Daughter has just started driving

[HildegardeCrowe]

DD aged 21 has just bought her first car and is driving for the first time since taking her test over 3 years ago. She’s away at uni now after the summer doing a postgrad course. She’s a bit nervous but gaining in confidence. AIBU to ask her to message me when she’s reached her destination after a long journey (she’s doing a 4 hour trip to Cornwall this weekend for eg). Or just rely on the fact that if anything bad happened, the police would contact us. Don’t want to be too much of a helicopter mum.

Absolutely no hesitation here in asking her to ring when she's arrived, I would do that with my DH and he with me.

Ha!
I’m in my mid thirties and have just bought my first car.
Both my mum and husband expect a text when I arrive somewhere 🤣

I think it’s fine to ask but also she’s an adult so if she says no just respect that.

I think asking her to messy you is not being unreasonable, however don't m
panic if she forgets.

Did she not get any time behind the wheel in the summer in a more controlled environment?

I did a similar thing, took the test at 18, then didn't need a car until I was 24, so it was a bit nerve wracking, particular as I bought a brand new car, I actually ended up taking about 5 more lessons, then my dad helped me go on a few test drives.

At 21 I wouldn't have texted my parents to let them know I arrived safe. She's an adult. Just trust her.

My mum used to ask me to do this and I found it really annoying. If I got delayed, or if I changed my plans I had to remember to let her know. And sometimes I didn't want her to know that I wasn't driving to Cornwall or where ever anymore because I'd had a better offer!! She's at university, probably doing lots of things that you would consider 'risky' but you don't know about them. She's passed her test and is considered road safe, let her get on with her life.

I think it depends a bit on whether she’s driving to meet people or arriving somewhere on her own. Also let her know that a quick ‘got here safely’ is fine if she’s tired or just doesn’t want a conversation.

I always text my husband on arrival when I drive somewhere. And he me.

@girlmom21

At 21 I wouldn't have texted my parents to let them know I arrived safe. She's an adult. Just trust her.

This ^

That said my own DD is 20 and we communicate a lot so if she was embarking on a long journey it would be usual for her to message when she had arrived.

I do think YABU. If on the off-chance something does happen, you'll be told as soon as possible.

As an aside, if you've told her to text and she's delayed for some reason (traffic, etc.) you'll sit there working yourself up into a panic over nothing because she's not text to your schedule.

I’d be very anxious if she literally hasn’t driven at all since she passed her test 3 years ago…! If I was her I’d want a couple of refresher lessons.

I’m 37, been driving for over ten years and still text my parents to let them know I’ve arrived safely after a long journey!

Well I’m almost twice your daughters age and I still let my parents know I’m there after a long drive, so I think it’s a totally reasonable thing to ask!

Have you got iPhones? Me, my parents and siblings and husband are all on my “Find my Friends” (as I am on theirs) which is great for worriers. Never look at it to “check up on” anyone, but we are all anxious people and this has really helped all of our mental health around this sort of thing. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

My dad still makes me text him when I arrive home from his and I’m 27.

I'm 32, been driving over 10 years and my mum still asks me to let her know when I get to my destination if I am driving long distance. YANBU

Pretty normal thing to do - texting when you arrive at a destination after a long trip. We do it here and not new drivers! Just ask her to send you a quick text. Won't take her more than a few seconds 😃

Totally reasonable. DS usually asks me to text him when I get home after visiting him (100+miles) .
Just a sign of caring, not interfering.

I've been driving for 15 and my parents still expect such texts after much shorter journeys.

It's annoying but now that they're OAPs I find myself worrying about them too so don't have a leg to stand on!!

I just ask my son to send me a thumbs up emoji when he arrives, which he’s happy to do.

My daughter is in her 40s and I still ask her to let me know she's arrived safely after a long journey. I also let her know I've arrived when I go on holiday.

Erm, I'm in my 50s and do the 3 rings for my mum when I've got home from hers (she's 2.5 hours drive away). It's not weird, it's called caring. My DSC also message us when they get home from staying at ours as they live a couple of hours away, and vice versa. It's just considerate.

Just realised that both of my adult children ask me to let them know when I’ve got home safely after a visit - how things change!

Just ask my mam still asks me and I am nearly 30

I'm 41 and been driving since the last century well only just my mother still likes to know I've arrived safely on long journeys. Even relatively short ones I've noticed she'll message shortly after I'm expected home to ask a non-question

Most unreasonable. My mother insisted we call her after a long car journey, it was really annoying to my brother and to me. I felt it was so unreasonable that I now insist that my sons don't contact me in those circumstances but only when they have some news.

I’d say to her she needs to let someone she knows well, who she tells when she is setting off on long journeys, that she has arrived safely . Doesn’t matter who until a point when she is in a LTR. It is just a safety thing to ensure she is missed quickly if anything (god forbid) did happen. That could be you, if say she is driving to or fro your house. Or it could be she phones ahead of people she’ll meet in Cornwall to say she’s leaving and her ETA is x o’clock