00

Do I just give in and let him stay when he likes?

No and I'd get rid of anyone who expected me to give up Saturday evenings socialising with friends so they could see me after 9pm when they finished work.

2 - 3 times a week seems fine for a 3 month relationship.

Does he seem clingy/demanding in other ways?

Shoxfordian · 23/09/2021 22:01

Nope; go out with your friend
Doesn’t sound like he’s the one for you

Original poster
ainpynn · 23/09/2021 22:02

He likes lots of attention.
I've planned a nice night away next Sunday and paid for a hotel for us.
I'm seeing him this Sunday and he is staying over and then again Thursday.

I just want a few days to myself to do my own thing.
I do like him but I feel like if he keeps moaning about me doing things ..it's gonna put me off him.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 23/09/2021 22:03

Another is confused as to why you think that you should consider cancelling something you've arranged with friends Confused

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 23/09/2021 22:04

I'd run like the fucking wind. Hate clingers

Embracelife · 23/09/2021 22:05

Con trolling.
Don't give in.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 23/09/2021 22:05

Fuck no
It's not enough for him? Well then he can walk away can't he? Don't be harassed into having some bloke you've been with 5 minutes try to get his feet under your table!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 23/09/2021 22:08

It SHOULD put you off him
These are warning signs.
Ignore them at your peril.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2021 22:08

He shouldn't be moaning about you doing things without him at all. This doesn't bode well. Get rid.

Original poster
ainpynn · 23/09/2021 22:09

Il be honest this week I probably haven't been the best GF
Sunday we went out for a meal
And Tuesday he cooked tea
Tonight I went to the cinema with friends and tomorrow and Saturday I'm doing stuff too with friends.
Sunday I've told him il treat him to Sunday lunch .

It's because he said he would come over Saturday after work and then my friend asked me to go out ...so that's what's annoyed him.

OP posts:
NotYourCupOfTea · 23/09/2021 22:10

You’re not compatible - he doesn’t sound great
I wouldn’t waste another 3 months with him

Branleuse · 23/09/2021 22:14

its 3 months. You see him quite regularly, but its perfectly ok and normal to want your own space and to see your friends too. If hes being weird about that 3 months in then id see that as an issue

Coyoacan · 23/09/2021 22:15

Do ever start cancelling your friends to please a boyfriend. I speak from experience as I did and then he expected to cancel them every time and if I didn't, he took it as a sign that I no longer loved him

LawnFever · 23/09/2021 22:23

Il be honest this week I probably haven't been the best GF

Eh? There’s nothing wrong with any of that whatsoever - why should you sit in the majority of Saturday night waiting for him to finish work when you can go out?

He sounds clingy and possessive, you’ve only known him a few months, don’t give up your own time to do whatever you want to just because he starts whinging…

I’d honestly keep an eye on this behaviour…

sunshineandshowers40 · 23/09/2021 22:24

Run. Please don't cancel seeing your friends.

BrisbaneandGone · 23/09/2021 22:25

Does he live with parents?

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/09/2021 22:26

Any reason he can't come and find you on Sat night, join in with what you are doing with your friends?

If that's a problem for him, run like the wind!

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2021 22:30

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams

Any reason he can't come and find you on Sat night, join in with what you are doing with your friends?

If that's a problem for him, run like the wind!

What am I reading? Why should he be allowed to force himself into op's plans? What part of her wanting to do things without him is so difficult to understand? If she wanted him there, she would have told him already.