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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want DD2 to come to DD1’s party?!

75 replies

Frazzle678 · 22/09/2021 21:44

My eldest daughter is turning 13 and wants a sleepover party in a tent with a few friends, they’ll have a little fire pit and will be toasting marshmallows etc I automatically assumed youngest daughter (10) would be going but now eldest daughter is flouncing and wailing and I’m wondering if my expectation is normal? I assumed it was, and said she’d have to have her sister or not have it at all but now I’m second guessing myself! I’m genuinely interested to know peoples thoughts it’s a minefield entering the teen years ((((which I feel like we did last year tbh she literally transformed from most helpful easy going child to ‘Kevin’, she’s calmed down a lot thank goodness ))) the background is that my younger daughter is more highly strung and in the past has had more of my attention so I believe that there is lingering jealousy issues at work too

OP posts:
Clymene · 22/09/2021 22:07

You weren't planning on letting them go camping on their own were you?

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/09/2021 22:07

Well it isn't logistically challenging really. Dd2 sleeps with you , take a friend of hers with you or just tell her she's in with you

Sparklesocks · 22/09/2021 22:08

Echoing others - she’s 13, she wants to spend time with her friends and her little sister will throw off that dynamic. They’ll probably be friends when they’re both in their older teens (or flit between being best friends and total enemies like me and my sister…) but currently the social gap is too big. Especially when you’re 13 and a bit awkward/unsure of yourself and want to impress your pals.

Josette77 · 22/09/2021 22:09

Hell no. YABVU

Original poster
Frazzle678 · 22/09/2021 22:10

Thanks all. I was at the v beginning stage of making plans and hadn’t thought it all through. it has been helpful to read thru the thread and im grateful for the suggestions - some of which will come in v handy. . No more advice required - hope you all have a lovely evening ❤️

OP posts:
HalzTangz · 22/09/2021 22:11

Yabu, she is 13 and having other 13 year old friends over, they don't want a ten year old hanging round them all night

lanthanum · 22/09/2021 22:17

My parents used to organise playdates for us when our siblings were having a birthday party, so that we were out of the way!

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/09/2021 22:19

You'll probably find they're best of friends and hanging out together in about 3 years time. Me and my sister were

There's 8 years between each of my first 3 and ds2 has had friends over since he was about 16 and they were happy for d's 3 to play board games etc with them for a bit before he went to bed even though he was only 8 when they started doing it.

Young teens are different though, they're just finding their feet and will want time without adults or younger siblings

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 22/09/2021 22:23

If it's the only way to supervise the 13 year olds then she'll have to put up with it! If it's not, I wouldn't insist at all. Do something as family together, then let your dd have her separate party unless needs supervision from you.

Hankunamatata · 22/09/2021 22:26

Clamping is a different slant esp if no grandparents or siblings handy to babysit. Assuming you will be in a couple pods then you keep dd2 with you. Play cards or snuggle up in your pod and do a movie night for you and dd2 on laptop or ipad.

Kite22 · 22/09/2021 22:27

Glad I read all the thread.
I was going to agree with everyone else (well 98% at the moment), you were BVU , but glad you have taken it on board. Smile

TartanJumper · 22/09/2021 22:34

No, she shouldn't have her 10 year old sister tagging along for all of it.

You and DD2 can have a lovely time together while they stay in the tent etc.

Jumpingintosummer · 22/09/2021 22:52

Good luck, hope your DD has a lovely birthday.

m0therofdragons · 22/09/2021 22:58

My dd is 13 and happily let her 10 yo sisters (twins) join elements of her birthday sleep over but no, not the whole thing at all.

Ilovecharliecat · 22/09/2021 23:16

Nope a 14 yo does not want a 10 yo sis at a sleepover, neither do any of the friends

Viviennemary · 22/09/2021 23:35

I don't think the younger sister should be going. And I would certainly question the wisdom of letting 13 year olds meddle with fires.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 22/09/2021 23:42

Absolutely no way would the 10 year old be allowed at teenagers party, I have similar aged girls and would be mortified to do this to my 13 year old , massive difference between 10 and 13!

Cheeseplantboots · 22/09/2021 23:46

Definitely not! There’s a year between mine but the wo8ldnt want to do anything together. They even walk to school separately despite leaving at the same time!

StoatMilk · 23/09/2021 00:15

@kateg27

That is massively unfair on your older one. The 10 year old will change the group dynamics massively. There's a huge difference between 13 and 10! Poor kid, please don't do that to her.
This

Give yer head a wobble OP Hmm

NotRainingToday · 23/09/2021 00:20

If it's glamping, then presumably birthday girl and friends are in one tent, and you and 10 year old in another.
But YABU to offer glamping as a birthday party, hugely expensive and you have to be responsible for everyone all of the time.
(Camping in garden preferable)

Bombaloorina · 23/09/2021 00:23

But YABU to offer glamping as a birthday party, hugely expensive and you have to be responsible for everyone all of the time.
(Camping in garden preferable)

I really think the OP can make her own decisions about what she can afford and would prefer….?

notanothertakeaway · 23/09/2021 08:39

I'd be concerned about the safety of 13 year olds using a fire pit

SD1978 · 23/09/2021 08:41

Sorry- you are being unreasonable. Why would you think a group of 13 year old girls want to have a 10 year old they are not friends with hanging around with them, and your daughter has said she doesn't want her. It shouldn't be assumed that your younger daughter has to attend, and vice versa with her party

ditalini · 23/09/2021 08:42

Yabu! That was an enormous and bizarre assumption!

Why would you impose on your dd's first teenage celebration like that?

Have a family day separately if you want dd2 to feel involved, but this is a sleepover with her friends.

OoglyMoogly · 23/09/2021 09:16

Being an older sister who was forced to have my 3-years younger sister come along to everything I did meant my friends stopped inviting me.

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