to feel heartbroken about the way life turned out ;(

[KurtKu]

this is going to be a sad/self pitying post but I don’t know where else to put this

AIBU to feel heartbroken about the way my life turned out

I was always considered the “smart girl” in school, straight A’s in everything.

I thought I was going to grow up and become a doctor or go to Oxford or Cambridge or a university like that … get married to another man similar to what I’d imagined I’d be like, that’s what I thought my life would be like.

A LOT of things went wrong and ten years later I’m in a minimum wage job where I spend my days wiping poo and doing other jobs like that

Sometimes I think, “how did I get here”. I messed up my A-levels and got BBCD, I messed up my degree and got a 2:2. It wasn’t 100% my fault, the thing about A-levels, I became ill during my last year of sixth form and my illness affected me by giving me headaches and making my head feel foggy and cloudy so I couldn’t think straight. This carried on during my undergraduate where my head felt foggy until final year. I should have told my doctor about all this tbh but I chose to suffer in silence and not tell anybody. Anyway I did a masters recently to try to make up for this but I still feel terrible on the inside, almost nauseous at what my life is, especially compared to everyone else I left school with. Sometimes I just wish I could swap my life for theirs. I feel like a loser and embarrassed about who I am and what I’ve become. This isn’t a joke, I honestly just feel very, very awful my life never came to look like what I thought it would look like, when I think about my age and where I am I feel a mixture of sadness that almost makes me feel nauseous at the same time. Once again, don’t come in with jokes because I am 100% not joking I just have no where else to go with this.

[Powertoyou]

The teachers in my school don’t have grades as good as yours. All excellent teachers.
You are the only one who can change things. Look how much you have achieved already.

[KurtKu]

@Choux

Could you tell us what your degree and masters were in? Are you still dreaming of doing something medical or have your ambitions/ dreams changed?

There are a huge number of well connected / well placed to advise Mumsnetters. If you were interested in my field I would definitely offer some cv advice, ideas about getting into the field and where to job hunt.

Use us as unpaid job coaches!

Thanks @Choux
Both my degrees were in life sciences subjects (I chose those degrees hurriedly without thinking about what my career options would be). I deeply regret doing that but there’s nothing I can do to change it now. Problem is there are not many jobs in this field where I live so I have to make do with what’s available to me for now.
I’m still thinking about possibly doing something medical but I’m not sure how happy that’s going to make me. On a more positive note, I guess my current care work might be somewhat helpful in that?

I’ve received good advice on this thread and it’s made me realise that I have more options than what I thought were open to me previously, career wise.

To everyone who has commented that they are going through the same thing with job searching, hopefully things will work out for you too

[whatwasIgoingtosay]

Find yourself a careers counsellor, or do some careers test online to find out what kind of job you'd enjoy and what you'd need to do to get there.

[MuchTooTired]

You’re not alone! Mine hasn’t panned out quite how I thought it would do either. MH issues, not knowing what I wanted to do and a series of silly decisions have landed me where I am today.

I’m still not sure how to get to where I think I’d like to be, and I don’t even really know if I want to do it, or am even able to do so.

I feel like I’ve pretty much messed it all up. On the plus side, I’ve got plenty of life left to live, I’ve got lots of positives in life and someone has to do the minimum wage jobs, so I’ll crack on with one of them (if I’m lucky!).

You’ve got a degree and a masters which is a lot more than me keep on applying for jobs and hopefully things will improve! When I’m down in the dumps or drowning in depression I find it really helps me to think of all the good things in my life and the good things about me rather than the negatives. Oh, and staying away from social media, comparing myself to the image of my friend’s perfect lives never ends positively for me!

[maddening]

What are you interested in? What is your degree and masters in? Where in the country do you live?

[ThreeLocusts]

OP I'm not surprised you find this hard to deal with. I'm baffled that nobody around you took enough interest in why your grades declined so much for the problem to come to light. That in itself is a hard thing to deal with.

If there is an MA you particularly want to do, it may be worth contacting a member of its teaching staff, someone whose work you like, and speak to them about why your academic record is weak. They may be able to advise on how to explain the situation in an application cover letter.

