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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My sister took DS in the back of a taxi sans car seat. How to deal with this?

129 replies

minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:09

She was looking after him (he's 14 months) for 3 hours while DP and I went to look at a house.
She was, supposedly, walking him in his pram to our mum's house (20 mins walk), but, due to rain, got in a cab with him on her knee - journey time about 10 mins.
I know this hasn't been outlawed yet, as it has been in private cars, but I think it should be.
She's 51 (15 years older than me), and saw nothing wrong in this, as , as we all know, it used to be OK (hmmm).
We're moving up north soon (hopefully), and she seems toi think she'll be looking after him on a regular basis, so I told her today (we're back in Oxford now)that we can't allow that to happen again, and she didn't take it too well at all, and threw a big girlie hormonal strop over the phone "oh well I won't have him again....." (which, quite frankly feels like a relief).
Background - 5 kids of her own, has been a childminder and now runs an after-school club.
Silly cow.

OP posts:
DaDingDaDongDaMerrilyOnHigh · 05/12/2007 15:31

Can't say I'm surprised it ended up with you and your sister having a row...

Clearly what she did wasn't ideal, but I do think you're overreacting slightly, and she was doing you a favour in the first place.

GreebosWhiskers · 05/12/2007 15:32

I'm with squonk here. We don't drive but I have bought car seats for dd & ds as we get a lift home from my parents once a week. The seats live in my dad's car. We don't take taxis either but if I had to I would take dd (2.9) & ds (12 months) on my knee.

Your response to squonk was VERY unreasonable btw - I take it everyone's just supposed to agree with you?

margoandjerry · 05/12/2007 15:32

Your child is not in a car seat every time you take it on a bus or a train. You can't always have a car seat. Your sister did a sensible thing.

lucyellensmum · 05/12/2007 15:37

minouminou - i think you are right, that it is not a good idea to have 14m in car without car seat. BUT, whats done is done and your reaction is a little OTT. If i were your sister and you said that "you cant allow this to happen again" - tell me you didnt use those actual words, i would have been (i love saying this) incandescent (even though i cant spell it) with rage . If it were me i would have just said to your sister something along the lines of "oh sorry i know im being a bit PFB (i know you are not but it softens the blow) but would you mind awfully not taking DS out in a taxi without a car seat in future as it will save me a few grey hairs in later life!". Also if your sister is going to have DS on a regular basis, can he not still have a portable car seat that she could take with her if he does need to go in a taxi.

I find it very odd that it is not outlawed in taxis actually, i mean, how much trouble would it be for taxi drivers to carry a car seat in the boot. Also, what about buses, i have taken my DD on the bus and the train, i dont dont drive so i would be marooned if i didnt do this, but i have to say i travel with my heart in my mouth the whole time.

I would bear in mind one thought, you have just provided your sister with a great resume "5 kids, ex child minder, runs after school club" to look after children, i would certainly be snapping her hand right off if she offered me a chance of a few hours break one afternoon. Dont be biting the hand that feeds you.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:38

doing me a favour doesn't include endangering DS, though, the two issues are unrelated.
FWIW, she wasn't doing me a favour, she actually asked to have him, and so i thought it'd work out best time-wise etc etc to have him when we looked at the house.
Squonka - i said i should've posted in relationships, and the reason i was so annoyed (and i must apologise, as it was very rude to say sod off) is because you were saying, in quite a patronising tone, that maybe she knew what she was doing.
It's illegal in a private car, it's a silly loophole in a taxi, it's wrong wrong wrong - unless there's a blizzard/injury related emergency.
and i have to point out again, i'm not asking if i'm wrong to be annoyed with my sister, but how to deal with her over reaction
I was quite reasonable with her, and even said "we'll have to get you a car seat if you're going to take him in a cab again".

OP posts:
wardrobemistressakasugarfree · 05/12/2007 15:38

I agree with Squonk actually.
Let's hope you are never stuck for childcare and have ask the "silly cow" for help.
If thats how you speak to everyone who tries to do their best and help you out ,you will end up very lonely and extremely tired evntually.

SquonkaClaus · 05/12/2007 15:39

apology accepted

RobertSmithStoleMyLipstick · 05/12/2007 15:41

well done for apologising min

Perhaps when the dust has settled, you could try saying that you understand everyone has differing views on safety etc but you feel very strongly that DS should always be in a car seat. If you're going to get one for her to use, even better!

