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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister took DS in the back of a taxi sans car seat. How to deal with this?

129 replies

minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:09

She was looking after him (he's 14 months) for 3 hours while DP and I went to look at a house.
She was, supposedly, walking him in his pram to our mum's house (20 mins walk), but, due to rain, got in a cab with him on her knee - journey time about 10 mins.
I know this hasn't been outlawed yet, as it has been in private cars, but I think it should be.
She's 51 (15 years older than me), and saw nothing wrong in this, as , as we all know, it used to be OK (hmmm).
We're moving up north soon (hopefully), and she seems toi think she'll be looking after him on a regular basis, so I told her today (we're back in Oxford now)that we can't allow that to happen again, and she didn't take it too well at all, and threw a big girlie hormonal strop over the phone "oh well I won't have him again....." (which, quite frankly feels like a relief).
Background - 5 kids of her own, has been a childminder and now runs an after-school club.
Silly cow.

OP posts:
coldtits · 05/12/2007 16:13

PMSL

"Am I being unreasonable?"

"Yes"

"Sod off then"

This subject is GREAT!

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:16

Yeah, yeah. .

OP posts:
Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:17

(squeaks and looks at floor) i said sorry

OP posts:
zookeeper · 05/12/2007 16:21

If you feel that strongly about car seats minimou then why on earth didn't you leave her with one? And rather than a blanket ban on her looking after your ds again would it not be more sensible to sit down and have a chat about what is unnacceptable to you and what isn't?

Nowt strange as folk

zookeeper · 05/12/2007 16:21

(sorrry minimou x-post)

bozza · 05/12/2007 16:24

min I think your point re her charges is a good one, because I very much doubt she would have. I have only ever taken DS in a taxi without a car seat once at about the same age as your DS. That was when he was at nursery and they couldn't stop him bleeding so called an ambulance and rang me at work. So I made the 23 mile journey in time to go in the ambulance with him. But then ended up stranded in A&E without a car, any money and DH working 150 miles away. So I ended up ringing for a taxi to take me via the cashpoint back to nursery where my car was. I did feel bad about it, although was obviously in an already stressed state.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:29

Because this situation has never cropped up before, and because she said she'd be walking (it was dry at the time) to my mum's house.
Furthermore, we don't have a car (although we have a car seat back here for occasional use).
On buses, he stays in his pram, on trains ditto most of the time, although in the event of a train crash or shunt, you don't get thrown about as much.
re reasonable chat with her, i tried earlier today....cue misdirected outburst of rage on here.
the chat went fine, and she said "i'll take what you say on board", then i started saying "it's daft, really, that it's ok in cabs, but not private cars....yaddah yaddah law, etc" to kind of shift the focus away from her, IYSWIM, and that set her off

OP posts:
bran · 05/12/2007 16:29

I quite like that the law on this is not cut and dried. I think it shows that parents (in general) are rational people who are capable of doing their own risk assessments and who put their child's best interests first, while allowing the law to prosecute people who persistently show a lack of safety awareness by not having car seats for regular journeys.

I suspect that you will just have to wait out your sister's bad temper minouminou. I'm sure she'll get over it (eventually). DS is yours and you get to make the decisions concerning him and others will have to learn to respect your choices.

Commuter buses and trains are hugely different to cars, which is why you don't need to wear seat belts on them. Because they are much heavier they will decelerate much more slowly on impact, eg when a bus and a car collide head on the greater mass of the bus means it will keep moving forward in the same direction while the car will be crushed/thrown aside/pushed backwards.

ShakeysGirl · 05/12/2007 16:32

I agree with squonka. I frequently use taxis with my boys.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:35

thanks, bozza (sounds awful). we all take calculated risks, and no doubt at some point i'll have to do this, but what keeps cropping up here is "hospital", "blizzard", "bleeding", not visit to GM.
she definitely would think twice about her charges, as i know she is very professional, but this should extend to everyone

OP posts:
ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 05/12/2007 16:37

Oh I'd shoot her. Without a doubt!

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:39

well, i wouldn't SHOOT her....she did buy him some nice trousers for his b-day.......

OP posts:
goingfor3christmaspuddings · 05/12/2007 16:41

I saw a woman a couple of weeks ago. She pulled up otside the train station. Her dd of about 3 was standing at the back of the car inbetween the two front seats. The child had a carseat! I really thought that I had made a mistake and the child unstrapped herself when she reached the station but the mother pulled away with the child standing like that 10 mins later when her friend arrived. The mother was 7 or so months pregnant and smoking which made me even more cross. The law is there to protect children with neglectful parents like that. Not completly relevant but this remineded me of what I had seen.

stockingfiller · 05/12/2007 16:44

we are very lucky if our local taxi firms come on to the estate, when the carseat law came into place i asked several taxi firms in the area about carrying my dd in as a passanger. 4 different taxi firms repeatedily told me that i need to provide my own on no account would drivers carry them as passangers would be the first to complain when theres not enough boot space for shopping/luggage and its not acceptable for the driver to return to base to fetch carseats! and an extra charge would be applied! i was also told that there would be limited amount of drivers willing to do this as it takes time returning to base and time is drops and drops are there wages!
and it sounds like you have other issues with your sister!
i also think you didnt need to put it into aibu if you didnt want ppls oppinions
" Am I being unreasonable? : My sister took DS in the back of a taxi sans car seat. How to deal with this?"

VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/12/2007 16:46

Do you think taxi drivers all sit in a cab office just waiting for a call? On a rainy day - even if they had 3 seats to spare, the cab driver would have to collect it, and then all the other mums with babies would all have to be waiting too until the seat became free.

It Wouldnt Work. Which is exactly why they dont do it already.

YABU.

juuule · 05/12/2007 16:50

I agree with Squonk, too.
What would you do if you had to take your baby on a bus or a train?

RobertSmithStoleMyLipstick · 05/12/2007 16:55

Sorry, but if it wasn't for an emergency I would not be happy about my DD not being strapped in the back of any car.

Accidents do happen and in a split second. It only takes another driver to have a momentary lapse in concentration for an awful crash to happen.

EZeeDee · 05/12/2007 16:55

agree with squonka, pooka etc. that's not a constructive way to reply to someone who's taken the time to give you their point of view, which might help you more effectively deal with the fallout if you're actually willing to listen to anyone else.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:56

of course i don't think they sit around...but this idea is an option, even if you have to wait longer, for those people who don't want to travel without a car seat. This was also a non-essential journey, remember.
i've already said that i posted in the wrong section, and i've already made an apology to squonka; this is a bit late in the thread to be trotting this out now.

OP posts:
Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:57

juule...you haven't read the thread through re trains and buses.
eezeedee...been there, done that, have apologised to squonka fulsomely

OP posts:
SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 16:58

and I've accepted said apology.

Minoumou and I are now friends and are going shopping tomorrow, doing lunch on Friday and having a right good piss up on Friday

Ozymandius · 05/12/2007 16:59

I have never heard of a child ever being killed or seriously injured in a taxi - ever. The risk must be incredibly low.

Ozymandius · 05/12/2007 17:00

I'd guess your child was more at risk of being hit by a passing taxi while being pushed along the pavement, actually.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 17:01

ok, now maybe i can stop repeating myself
although squonk i did look at your profile to CAT you (dunno how to do it)with another "sorry", but after seeing your taste in music...........
it's gloves back on........

OP posts:
RobertSmithStoleMyLipstick · 05/12/2007 17:01

How on earth is a taxi at less risk than any other car?

Do taxi driver have super powers I don't know about?

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