Or how about a more vocational qualification that would increase your earning potential (which many humanities MAs don't, really) and still allow you to regain some confidence in your academic abilities? It sounds a bit like your problem is with your trust in yourself and the world as much as it is with grades.

On a side note, I kept very good grades all the way to MA and then was knocked sideways by a medical crisis. Am OK, but not great, now job-wise and still quite a few regrets, most of them related to not standing up for myself. I suspect elbows matter as much as academic ability...

Just try to be kind to yourself, whatever you decide to do. You've never given up in spite of your disappointments, you pay your own way, and in a way that's a bigger achievement than sailing through life with straight As.

[FancyLampshade]

@leavesthataregreen

OP, I am so sorry that you had such a long run of ill health affecting you at such a critical age. But no one can take away your intelligence. It's still there and you can still use it.

FWIW, I felt very like you in my late twenties. I got a good degree from a good university but poor mental health and no support meant I ended up working in a greasy spoon cafe, no boyfriend, while everyone I was friends with at uni was married and pursuing careers in law, medicine, the city, living in stunning houses, having children.

My life turned around when I had a good think about what I'd like to do and then just did it. I didn't wait to get employed, I set up on my own. At first I massively undercharged but then a friend put me in touch with a brilliant financial therapist who encouraged me to price my work competitively and to my astonishment I got more clients not fewer. i love the work, and can fit it around my health.

You clearly don't love your work. You find it degrading and you know you'd be happier in a more intellectual role. That's fine. Allow yourself to explore how you might make that change. Is there anything you'd like to do, that you'd enjoy or feel proud of that you could start doing by yourself, freelance? Is there a more suitable role in your current job? If you work in the care system, could you move across to management, or the charity sector of the specific area you have hands-on experience of?

Have you considered the Civil Service or the Police, both of which actively recruit clever people?

And very important: was your health issue ever discovered and correctly treated?

You sound young - as in, no older than early thirties perhaps. You have decades ahead of you, in which to bloom and flourish and make a life you are proud of. You just might need to do it in a less conventional way than the one that is currently blocking you. Most vastly successful people work for themselves, and many absolutely failed at school or uni.

Also, look at your whole life and try to improve all areas of it. Don't feel work alone is the marker of a good life. Getting fit, sorting out where you live, even if it's a rented room, so it pleases you, building a strong social life, exploring where you live etc - all of these are things you can do that have nothing to do with exam grades. Let other areas of your life flourish and the rest will follow. as you'll start to feel more upbeat and self confident.

Lovely advice, completely agree with all of this.

[Mummadeze]

Do you have good office skills? As if not, it is always worth doing a course in that. As you can then get into companies in a support role and learn from the ground up. I didn’t want to be a secretary but took a secretarial type course so I could get a foot in the door. Once you are in a big organisation you can apply for things internally, shadow people, learn from your boss etc. Starting in a low level position, even with a degree is fine if you can see a possible career path within the company. When I worked at a big broadcaster, one of the guys in the mailroom managed to move upwards through a few different departments until he got a job as a presenter which was his long term goal. It can be done.

[10ColaBottles]

Nothing wrong with a Desmond !

[Conniethesensible]

All I wanna say is there are people with NO qualifications where I work who are doing a cracking job.
You gotta fake it until you make it. I’m really sorry about your position. Luck is a big factor, but it’s not the sole reason. From the likes of this post it shows you want to change. Be that change!

[Plumtree391]

Your exam results are pretty good, Kurt.

I'm not going to tell you what you need but there are careers advisers and recruitment consultants who I am would be glad to help you find a job more appropriate to your qualifications.

Don't be downhearted, everyone has setbacks but there's no reason to suppose things won't work out well for you. x

[MobyDicksTinyCanoe]

My brother graduated with a 2.2 and walked straight into a job days later......he's a highly regarded engineer in his field.
There's absolutely no reason why you cant make your degree and life work for you, if you want to change things then do it.

