AIBU to want DD2 to come to DD1’s party?!

[Frazzle678]

My eldest daughter is turning 13 and wants a sleepover party in a tent with a few friends, they’ll have a little fire pit and will be toasting marshmallows etc I automatically assumed youngest daughter (10) would be going but now eldest daughter is flouncing and wailing and I’m wondering if my expectation is normal? I assumed it was, and said she’d have to have her sister or not have it at all but now I’m second guessing myself! I’m genuinely interested to know peoples thoughts it’s a minefield entering the teen years ((((which I feel like we did last year tbh she literally transformed from most helpful easy going child to ‘Kevin’, she’s calmed down a lot thank goodness ))) the background is that my younger daughter is more highly strung and in the past has had more of my attention so I believe that there is lingering jealousy issues at work too

Yabu , a group of 13 year olds don't want a 10 year old at their party 🙄🙄 don't do that to your eldest daughter.

It's her party, surely she should have the guests she wants?

Yabvu. Do something separate with your two dd’s, or let them have a sleepover together another night, your older dd needs space and privacy with her friends. Don’t you remember what it was like to be 13?

YABU it's your daughter's birthday so she should get to decide who she wants at her party

Absolutely no way. They are 13!

That is massively unfair on your older one. The 10 year old will change the group dynamics massively. There's a huge difference between 13 and 10! Poor kid, please don't do that to her.

She is turning 13, she will 100% not want her 10 year old sister there. Don’t make her feel bad about it. She is growing up and is learning how to be an individual. In ten years or so it’ll swing back round but for now, definitely don’t assume that these things should be done together

Definitely unreasonable. What 13 year old would want their 10 year old sister cramping their style. Sorry OP.

YABVU, I’d have hated having my little sister at a sleepover with my friends!

Of course you don’t invite her younger sister, how uncool.

YABVVU.

Why on earth would you expect your 13 year old to put up with her little sister on her birthday sleepover?!

Christ no, a ten year old sister would absolutely ruin a 13 year old's birthday party (in her eyes) - let her have it just with her friends.

Yeah... no...

Let your 10 year old have a friend over or go to a friends house.

13 year old wants their own party.... little sister changed the dynamic... when they have got to 18+, no doubt it will change and they will be out partying together....

Why would you assume she would wang her little sister tagging along?

It's not a minefield. Don't you remember being 13?

I agree with pp.
Yabvu.
I have twins and wouldn’t enforce them on each other’s friendship groups.
They have to have their own lives and space out of the family unit.

Yabu - she's a teen. It's her birthday sleepover with her friends. No one wants their baby sister crashing.

You need to prioritize correctly rather than just giving into the 'higher strung' one.

For a 9 and 6 year old m
I would say maybd. At 10 and 13 definitely not.

If they were at trampoline park or something active of course sister could tag along but not for a sleepover where it is mostly movies, chat and silliness.

Also I wouldn't want my 10 year old going to a sleepover full of 13 year old either.

YABU. Why on earth would she want her 10 yr old sibling sleeping over at her party with her friends??

Absolutely not!!! Your teenager doesn't want her younger sister from primary school at her sleepover! Please don't do it.

This would just be reinforcing any lingering jealously though.

Let her be with her friends and not her sister, I'm surprised you thought it was ok to be honest!!

Yabu. Little sisters are not cool and have little ears that limit the conversations.
Maybe ask if she joins in for the marshmallows, one hour max.

Have you already mentioned it to DD2? Because you’ll need a plan for breaking it to her that of course she can’t be there! Perhaps they could do one activity with her and then they go their separate ways, and you make a fuss of DD2 so she doesn’t get too jealous. The 13yos definitely deserve some time alone.

Hugely unfair. 10 and 13 is a very big gap socially and emotionally. Nothing like when they were 6&3 and happy to run around soft play together.

Christ no, your 13 year old shouldn’t have to have her 10 year old sister tagging along to her birthday. I’m amazed you have to ask tbh.

Teens would not want a little sister there - it is perfectly normal. Welcome to the teenage years - it is a minefield!!