Comments about my son

[Beauty3102]

I’m going to a party tomorrow with my cousins, aunts and uncles etc.

One of the in laws in the family always comments on how small my son is (he isn’t he’s perfectly average 4 year old). Her son is a huge boy he’s 4 and in size 7–8 year old clothes already. Last time she said oh he’s so tiny and I snapped and said he’s not tiny and stop being so rude...

I’m really dreading it as I don’t want to listen to it again and I know this time I’m going to say something cruel about her son...but I really don’t want to as I’m not a nasty person

What can I say to make her stop these comments?? TIA

When she says how small your ds is, Why wouldn’t you just say, ‘but he wears age 4 clothes so must be the average size for his age.’

It does get tiring hearing the same comments. My youngest is average height and yet certain people in my life keep commenting how big she is. After a while you start wondering why do they feel the need to make this comment every time. I just say "oh yes she's lovely" and leave it at that.

We judge by what we are used to. So he probably looks tiny to her. Whereas her son looks huge to you. Say that to her. Its all relative!

Just retort that he obviously isn't small as he wearing clothes for his age..

Yes I was going to say he wears size 4 clothes from all brands we buy or similar

I know how you feel OP, people (randomers) keep commenting on my 8-month-old’s hair and I am fecking sick of it! The trouble is, each one of them probably thinks they’re the first person to say it, and I know they mean know harm, it just gets irritating.

I had family who commented on my height every single time I saw them. I hated it and my mother just brushed it off and wouldn’t let me say anything. As an adult I no longer see those people.

@Yolande7

She sounds worried about her son's size. She tries to make your son look small, so by comparison her son becomes "normal" sized.

I agree!

@SaddenedByItAll

You could start by having a quiet word and explaining that you find the comments hurtful.

Please do not retaliate with insult to her son, or you instantly become no better than she is.
You ARE better than that

This ^^

I find in situations like these that asking questions works well. If she comments again (which she may not as you called her out on it last time - well done) I would be prepared with a question. I would probably start by (calmly and inquisitively) asking ‘you always say this but I’m not sure why because he’s of average height for his age. Why do you think otherwise?’ If she keeps objecting, keep calmly asking questions and watch her argument crumble.

She’s making herself feel good by making others feel bad. Never cool but we all have to deal with these folk occasionally, unfortunately.

I would preempt the comment if she has been saying it for 4 years. Greet her and say before you start yes I know you think my child is small, but he is completely average for his age. I don't know why you feel the need to comment every time you see us. I am sure you wouldn't want people commenting on anything about your son. So please stop.

Hopefully she got the message

Can you be factual? I’d respond with “do you think so? That’s odd because according to the charts, he’s in the 75th percentile based on his height and weight so I have no concerns and he’s wearing clothes in a size that matches his age!”, flick hair, turn and walk away

I don't think that she was being rude. I think that she just sees him as tiny compared to her large brute! She has probably normalised her son's size. It sounds just more like a comparison between the two. I don't get why, if your son is of normal proportions, you are so sensitive about the issue. I don't see it as a criticism of your son.

If they do it all the time I would message before the next time you're due to see them and say 'I noticed you always seem to comment on (name)'s size and would prefer you didn't do it as i don't believe it's appropriate or kind to comment on people's appearance, especially children. Thanks.'

Since you’ve already pulled her up on it, I’d imagine she won’t say anything again. She’d need a brass neck to. But, if she does, just say extremely firmly, “You’ve made this same comment about 20 times and I thought I’d made it clear that I think it’s rude. He is NOT tiny. He is statistically average. Your view of ‘normal’ is distorted.” If she’s still going after that, you might need to just yawn and walk off.

@MissMaple82
Wow! Unnecessary

Be honest OP, you just wanted a bit of fat bashing.

@ButterflyAway

Be honest OP, you just wanted a bit of fat bashing.

Oh don't be so ridiculous. OP hasn't mentioned anything about 'fat' or 'overweight'. I was wearing clothes for 7-8 yo when I was that age too - not because I was fat, because I was very tall for my age and needed the length.

@RobertaFirmino she wants to make nasty comments about a child, comments that revolve around a child’s weight. You’re the one being ridiculous.

[quote ButterflyAway]@RobertaFirmino she wants to make nasty comments about a child, comments that revolve around a child’s weight. You’re the one being ridiculous.[/quote]
But quite clearly not as the OP has come here asking for ideas on how to best deal with this rather than being pushed to retaliate in anger. She does not want to be goaded into making nasty comments and is seeking polite solutions to something that would grate. Good luck OP. Dismantle any silly remarks by calmly pushing for further explanation.

When I have to deal with someone making the same rude/unhelpful comments repeatedly, I do the following:-

You need a second. Perhaps ask you DH and you need a cash note.

When she says 'he's so small ....'. Make a big show of saying something like 'Ha - you did it'. Call your DH over if he isn't there 'Time 1.30 pm. Come on pay up - she just he's so small. AGAIN like clockwork'. DH gives you the money. Say to her. 'You have been saying this every time we meet for FOUR years, I may as well make some money out of it'

Nobody wants to think of themselves as repetitive or boring.

@Catflapkitkat

When I have to deal with someone making the same rude/unhelpful comments repeatedly, I do the following:-

You need a second. Perhaps ask you DH and you need a cash note.

When she says 'he's so small ....'. Make a big show of saying something like 'Ha - you did it'. Call your DH over if he isn't there 'Time 1.30 pm. Come on pay up - she just he's so small. AGAIN like clockwork'. DH gives you the money. Say to her. 'You have been saying this every time we meet for FOUR years, I may as well make some money out of it'

Nobody wants to think of themselves as repetitive or boring.

This made me laugh!

Mine is a bit tall for her age and sometimes I’m surprised when she’s standing next to someone about her age because I just haven’t seen many kids since she was born (would never comment) It may be that, or maybe she’s rude or maybe she just wants you to say “oh my, your son is sooo Tall WOW”!

Just say “hmmmm” dismissively and change the subject. The more you react the more she’s probably getting from it.

I would say that Boris Johnson was most likely a huge child too. Well I wouldn’t because that is unkind, but I might allude to it subtly. 😈