Hope you get it sorted.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:42

oh, and also....DS will be going to nursery, rather than to my sister, as i want to keep his childcare on a professional, rather than family basis....as i know these issues always arise.
my sister will only ever be having him over for her own fun/leisure IYSWIM, and i've always made that clear to her (although she has other ideas).

OP posts:
bozza · 05/12/2007 15:43

While I disagree that there is a problem with a 20 min walk in the rain - your DS presumably doesn't melt - I think your reply to squonk was totally out of order and I have reported it.

bozza · 05/12/2007 15:44

Sorry cross posted with the apology.

lucyellensmum · 05/12/2007 15:45

i dooo likes it when people kiss and make up

I think my idea about taxis coming with car seats is a good one and should be the law. I have to admit to being completely paranoid because i wont even allow my DP to take DD out in the car, WITH a car seat as i would just worry too much the whole time. She is DD2 and is 2 years old and only ever travels in the car with me sitting next to her. So maybe i should hush my mouth

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:47

yeah, thanks for accepting
my ire was aimed at sis, really
if i'm stuck for childcare, i shall have to remain stuck, and i'll have to repeat, she wasn't helping me out, i would actually have rather had him with me (he spent the previous day with friends), but she's only seen him once before, and was really determined.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 05/12/2007 15:47

reading between the lines a bit here, but fwiw i totally agree with the professional childcare, i think family is always prone to problems. It does sound like you have some issues with your sister, as in, do you find her a bit domineering and interfering? Are you more frustrated about that than what actually happened

TheAntiCod · 05/12/2007 15:48

Am i being stupid, never needing to take a taxi with DS, but are you supposed to take your own carseat, or are they supposed to provide them, for all the different age children they may get in them?

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:49

i think each cab firm should have a seat or 3 at the office, if the drivers don't have them in the boot, and you can specify that you want one when you call to order the cab.

OP posts:
TheAntiCod · 05/12/2007 15:49

thanks, must make mental note

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:53

given half a chance she would be, LEM, but I can usually handle her.
There's no long-standing issues, but i think a lot of her reaction was related to the fact that the baby of the family (me) is now telling her (with her years of experience) how i want things doing.
The "well i won't have him again" is just classic her, really, as she thinks it'll work in her favour.

OP posts:
Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 15:57

oh no...cod..that wasn't an answer to your post...it was my - ahem - bright idea for resolving this particular prob.
and again, I feel dreadful for kicking off...it was done in haste.
i'm usually calm and rational, but this has got mah goat big time.

OP posts:
goingfor3christmaspuddings · 05/12/2007 16:00

minouminou I would be annoyed if someone did something which really didn't want them to with my child. I have had to use a taxi with both of my girls on a few occasions to go to the dr's and hospital and have done so without a car seat. If you are in a hurry and can't wait for a car with a carseat or if there aren't any available there are no other choices.

JingleyJen · 05/12/2007 16:05

Since this thread I was just looking up the law and did you know that it is not illegal in a private car to take a child on a short or emergency journey without a carseat. the law seems really vague . you can't do it regularly (how do the police prove that you take this journey without a car seat every day?)
Hmmm seems like there are a few get out clauses... not sure why? Anyone know?

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:06

I totally understand the "no other choices" aspect - just look at the awful blizzard scenario above - but this was a leisure visit, as it were, and not necessary.
If she didn't want to walk in the rain, she should've stayed indoors, or at least called me to see if i was ok with the taxi.
As a childcare professional, she must be aware that the times - and therefore practices - have changed.
i doubt she'd have taken one of her charges in a cab, you see, and this is what riles.

OP posts:
goingfor3christmaspuddings · 05/12/2007 16:09

JingleyJen presumabley if your child was very sick and you needed to get to hospital but were at a friends house and they didn't have a carseat then you could do the journey without. Also a child may be too ill to put in a carseat, for example the child may have passed out or be fitting, and if it's faster to drive rather than wait for an abulance that would be allowed.

Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:09

emergency journey, obviously, get them in the car and get going
yeah....that law does seem weird. I guess it's related to just how much risk the child's exposed to over a certain amount of time, and how much in danger the child is iof s'he's not ferried to hospital/warmth right away.

OP posts:
Original poster
minouminou · 05/12/2007 16:11

is there such a thing as an emergency visit to a grandmother?
maybe that's another get out clause my sis could use

OP posts:
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