Comments about my son

[Beauty3102]

I’m going to a party tomorrow with my cousins, aunts and uncles etc.

One of the in laws in the family always comments on how small my son is (he isn’t he’s perfectly average 4 year old). Her son is a huge boy he’s 4 and in size 7–8 year old clothes already. Last time she said oh he’s so tiny and I snapped and said he’s not tiny and stop being so rude...

I’m really dreading it as I don’t want to listen to it again and I know this time I’m going to say something cruel about her son...but I really don’t want to as I’m not a nasty person

What can I say to make her stop these comments?? TIA

She either thinks her extra large 4yo is fabulous for being so big for his age, and has to draw attention to this by pointing out how small your 4yo is in comparison.

Or. She's trying to normalise that her child is really big, by acting like an average size child is tiny.

Either way, it's more about her, than your and DS. She's being a bit of a dick, probably because she's sensitive about the size of her own child, but you don't have to be a dick back.

Take a step back. Firstly, you know for a fact that he is average size. So no amount of "omggggggg he's so tiny" changes what you factually know. If it bothers you so much, say something, but not in an nasty way.

Maybe "Do you know, you're the only one who ever says he's small. He's exactly on the average for height and weight. I wonder why he's so small in your eyes?"

I think that says in a roundabout way, that her opinion is not shared, and that it's only because she's comparing him to a child who's much larger than the average.

Just say ‘if you like’ with a big smile. Then change the subject. Not worth the effort of your time or a place in your head.

I have this in reverse because all of my DC are exceptionally tall. 11 year old is 5 ft 4 in size 8 shoes for example and I’m often met with ‘he’s only 2?!’ when I tell people how old my toddler is. I’ve just got used to it really and shrug it off, had it since they were babies because they were all born quite large.

Me too. DTwins are enormous. Less chubby than 6 months ago, but 2-3yrs is getting tight on them and they're a long way from reaching 2. They're so tall.

I have people coming up to them and acting surprised at their lack of speech. About a month ago someone assumed they were three. "They don't say much, my granddaughter is 3 as well and she doesn't stop!"

"They're 1"

She's doing it to make herself feel better about having an usually large/tall child.
I would fake yawn, fake smile and walk off.

@Brollywasntneededafterall

Whisper to her is her ds Augustus Gloop? Well OK maybe just think it.

😂😂😂

Amazing @Brollywasntneededafterall - do this OP!

My 6yo is quite small. I refer to him as treat-sized so that's what I would say.

If you really want to be petty you could say “he’s not tiny, your ds is just a unit” would be interesting to see how she takes it .. (not in front of said kids obviously)

@coastergirl

My 6yo is quite small. I refer to him as treat-sized so that's what I would say.

That’s awful, why would you say that? If he’s average size then no need to cutesy it up.

I’d go with “here we go again, it’s strange because you’re the only person who says that to me and you say it every time we meet” Don’t justify your son’s size or denigrate another child, just point out how tiresome her comments are.

Just say he’s in age appropriate clothes that fit perfectly so you don’t know why she thinks he’s small. Does she even mean it as “he’s small for his age” or just that he’s small and cute as all four year olds are? She might not mean it as you are taking it.

I think I'd just say "no he's perfectly average, I think it's just that DN is so big" nicely.

Tbf I have a big baby and I always think other people's babies are small and its only because of mumsnet that I know to keep that thought to myself.

I had this with my first DS, often with a tinkly laugh - it's fucking annoying..

And for those who are saying she's probably wanting reassurance that her son is normal - she's not. Big boy = good; small boy = bad.
And for those saying they got it with their DD - it's not the same . Small girl = good; small boy = bad.

I'd just say that actually he's a healthy size for his age. Leave it at that.

I understand. DD is starting to average out now but was noticeably tiny for her age up until about 2. When people pointed it out it felt like a judgment of whether she was well-fed enough or not, despite the fact that if you looked beyond her size she looked healthy and happy and energetic.

Don't be cruel about a child just to make yourself feel better.

If she does have the nerve to mention it to you again can you simply respond not with denial or affirmation, just "you say this every time we see you". She might one day get the idea.
Just think, water off a ducks back. Don't let stupid comments get under your skin.

Constance what a ridiculous thing to say! He is small and cute. Heaven forbid people should say something sweet about a child.

[quote ButterflyAway]@RobertaFirmino she wants to make nasty comments about a child, comments that revolve around a child’s weight. You’re the one being ridiculous.[/quote]
Tell me where OP mentions weight then...

I think I'd reply (cheerfully, politely) that he's actually average, and they're probably just used to their son, who is big for his age.

You can anticipate their remarks, then when they come, reply that he's average, etc., and then move on. If you redirect every time, they should get the idea. After the last outburst, maybe they'll already have learned to leave the topic alone!

@SprayedWithDettol nothing wrong with bojo

OP in one ear out the other

Arrrgggghhhh I get it all the time as our DS is tiny.

I had a random stranger tell me yesterday, whilst walking with my son, "aww he is just far too small to be going to school"

We must hear it twice, three times a week to the point he did ask if he was allowed in school because he was small. It's just rude.

I usually just say he will run rings around them all, he's more than ready.

But please don't lower yourself to mention their child.

Just say, "yes it's great that they are so different, it would be boring if we were all the same wouldn't it "

There’s nothing wrong with @Alternista suggestion, I’d go with something like that.

How about, 'yes, you've got a right bonny boy there. Have the doctor's expressed any concern about his growth and weight*?

I think you should ask her not to comment on his size because you're teaching him that it's rude to comment on other people's appearance and you wouldn't want him to hear her.

YABU for thinking of retaliating.