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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want DD2 to come to DD1’s party?!

75 replies

Frazzle678 · 22/09/2021 21:44

My eldest daughter is turning 13 and wants a sleepover party in a tent with a few friends, they’ll have a little fire pit and will be toasting marshmallows etc I automatically assumed youngest daughter (10) would be going but now eldest daughter is flouncing and wailing and I’m wondering if my expectation is normal? I assumed it was, and said she’d have to have her sister or not have it at all but now I’m second guessing myself! I’m genuinely interested to know peoples thoughts it’s a minefield entering the teen years ((((which I feel like we did last year tbh she literally transformed from most helpful easy going child to ‘Kevin’, she’s calmed down a lot thank goodness ))) the background is that my younger daughter is more highly strung and in the past has had more of my attention so I believe that there is lingering jealousy issues at work too

OP posts:

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/09/2021 21:54

Unless your older dd wants her there , which she obviously doesn't yabu

There's a huge difference between a 10 year old and a 13 year old

Brollywasntneededafterall · 22/09/2021 21:54

Just 15 months between my dd's.. Would never suggest they attended each other's parties..

Gorl · 22/09/2021 21:55

Yabu. Of course a 13yo having a sleepover with her friends doesn’t want her 10yo sister tagging along! Especially if the 10yo is highly strung.

Let your teen have a normal party with just her friends and make sure your 10yo has something to keep her occupied and out of their hair on the day.

ThisIsNotAMill · 22/09/2021 21:56

I have a similar gap op, ds1 is 13 and ds2 is 11 (2yr, 3 months difference).

Ds1 is chilled about including ds2 but then boys aren't always the deepest thinkers at that age lol.

Ds1 will go paintballing, bowling etc and accepts ds2 going but usually ds2 will have one friend there too. So the two younger ones are included but naturally end up separating off a bit iyswim. Ds1 also does this in reverse and gets one friend to ds2s party. It works quite well.

Girls at that age are a different kettle of fish, dd1 probably wants to gossip and bitch about grown up things without dd2 whereas with my two, football is football, paintball is paintball and as long as ds2 can keep up skill-wise, ds1 doesn't care.

Could dd2 having a friend over work?

iklboo · 22/09/2021 21:57

You know you're being unreasonable. Nothing to do with jealousy or your younger one being 'highly strung'. Great opportunity to teach her she won't be included in everything or get her own way all the time.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 22/09/2021 21:58

Your poor DD! YABU, shes right to have assumed her sister wouldn't be going. They're going to want to gossipy about boys and whatever and it's not likely to be suitable for a ten year old. No one wants their kid sibling there when they're gossiping about the cute boy in chemistry class and laughing about when someone brought a condom in and stuck it to the whiteboard or whatever else teenagers do nowadays.

hairybakers · 22/09/2021 22:00

Goodness me. I don't think I need to add to the chorus of YABVU but blimey..... YABVVVU.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 22/09/2021 22:00

Let her have her sleepover with her friends and without her little sister. DS 14, when he finally decides to celebrate his birthday, won't be taking DS 10. It'd cramp his style.

drumandthebass · 22/09/2021 22:01

My DS had a camping party when he was 11 and it didn't enter my head that my then 9 year ool DS would join in. He had a friend for a sleepover instead. He joined his brother outside for hot chocolate and toasted marshmallows and then went inside to sleep

BareVanilla · 22/09/2021 22:01

Don’t be the parent who insists sibling fairness. Lots of my friends won’t join us doing an activity if it means younger one can’t join in. I stopped inviting them altogether as surely younger ones do their own activities with their own friends?

DillyDilly · 22/09/2021 22:01

Not fair on your DD1 if you insist DD2 goes along too. Can you not see that a group of 13 year olds wouldn’t want to party with a 10 year old??

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2021 22:03

There is a huge difference in maturity between a 10 year old and a 13 year old, and I agree with everyone else that it wouldn't be fair to make your dd1 invite her sister to her party. As people have said, it would completely change the dynamic, and it wouldn’t be the party your dd1 wants.

I hope you will listen to this thread, and rethink@Frazzle678.

You could soften the blow by offering a treat to dd2 - her choice of film and popcorn, and a late night on the sofa with you, maybe.

Quartz2208 · 22/09/2021 22:03

you want your 13 year old DD to have to cope with her highly strung 10 year old sister at her party

Yes YABVVU

Original poster

Frazzle678 · 22/09/2021 22:03

If it was movies etc it would be much easier to not have younger sister there. She wants a glamping tent sleepover 45 mins from our house and I’m a single mum so it’s logistically challenging. But the comments are v helpful thank you

OP posts:

parietal · 22/09/2021 22:04

DD2 should definitely not be there for the full sleepover. If DD1 wants to invite her for 1/2 hour at the beginning of the evening, that might be nice. Then DD2 can go back inside & watch a movie (a 'young' movie that DD1 isn't interested in) and sleep in her own bed.

Hattie765 · 22/09/2021 22:04

I feel for your daughter if I'm honest (the 13 year old). I was the oldest one who always had to have my annoying younger siblings along on everything I ever did.

Rumplestrumpet · 22/09/2021 22:04

I thought you were going to say kids aged 4/5 at a soft play party and say that was fair enough - definitely NOT for a 13yr old sleepover!!

namechangerforthisconfessionn · 22/09/2021 22:04

In your situation (assuming you have told DD2 she can go on the sleepover) I would beg one of her friends to have her sleepover so she doesn't feel like she's missing out and takes the pressure off DD1
Dreading the teenage years myself I don't envy you OP

Sleepinghyena · 22/09/2021 22:04

YABVVU. Totally unfair to expect her to have her sister to her birthday sleepover.

parietal · 22/09/2021 22:04

so if it a glamping sleepover, are you or any adults staying on site with the 13 yr olds?

If so, DD2 should stick with the adults & not the party kids.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/09/2021 22:04

Well I have 4 boys and none of them have any interest in football. They all like a good gossip as well so I don't think it's a girl v boy thing 😏

AFS1 · 22/09/2021 22:05

If it’s 45 mins from your house, where were you going to be sleeping? I’m assuming you weren’t going to be in the tent with them, so why can’t the 10 yr old be wherever you are?

Cattitudes · 22/09/2021 22:05

The sleepover bit definitely not, expecting her sister to be there for a bit of cake and marshmallows is not as unreasonable, maybe 20-30 mins. Or arrange something else for her sister to do. I don't think it is always cut and dried. My dc - who are mainly older than yours would expect and want their siblings to pop in at least for cake and might be there for the whole party.

For sleepovers generally I arrange for everyone to have a friend each so they are always busy with their friend. We never have sleepovers attached to birthdays though, too much excitement!

Original poster

Frazzle678 · 22/09/2021 22:06

I agree re the maturity difference. I was just raised in a family of five and it was all very different back then ….now I’m Just having to recalibrate … and reorganise plans a little

OP posts:

Livpool · 22/09/2021 22:06

No way should the 10 year be attending - her older sister needs alone time with her friends

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