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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister took DS in the back of a taxi sans car seat. How to deal with this?

129 replies

minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:09

She was looking after him (he's 14 months) for 3 hours while DP and I went to look at a house.
She was, supposedly, walking him in his pram to our mum's house (20 mins walk), but, due to rain, got in a cab with him on her knee - journey time about 10 mins.
I know this hasn't been outlawed yet, as it has been in private cars, but I think it should be.
She's 51 (15 years older than me), and saw nothing wrong in this, as , as we all know, it used to be OK (hmmm).
We're moving up north soon (hopefully), and she seems toi think she'll be looking after him on a regular basis, so I told her today (we're back in Oxford now)that we can't allow that to happen again, and she didn't take it too well at all, and threw a big girlie hormonal strop over the phone "oh well I won't have him again....." (which, quite frankly feels like a relief).
Background - 5 kids of her own, has been a childminder and now runs an after-school club.
Silly cow.

OP posts:
pinkspottywellies · 05/12/2007 15:14

It's a strange quirk in the law as a taxi can have exactly the same accident as a private car. I think you need to stick to your guns - imagine if anything did happen. It's really difficult trying to challenge something you don't agree with when the other person has done it with thier own children as, to them, it sounds like a criticism of thier own parenting. I don't think YABU to specify a car seat as a standard of care you expect when someone is looking after your child - family or not.

SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 15:18

I know I am likely to get flamed for this, but... I can totally see where your sister is coming from. She didn't want to keep your ds out in the rain so she did something about it.

It is not illegal to carry a child on your knee in a taxi and surely this is for a reason? Your son came to no harm. Obviously, a child seat is the preferred mode of transport for him and I am not in any way saying that you should do without one altogether, but for a very short taxi ride, I really think you are being a bit unreasonable.

Also, if she has five children of her own, and has all the CM experience, not to mention the school club, it is possible that she might know what she's doing.

Sorry.

stockingfiller · 05/12/2007 15:19

that loophole with the taxi is that when im doing my food shop im not expected to carry bloody huge/heavy midstage carseat and dd as well as do food shop!
tbh she probably didnt do it to annoy you and was hurt at you telling her hope you sort it out with your sis soon as you never know when you will need your family!

Bouncingturtle · 05/12/2007 15:19

YANBU - it is all very well people muttering about "well we never had car seats when you were kids". But then they were lucky enough to avoid being in an accident. Since the introduction of the law making childseats compulsory there has been a drop in the number of children dying or being seriously injured in RTAs. And that's despite the fact there are now more cars on the roads than there was, say 30 years ago!

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:19

sod right off.

OP posts:
luciemule · 05/12/2007 15:20

Hmm - tricky - the fact that your sister has been quite involved with her own and other people's children in the past means she'll think what she did was fine and won't be told otherwise.

There are lots of taxi companies that provide age related car seats on request and also, she could have used your car seat (unless it was in your car!).

Our families have done things similar (not as dangerous) but still going against what me and DH think, and we just decided that if they didn't realise we didn't want them to do it, then it wasn't worth them having the kids.

You could say "we love the way you take care of 'DS' and would really like it if you'd help look after him but there are certain things we feel strongly about that you'd like her to go along with."

or (b) - not let her have him to look after.

pooka · 05/12/2007 15:20

I agree with Squonkaclaus.

JingleyJen · 05/12/2007 15:20

I would say stick to your guns.
But
If she does look after your son more often when you move then I would be tempted to leave the carseat with her to cover circumstances like getting a taxi etc.
I have quite strong feelings on this as we have a friend who was paralised by him Mum in the early 1980's in a car accident - he was sat on her lap and in a minor shunt she fell forward and broke his back. In order to get enough money to make the house wheelchair friendly the Dad had to take the Mum to court for damages (this was the only way her insurance company would pay out) It hits the mum all the time that is it her fault he is in a chair!
Sorry sidetracked with that - I would call her and say that of course you want her to see your son when you move it just made you cross.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:21

that was aimed at squonka btw
what a stupid post

OP posts:
SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 15:21

minimou - are you talking to me?

You asked a question, I gave you my opinion. If you don't want opinions, don't ask AIBU? Just start a thread saying "I'm pissed off about this" and everyone will agree with you.

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 05/12/2007 15:21

minou in a wee while the baby will be able to use the cabs car seats. they're built into the back of most modern black hacks. not quite what you were asking but still..

pooka · 05/12/2007 15:21

Who was the "sod right off" to?
Why bother asking if you ABU if you only want people to agree with you.

SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 15:22

thanks pooka

Tortington · 05/12/2007 15:23

i think squonka is right

and i thnk you are very fucking rude!

santaslittlepeatbogelf · 05/12/2007 15:24

I agree with Squonkaclaus too. Why post on here if you don't want to hear the other side?

TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/12/2007 15:24

I have to say I'm a little confused as to how a 20 minute walk is a 10 minute cab ride!?!?!?

bobsyouruncle · 05/12/2007 15:25

Agree with squonka too.

berolina · 05/12/2007 15:25

dh did this (took ds1 in FIL's car without a car seat) to get to me after I'd been taken to hospital by ambulance with an enormous bleed while pg with ds2. I tore several strips off him, even though I knew he just wanted to get to me (I was 17 weeks, we didn't know I had placenta praevia at that stage in the pg, and I think we both assumed we would lose the baby yet again).

If someone had done it because of rain, I'd be ballistic.

RobertSmithStoleMyLipstick · 05/12/2007 15:26

I don't agree with squonky

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:26

roads have gone mental in the past few years, and Jingley - your post is spot on.
It'#s been outlawed in cars for a reason - like the one outlined in the post.
DS had a rain cover, and my sister had the option to stay in-f**king-doors.
Of course i didn't think she was doing it to annoy me FFS, she thought what she was doing was ok, but it's not.
End of story.
I'm not asking how to deal with the care issue, as, if she still disregards my wishes, she won't see him without me being there, so thanks to everyone who offered constructive advice.

OP posts:
RobertSmithStoleMyLipstick · 05/12/2007 15:28

You sound angry (I would be too if it was my DD but hey everyone is different)

Don't take it out on people who have taken the time to post on your thread.

FFS

Bouncingturtle · 05/12/2007 15:28

Like I said, I thought YANBU about the car seat, but there was no need to tell people to sod off because they disagree. If you post in these threads you do need to accept that there will be people who offer a different perspective.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:29

I wasn't asking AIBU - i was asking how to deal with the fall out
i should've posted in relationships, really.
However, i still think condoning this is unbelievable.
and a 20 minute walk/10 minute cab ride is because the cab ride is along a dreadful road populated by nutters.

OP posts:
SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 15:30

erm... tis posted in "Am I Being Unreasonable...."

TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/12/2007 15:30

I once accepted a lift for what would have been a 10 minute walk home from a toddler group - with DS2 (aged about 6 weeks, and DS1 who would have been around 3 1/4yrs). they didn't have a car seat - but I had to weigh up between dragging them both home in a blizzard , with no rain cover on the pram, and no hat or gloves on DS1, or accept a (very slow - it took us about 20 minutes lol) life from a friend - I chose the lift.

Little did I realise when I left the house jsut 2hr before, on a bright, clear sunny winters day (but not that cold strangely) that 2hrs later there would be a blizzard!