Daughter has just started driving

[HildegardeCrowe]

DD aged 21 has just bought her first car and is driving for the first time since taking her test over 3 years ago. She’s away at uni now after the summer doing a postgrad course. She’s a bit nervous but gaining in confidence. AIBU to ask her to message me when she’s reached her destination after a long journey (she’s doing a 4 hour trip to Cornwall this weekend for eg). Or just rely on the fact that if anything bad happened, the police would contact us. Don’t want to be too much of a helicopter mum.

I am in my 50's, my parents always ask me to text that i got home safely from visiting them - a 90 min journey. I do it quite happily, because I know they care and worry. I do not see any harm in you asking that she text you, (assuming that is not an out of character thing for you to ask in your relationship), but just for long journeys though.

My DM always asks me to let her know when I'm home when I'm driving back from her house which is 5 mins away and I'm 31! YANBU

Definitely not being unreasonable. Dd1 is working from home now but used to text me every morning when she arrived at work. I could then relax for the day. Until she started her journey home.
I think it’s being caring and considerate. However, this is MN and the majority think kids should be making their own way in life once they reach the grand old age of 10!

Dd is younger but we all have find my friends and family sharing set up. It means I can check quickly to see if she has arrived somewhere, she’s not a big texter!

She can of course switch it off anytime she wants, but hasn’t felt the need so far. She uses it to see where I am and how long i’ll be if i’m picking her up or whatever.

I think the ‘rule’ is that you let the person whose house you are leaving know if they ask or if it’s implied. Spouses generally don’t count and you let them know regardless.

It’s empowering (and a little sad) as an adult child to know that you don’t have to check in with anyone.

It isn’t a bad idea to encourage your daughter to let friends and flat mates know what her plans are in case things go sideways… and it encourages her to build a network that isn’t mum.