to tell mother in law ENOUGH

[DoingDoingDone]

Loathe to post a MIL bashing thread but sweet Jesus I am completely done.

MIL has always been extremely opinionated. Subscribed to the ‘smile and nod’ way of life when DC were tiny and I was in my early-mid 30s (was nicer then and didn’t feel Too Fucking Old For This Shit)

But these days it’s non stop, from the moment we arrive at hers or she arrives at ours, every sentence beginning with ‘well I never’. And it’s not just about the kids but how DH and I generally live our lives in minute detail. Final straw this week was when she came round and in the space of five minutes (I made a list after she left)said:
I wouldn’t eat that for dinner
I wouldn’t serve that for breakfast DH
I never made my children’s beds
I didn’t let my children go outside till homework done
I wouldn’t allow screens ever full stop (batshit as was said as DS did his homework on one, as set by the teacher)
I never mowed the lawn that often
I never would buy from (local shop)
I didn’t supervise music practice
I didn’t tumble dry uniform

It’s not malicious, not even a bit, and it is kind of her way of making conversation and reminiscing. And generally, she’s a nice person. I’m also no pushover but pretty easy going and water off a Duck’s back for a long time. But I am grumpy and perimenopausal now and just OVER IT.

So tell me, how do I (after 16 years of polite smiles in response to this shit) demonstrate that I have reached MY FUCKING LIMIT without causing ww3?

Wow, amazing!

Say that everytime. Sarcastically.

I have said yanbu but a lot of that sounds not so much judgemental as small talk about different ways of doing things. Ignore.

With another relative there's a whole list of negatives she trots out every visit so we play Silent Bingo with them. First one to spot all the ones they claimed says a sentence with the word House in it to indicate we claim the win.

I like that but I’m far less tolerant than that so I’d be thinking/saying what @AnotherFruitcake said. Blimey, you sound like you really loathe your mil! Possibly justified by the sound of it.

Mine never stops talking!! Sometimes I honestly wonder how someone can talk that much and not get a sore throat. She doesn't wait for a response beyond yes or hmm. Anyway I am learning another language I translate everything she says in my head. And smile. Sometimes I even use my phone to look up new words.

“Are you aware of how often you’ve told me that you wouldn’t do things the way I do them? Seems like I can do no right!” Then laugh merrily.

Play MIL bingo???

Make a few cards with choice phrases and when she's gone home take pleasure in ticking them off.

Have a reward chart such as treating yourself to a biscuit/gin/whatever rocks your world and budget for a line, square and Bingo.

Then rather than go into peri-rage (I'm suffering with you on this and and SO OVER SO MANY THINGS) think of what lovely little "presents" her comments are entitling you to as you listen to her.