Comments about my son

[Beauty3102]

I’m going to a party tomorrow with my cousins, aunts and uncles etc.

One of the in laws in the family always comments on how small my son is (he isn’t he’s perfectly average 4 year old). Her son is a huge boy he’s 4 and in size 7–8 year old clothes already. Last time she said oh he’s so tiny and I snapped and said he’s not tiny and stop being so rude...

I’m really dreading it as I don’t want to listen to it again and I know this time I’m going to say something cruel about her son...but I really don’t want to as I’m not a nasty person

What can I say to make her stop these comments?? TIA

That's not nice of them. What did they say after you told them they were rude?

You could start by having a quiet word and explaining that you find the comments hurtful.

Please do not retaliate with insult to her son, or you instantly become no better than she is.
You ARE better than that

Smile and say, ‘well they are completely different aren’t they?’ Then very pointedly change the conversation.

I get comments on the size of my DS, I smile and say I know he's lush isn't he.
Soon shuts them up.

She said I didn’t mean anything by it and got a bit stroppy

turn the negative to a positive and take away their ammunition with a smile.

"He's so tiny",
"Yes isnt he absolutely adorable"

She sounds worried about her son's size. She tries to make your son look small, so by comparison her son becomes "normal" sized.

Whisper to her is her ds Augustus Gloop?
Well OK maybe just think it.

You know this time you’re going to say something cruel about her son?
Yeah sure it’s an annoying - but you’re not a child, you really should have more self control than to expect to be cruel about him - and dreading it seems OTT.
Don’t make nasty comments about her son. Call her out by all means, “you do always comment on him being small, but he’s 50th centile for his age and - obviously therefore - his classmates are mostly similar.”
Let her look silly arguing with facts.

I think it’s an unnecessary comment from her but I do think you’re being abit sensitive here. Her comparison is a 4 year old that is 3-4 years bigger than other 4 year olds. As long as she doesn’t say it so your son catches on I think it’s an innocent comment and I think your come t that she was being rude was uncalled for.

I have a son who is actually tiny. On the 2nd percentile and people commented a lot especially between 6 months and 2.5 years. It hurt. Sometimes it was easy to ignore other times it broke my heart. Once or twice I cried wondering what I had done wrong and if this would be his life. Then I realized I have to accept it for me and for him. So I just highlighted his positives: Yeah it's interesting isn't it. He's probably using all his energy for speech development (he was very fast and could explain things in clear sentences by 18 months). Then I thought; what if they are struggling with speech. So I let go again and would just say It's amazing how they all just develop at their own pace or different things at different rates.
It will pass. My is still 2nd percentile and the comments have reduced considerably. Looking back I think part of it was being surprised that he was small and could speak and checking their own kids' progress. So your in-law is likely seeking reassurance that it's ok that her son is much bigger. Remain kind. Reassure her that all kids are different and as long as they are loved and happy/contented that's all that matters

I get comments about my little boy. Hes 18 months and on the 50th percentile after being born on the 2nd centile. Hes only in 9-12 month clothes but when people say hes small, i say, he may be but hes my mighty little miracle and walk off.

If she comments just say hes the perfect size for his age.

Might she just be saying it in a he's tiny and it's so cute and adorable way? I don't think it's anything to get overly upset about to be honest, you know he's fine (and he probably is tiny in comparison) so there's not really an issue - unless she's saying it in front of him or in a derogatory way.

Just be factual?

"He's average height actually. We're happy he is slim, so many overweight children these days."

My DD is about 5th centile height & weight. We get a lot of comments, I've got used to shrugging them off. She is small so I don't see it as offensive to describe her as small.

The only way you can think to retaliate is to say something nasty about her son? That's a bit weird!
Just say "really? I thought he was pretty average sized for his age".
I don't think saying oh he's so tiny, is that bad. I get people telling me my children are so big all the time.

Well if your DC is where he should be on his his birth/weight centile just say this. As in, 'really? We are not worried because when checked he is just bang on where he should be', and leave it at that. It really is not something to let yourself get so upset by.

I should have worded it correctly! She’s being saying this for the last 4 years! It’s just draining

“Yeah he is, your kids fucking massive though”

Hmm. Do you think so? He's pretty average in his class / friendship group.

@Beauty3102

I’m going to a party tomorrow with my cousins, aunts and uncles etc.

One of the in laws in the family always comments on how small my son is (he isn’t he’s perfectly average 4 year old). Her son is a huge boy he’s 4 and in size 7–8 year old clothes already. Last time she said oh he’s so tiny and I snapped and said he’s not tiny and stop being so rude...

I’m really dreading it as I don’t want to listen to it again and I know this time I’m going to say something cruel about her son...but I really don’t want to as I’m not a nasty person

What can I say to make her stop these comments?? TIA

I failed to say that she has been saying these comments since he was born every time we see them. So this is why it upsets me.

Maybe just say she thinks he's small because of the huge difference between her and your children's sizes but he is average and please don't keep commenting on it as it's awkward and rude to negatively speak about peoples sizes, you wouldn't comment on her child being really big so please don't comment on yours being average sized. Something along those lines.

I’m really dreading it as I don’t want to listen to it again and I know this time I’m going to say something cruel about her son...but I really don’t want to as I’m not a nasty person

You clearly need to get a grip. This woman may be obnoxious, but you saying something cruel about a child would be completely unacceptable. You can't control her but you can definitely control your own behaviour.

“Its funny you think that cos he’s actually slap bang in the middle of the charts for both height and weight. I guess he looks small to you because x is so big, it’s all relative isn’t it”.

Smile, shrug, walk away.

I would just sigh as though bored rigid and change the subject, but the comments suggested along the lines "I know, he's gorgeous" are probably a better way of shutting her up. If she doesn't get an uncomfortable reaction from you then she'll stop.