[Calmdown14]

I very much doubt it is your degree classification that is the deciding factor in job shortlisting.
You will still be entitled to careers advice from your university.
You need to look at how you are applying and get some help. Your lack of confidence is perhaps coming through. Applications require you to play the game even if you don't believe it

[Monster2021]

@CrimeJunkie01

I left school with no A levels and was in prison at the age of 25. I started a degree at 26, which took 6 years (part time) and I got a 2:1. I can honestly say that no job I have ever applied for has asked what classification my degree is. I am now in a very well paid job that I have worked hard to get to through the ranks.

What I am saying is that it is never too late to turn things around, and also, you are worrying about stuff that doesn't matter.

If I were you, id take an entry level job in something you really want to do and work to get promoted etc.

That's very impressive turning your life around like that.

[Beer2bed]

I thought the same for so long. Had plans for university etc but ended up in an abusive relationship (then marriage) which meant I missed out on all that. Have moved from one low paid job to another. Even after I divorced I couldnt see myself fulfilling my potential.

Then I met my Dp who encouraged me. I'm now in a great job in the field I always wanted to be and earning a much better (still not amazing) salary.

I'm 40, that's how long it took. 20 long years, but I'm there. So based on that I say go for it, you have plenty of time to turn things around. Even if you see no light at the end of the tunnel right now.

[viques]

I’m glad you have decided to adopt a more positive attitude OP. I think it is all too easy to fall into the trap of looking back at negative experiences and allowing them to dictate what is happening in your life right now. and assuming that that is your future set in stone.

Many people don’t decide on their careers until your age, many people change their minds about careers and go in completely different directions, I know people who for various reasons didn’t start academic studying until their thirties. You are well placed with a first and a second degree (no one cares about your AL grades btw) , you are currently on a minimum wage in a job you hate , so putting that positive thinking into place the only way is up!

[Monster2021]

My Mum is a senior manager in the civil service and she recently employed someone in their late 60's because he was right for the job. Don't be put off you have many years of work ahead of you.

[Wallywobbles]

I am embarking on a masters and a new career and I've just hit 50. I've just discovered a job I love that didn't exist a decade ago.

[LostFrog]

Look. I got a First and worked in care for a time, because it fitted around my family. I was proud to do a job that was useful and meaningful rather than working in a soul destroying job in the City like many of my friends. I still don’t have a glittering career but I have a job I like and know it helps people and that it is worth my time and energy. If you can, try to see the positives in what you do. But whatever you do, stop comparing yourself to your friends or you will never be happy.

[unlikelytobe]

In too much of life we judge ourselves and others by these markers. Exam results disappointment can last a lifetime if you let it. You expected to do so much better and others also thought you were capable of more so it's a hard truth to swallow. There may be many reasons why you underperformed but you are so much more than a set of academic grades. (Kinda' talking to myself there!) Not that a masters is anything to be sniffed at!

You need to get a new perspective on this and realise your current reality is not your destiny and things can change. Plenty of time left so life has not 'turned out' yet - you are still young.

[ThreeLittleDots]

It's never too late. There are lots of health-related undergraduate courses leading to professional registration, that even if you are a graduate already you are entitled to a student loan, course fees paid and NHS bursary.

If you don't have biology A level or recent learning experience you can do an online access course first to meet entry requirements.

[EmeraldShamrock]

Late 20's is so young to change career and start again.
I am nearly 41 you'll be finished training, working 10 years at 41.
You've got hands on experience in care work which is a very worthwhile job, badly paid though.
You can change your life.

[Wallywobbles]

You really need to aim for a specific job and work out what you need to do to get there. A masters is good to have but you need to do more.
Can you get work experience?
Find a mentor?
Get some unpaid experience?
Create a portfolio of work or similar?

Do you interview well? That's not an impossible nut to crack.

[ThreeLittleDots]

www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/career-planning/study-and-training/considering-or-university/financial-support-university

[Chocolatier9]

Just to add to the chorus - don’t lose hope you have so many options.

I’m interviewing candidates at the moment for a professional well paying post and It struck me looking at CVs how many people we’re hearing from (and shortlisting) who haven’t gone the traditional route of a levels to degree to steadily climbing the ladder. One of my mentors didn’t get his first “proper” job until he was in his 30s and now he’s at the top of his field. Honestly, it can be done.

Best of luck.