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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask how to break unplanned pregnancy news to new relationship?

76 replies

blueywho · 21/09/2021 06:42

Contraception failure clearly.

In shock. He's literally the first person I've met that I feel 100% at ease with. Like my best friend and a connection I've never experienced before.
Both have dcs from previous relationships which separation was only early this year so doesn't look great. Have been inseparable since we met basically.

Don't mean to be cheesy but thought some background might help.

I don't think I want an abortion. I don't know, maybe it's too early to decide. I always thought I would in this situation.

He has the day off today. If I message saying I need to see you, he might start to question why because I was really sick yesterday. Hence the decision to test late yesterday and this morning. All 6 tests are positive.

Do I just turn up?

I'm panicking

OP posts:
Theworldishard · 21/09/2021 21:32

What contraception was it?
Most have a very low rate of failure.
Did you secretly want a baby?

CorianderAndCream · 21/09/2021 23:07

@DangerMouse5

Bringing up a child alone isn't terrifying Hmm Plenty of single parents do this, (even when they were married and husband left).

Also OP said they both have DCs already from previous relationships

Just because lots of people do it doesn't mean it's not scary
AMALT · 21/09/2021 23:33

She can’t tell him by text ffs!

MeanWeedratStew · 22/09/2021 01:36

@Theworldishard

That's a pretty shitty accusation you're making.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/09/2021 02:21

I don't think I want an abortion.

I'd work this out first. I wouldn't tell him if there was a chance I was going to have an abortion.

AveryGoodlay · 22/09/2021 09:00

What contraception was it?
Most have a very low rate of failure.
Did you secretly want a baby? How is this relevant and why are some posters such arseholes?

TwinsandTrifle · 22/09/2021 09:11

I read this as you think he's brilliant and are longing to hear him say how happy he is to hear you are pregnant. But you think the reality is, he won't be happy, and potentially this will end the relationship.

Yes you both equally provided the egg and swimmers, but you alone get to choose whether there's a child to raise for the minimum of 18yrs. It's very easy to say it's his fault for not using contraception. Yours too. This is not about how this happened, for which you are both culpable, but that you now have the ability to choose whether you continue to become a parent, and he has no choice at this point, he's living with whatever you decide.

I think you already have a gut feeling what his response will be, or you wouldn't be posting about how to break the news. Given your circumstances, I wouldn't be taking a punt on raising a child alone.

I hope it all goes ok OP.

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/09/2021 09:20

I just called in to see mine at work and we sat in my car and I blurted it out. He was absolutely fine about it. That was in 1993 and we are still together.

ooft · 22/09/2021 14:16

Thinking of you op

FWBNC · 22/09/2021 14:26

Yeah, that's pretty tough.

I'm guessing you've told him by now, what did he say?

In your position I would have decided what I wanted, how I'd feel if I found myself doing it alone & then told him. Especially in a new relationship where there's no (or very little) future commitment to the relationship. The pregnant one is the one that has to live with the consequences of the decision, the other one can just walk away.

I hope it went ok when you told him , but that you are ok with your own decision about what you're going to do.

Canunot · 22/09/2021 14:53

Hope it didn’t go too badly OP

VienneseWhirligig · 22/09/2021 15:00

I went round to his house after work, he cooked us dinner and I told him over that. He was surprised but delighted. We had been together a couple of months. We subsequently married and were happy together (20 years until he died). It was a risk but it worked for us. He already had children (was a single dad with sole custody) and I had no children.

JaninaDuszejko · 22/09/2021 15:12

I think the background (both of you have children from previous relationships that only broke down recently). I think this will be very damaging for your children who are still processing your split from their Dad. The only sensible choice is to not tell your new boyfriend and have an abortion. And maybe double up on contraception going forward.

Year2Parent · 22/09/2021 16:00

This happened to me. THREE WEEKS we'd been together when I conceived. Found out a few weeks later!

He stopped bothering with our daughter when she was 1. Died when she was 6.

Absolute waster!!!!

Year2Parent · 22/09/2021 16:01

I thought he was wonderful! So sweet, meek & mild if anything!! A real sweetheart...... So I thought!!!!

Herecomesspring1 · 22/09/2021 16:03

How did it go, OP?

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 22/09/2021 16:42

I got pregnant with someone having been together 6 months. I just rang him at work and said “I’m pregnant”. He said “oh no, seriously?”.
10 years later - still together, married and 4 children.
Just tell him, it doesn’t have to be a big deal reveal. Good luck!!

mayblossominapril · 22/09/2021 16:51

5 months together. I blurted it out whilst crying before we went out for the evening. Apart from kicking him in the shin ( which I don’t remember) his only (joking) complaint was he should have had at least one beer in him before I told him. 5 and half years later we have another child.
I hope it’s gone well

TSSDNCOP · 22/09/2021 18:30

It's not so much the length of time you've been seeing each other as the fact there's several children already to consider.

Everythingsr0sie · 22/09/2021 18:44

We’d been together six weeks when I found out, I wasn’t remotely ready for a baby. We were both mid 20s and lived with mates, I had a real work hard play hard lifestyle but I knew I wanted to carry on with the pregnancy.

He came round as planned and I just sat on his knee to tell him so he couldn’t walk out - we’ve been married over 15 years now, have two other children and have just filled the sixth form application in for the unplanned baby!

I know many would have judged me and talked about us but we have a wonderful life. Obviously it isn’t for everyone but it was perfect for us, it focused us both to settle down and work hard and do well so he had the best opportunities and life.

Best of luck OP. X

Oriunda · 22/09/2021 21:06

For all these lovely stories about unexpected pregnancies working out fine, people seem to have missed a key fact. This is a new relationship between two people who both have existing children, and who have only fairly recently left previous relationships.

These children have had their world upended, presumably recently. They may not have even met the other partner. Now they get to be told there’s a new sibling on the way?

I personally wouldn’t be worried about what the partner I'd be more concerned about my children and how they would feel.

fernopo · 30/06/2022 18:33

This reply has been withdrawn

We've removed this post so the user can start a new thread of their own.

Cakecakecheese · 30/06/2022 18:47

You'll get more responses if you start your own thread rather than bumping an old one.

A termination is a difficult decision and it's natural to struggle. Is there someone you can talk to? You need real life support.

beautyisthefaceisee · 30/06/2022 19:53

OP - am I right in thinking this isnt as black and white as it seems? Just feeling from your OP - was there a crossover? is this why you are so anxious?

fernopo · 30/06/2022 21:11

Hi - no crossover I made sure of that. The dates do show that too. Just happened so quickly which is making me very anxious, I suffer with anxiety too which may make everything seem even worse. I still live with my ex partner which makes everything seem so heavy. I should have waited longer in hindsight and am embarrassed about my actions
new partner happy either way and wants to make a go of it but I’m not sure if I can all these feelings are just causing me so much stress :(

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