To ask how to break unplanned pregnancy news to new relationship?

[blueywho]

Contraception failure clearly.

In shock. He's literally the first person I've met that I feel 100% at ease with. Like my best friend and a connection I've never experienced before.
Both have dcs from previous relationships which separation was only early this year so doesn't look great. Have been inseparable since we met basically.

Don't mean to be cheesy but thought some background might help.

I don't think I want an abortion. I don't know, maybe it's too early to decide. I always thought I would in this situation.

He has the day off today. If I message saying I need to see you, he might start to question why because I was really sick yesterday. Hence the decision to test late yesterday and this morning. All 6 tests are positive.

Do I just turn up?

I'm panicking

You can ask him to come round, without saying ‘I need to see you’. Do you want to tell him today? Would you not rather have time to absorb it yourself first?

Thanks for your reply. I feel like I want to tell him ASAP because I feel like I'm lying.

I spoke to him yesterday after finding out and he could tell I was being odd.

I definitely want to tell him today.

I'm afraid I wouldn't want to have someone's baby if I'd only known the guy for a few months. I'm sure he's very nice but you just don't know him well enough to know what he would be like in all situations.

The baby is every bit as much as his responsibility as yours, you both got pregnant together, remember that when you tell him, it's as much a shock for you as it is for him so give yourself room to process, too. This shouldn't be about how to soften the blow as it were for him, it's a lot for you to take in as well.

Just as an aside one of my best friends got pregnant 6 weeks into a fling with a much younger man and they're still together and very happy!

(10 years later)

If you’ve been inseparable since you first met why would arranging to see him give alarm bells?

Tbh I think you need to make your decision about this baby based on what you want rather than any promises from him clouding that.

I agree with Polka

How long have you been together? What contraception did you use? This is so tricky. I’m not sure I’d want a DC with someone I had just met. Especially if I already had DC who might get confused. If you go ahead with the pregnancy, could you go it alone if he ends the relationship?

You sound almost scared to tell him. This is 50% his responsibility. Were you both not using contraception?

Think carefully about keeping a baby with someone you barely know. Abortion is no picnic but bringing up a child alone is terrifying.

Congratulations!
Tell him. You both can then talk. It's a shock to you both . He made this baby with you

@HollowTalk

I'm afraid I wouldn't want to have someone's baby if I'd only known the guy for a few months. I'm sure he's very nice but you just don't know him well enough to know what he would be like in all situations.

Except she didn't ask whether she should have the baby or not, she asked how to tell her boyfriend.

Bringing up a child alone isn't terrifying
Plenty of single parents do this, (even when they were married and husband left).

Also OP said they both have DCs already from previous relationships

Plan for the worst just incase. Having another child will impact on the children already here so he may or may not want the baby, especially as you haven’t been together long.

Hopefully it goes how you want it too though, whichever way that is.

This is how I did it 3 months into a relationship.

Me “Hi, it’s me”
Him “Hi. How are you”
Me “pregnant”
Him “oh”

Still together, married and with 2 DC 10 years later…..although it’s not a way to get a family that I’d necessarily recommend.

I got pregnant 3 months in to mine and now dh relationship.He was in shock but then very pleased and excited.

I love how total strangers can get on here and question the OP like a parent.

She didn't ask for your contraception advise, little late for that!

Can you meet up for lunch? Or get some stuff in for lunch at yours?

Either way, take time to consider all options, and know that you don't have to make any choices based off his response.

This is your body, and your choice.

I was with DH six months when I got pregnant. We wasn't using any contraception as I was told I could have kids and had never gotten caught pregnant in 15 years with other long term BF.

I asked he he could come round and I just told him. It was a big shock to us both and we both we a bit 'eeerrrrrrrr'. I told him I wasn't going to get an abortion as it was a child I thought I'd never had. He didn't want to abort it either. Sadley it was an ectopic pregnancy but we went on to have two IVF babies and get married.

You dont know how this is going to play out. He could freak out, he might be ok. the emphasis should be on how YOU are feeling about it all and what you are going to do. Then telling him will make it a lot easier - he is either on board or her isn't.

I already had a child who was a teenager by then and I was a SP to her. It was tough but doable. She is an amazing adult now.

Accidental pregnancy 6 months in here.

To the person asking why you’d be scared to tell him - Um yes, this is my reference point for any difficult conversation “right I’ve got to tell Bob he’s sacked, it’s still not as bad as telling my boyfriend of 6 months I’m pregnant “. It’s not terrifying in terms of feeling unsafe, but telling someone something life changing out of the blue is pretty nerve wracking, and not knowing what his reaction would be.

In my case his initial reaction was relief that I wasn’t breaking up with him.

Still together 15 years later, been married for 12.

It does sound like a bit of a whirlwind, but nothing has “set times” - if it feels right then it’s right, really? Although it is definitely best to discuss with him and see where his head is at. And also give it time to sink in his side. Either decision you make has lifelong implications so you just need to be comfortable with the long term effects of it afterwards, whichever route you choose to go down. I imagine it won’t be easy but youll know in your gut what’s best for you, your family and your partner.

Definitely don’t sit there getting yourself in a tizz as it’s not good for you and your mind will just spiral. I’d just speak to him as soon as possible in person and get it all off your chest. Best of luck ❤️

Thank you all for your comments. I'm reading them all and they are helping massively.

I'm not scared of him at all but like pp said it's pretty massive to know something so life changing and having to break that to someone you care about.

You've clearly found someone special as you have never felt like this before even though you have a DC so have had serious relationships. If he feels the same then he will support your decision and I am sure you will all be very happy. I started trying for a baby after 4 months with my now DH of 12 years. When you know you know

@HollowTalk

I'm afraid I wouldn't want to have someone's baby if I'd only known the guy for a few months. I'm sure he's very nice but you just don't know him well enough to know what he would be like in all situations.

Yeah. While many people here will say "oh it worked for me or friend", which yeah, happens of course, the only 3 women I know who got pregnant within first few months (one on ons) are single mums and not particularly made up about the situation. 2 tried to give it a go with the relationship but they just weren't suitable. No one's fault really. So I would consider all options

How new is new?

Has he met your children yet?

Tricky agreed it is just as much his responsibility though. Just tell him straight then decide what you want to do.

You seem to worry a lot about the new bloke's reaction but don't mention your children.. You says the separation was this year, how would they react to a new sibling with a new guy they don't even know?